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Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Lane's Thoughts / How is This Ever Going to Work, At Work?

How is This Ever Going to Work, At Work?

Written by Lane on Monday, June 29, 2009

So, a decade ago, I was wheeling at work, but it was under very different circumstances. Unpleasant ones. Everyone knew all about my accident and many of the fine details – they had followed my progress like a soap opera. When I was back at work, I was in pain, highly medicated, could hardly move, hardly think, was not in control of my life, yada yada. My state of mind was nothing like what it will be when when my new custom chair arrives in the next week or so.

(this got long – skip to the end if you’re in a hurry. It’s also a bit convoluted, so I apologize in advance.)

Now you have to understand that I really do work with a group of great people. They are very skilled and professional when it comes to their core skills. I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to work with and to cooperatively learn from.

The company has several hundred people, but I work with a core group of maybe 60 or so on a regular basis. (My immediate dept. has 7 people and we’re very close-knit.) One thing that really surprised me when I started about 7 years ago, was their prominent and unique sense of humor. Clearly it was a cultural thing. I was used to a more rigorous environment, but at the new job, a good natured prank or a particularly witty and satirical group email was a common occurrence. Perhaps this is normal office behavior, but I think that my group has taken it to a new level.

In addition, almost without exception these are very kind people. With just a few exceptions, they have always treated me fairly. For instance, when I had to have a series of important urgent surgeries a couple years ago, they didn’t think twice about shifting work around, making sure that I wouldn’t have to worry about the security of my job or that the work would be done in my absence. They sent wonderful, personal get-well wishes, and have continued to do things to make me feel at home there.

Anyway, with that background, I will begin to describe my dilemma. While I wouldn’t trade my coworkers for anything, they do have a couple of concerning behaviors that have come to my attention over time.

For one, I have noticed over time that they are somewhat intolerant of those that don’t fit a certain mold. Relevant to this discussion, they make what I feel is an inappropriate amount of commentary people with injuries – even simple sports stuff. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, it’s fun to call out the klutz, but this seems to extend to those with more permanent issues.

I think it was well known that I have had orthopedic issues. For those that were paying even the slightest bit of attention, they’d see that my function varied. This was due to medication and activity, but they didn’t need to know all of those details to be respectful.

When I decided to use my cane full-time at work, I was subjected to a hail-storm of inappropriate comments. Ones that suggested that I was doing something that was inappropriate for my age, some mocking language – that I felt went beyond gently ribbing, and others telling me that I had to stop. "You don’t want to be going around with a CANE do you?"

After thinking I knew these people, I didn’t expect this behavior but I got it in spades. I pushed through the criticism, but ultimately they won, and I made it a policy to lock my KAFO, which had similar pain-control and BIID-control functions. Still, I continue to feel offended. Indeed, I get lip every couple days about the brace. This time, it’s a little more subtle, so I can’t tell if it’s legitimate and kind interest or if it’s a dig – I’ve lost a good deal of trust in them. I can never sure if they’re trying to be supportive or just insensitive.

My situation is complicated by a situation I’ve observed more and more over time. I’m pretty sure that there is only one other wheeler in the company. He has a job task that is similar to several other people and I believed that he was treated as an equal, but over time, I have heard some slightly disparaging comments about him, and I’m starting to believe that a few recent re-org moves were designed to isolate him. It could be the conspiracy theorist in my talking, but I wonder what this will mean for me.

Right now, I have a somewhat prominent position in the company and am experiencing success. I don’t want to undermine that. One key source (mole), who communicates directly with the president told me point blank – "if you expose a physical disability, you move your name to the top of the list, come layoff time.". He was suggesting that I do what I could to limit exposure to my limping/bracing gate, but my future wheeling will clearly not be too cool, as far as the company is concerned.

Further complicating this is the fact that a small, but important part of my work requires a degree of physical activities which I must continue to perform, despite using the chair, so I’ll have to use my brace, too. This is fine by me, but I expect the simple-minded among us to be confused.

Which brings me to the planning phase. I want to keep my job, my house, etc., but my BIID cannot be contained either. I won’t back down. I have a few ideas. What do you think?

First my accident back story is partially known, but not substantially known beyond a handful of people. My current issues with liver enzymes and crashing blood counts are not known by anyone outside of my doctor’s office. It seems that I could bring some of these facts into the open, but at the same time, they’re my private info. No person should be forced to justify their disability. Geez.

For a random person on the street, less is more, but I do feel like I need some story for those that are close to me. For those that ask, should I be detailed or should I leave most of it to the imagination? (that’s my guess). My plan at the moment is to say that there are a several health issues that have been progressing for a long time and this is a decision that my doctor and I reached after considering several options. Recent changes in my health demanded a change be made.

I have prepped two confidants, both know about pharmaceuticals and appreciate the physical and psych issues. I’m quite sure that they won’t reveal the fine details as they have asked me to hold issues that they’re dealing with in similar confidence. I hope that these two people, who happen to have important social positions will moderate the gossip to a certain extent.

Only time will tell if this is the best plan, but I have a very open policy about my health and psych issues with my boss, who happens to be a higher level manager at company. He knows that I can be super-committed to my work (aka. hypomanic) at times, but there are also issues that may affect my work at other times (depression, pain). He had repeatedly told me that he appreciates this forthright honesty and we have a solid working relationship. Recently, I had a lengthy discussion with him on the high-level medical issues and the chair, as well as my experiences with other mobility aids. Even though I don’t think bringing the management hammer down would do any good, he promised to do whatever was needed if I brought problems to him. I know he would.

He also immediately offered to evaluate whether any accommodations to the work area, etc. were necessary. It was one of those moments that, although it dealt with a mundane quasi-legal business task, was clearly from the heart. Cool. I let him know that I had already made some quick CAD sketches, measured each doorway, desk height in each meeting room, door directions, etc. We both smiled – he would have expected nothing less.

That being said, I am planning a late night or weekend dry-run for physical obstacles. I’m not a newbie, but I sure don’t wanna look like one on day one.

So, I hope that I am treated with complete respect, but that seems unlikely. It would be unprofessional to make remarks, but also unkind for people not to acknowledge the obvious. Maybe some of the onus is on me to diffuse the tension that we all feel when encountering situations for which we are unprepared. A good script might help. I want to meet people half-way, but as of this moment, I don’t have one worked out yet.

Since I work primarily with engineers, pointing out the mechanical features – maybe even trivializing the device in some way (ie. it’s just a bunch of Ti tubing, 4 wheels and a box of screws) - might allow people to visualize the chair as a machine, not as a stigmatizing symbol. I also work with enough cheapskates for at least a few to appreciate the "well, it should handle pretty well – it cost more than each of my other 4-wheeled vehicles. Only my wife got a more expensive car." (Sad, but true.)

Clearly both my comedic and presentation skills need some work. Any ideas? (About the script silly, the comedy is a lost cause…)

Tags: Wheelchair, Work

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