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Disengage the Cloaking Mechanism
Written by Lane on Saturday, June 27, 2009
If you didn’t take the time to get to know Lane, you’d probably just pass him right by on the street or the road. Almost every thing I own has a neutral tone – I have a gray house, have owned only vehicles with achromatic paint jobs (I have 4 silver ones at the moment). My favorite garb – you guessed it jeans and medium gray shirts. I have probably fifteen of the same. It sure makes dressing a cinch.
Now, if you stopped long enough, you’d find out all sorts of interesting things. I won’t take the time to bore you with more than a few here: sophisticated taste in world music and architecture, recognized culinary abilities and a keen knowledge of the impact of obscure technology on world events (How did Harry Ferguson win the second world war?).
So, when it can time to pick out a chair, you’d think my choices would be somewhat obvious. It wouldn’t be hard to figure out which part of me would be expressed in this part of me that everyone would see. My public persona is so highly reserved that I would choose the most conservative options – tasteful, but conservative.
Now that’s what I would have thought and I started ordering options in that vein. However, as I started accessing my present and my future, and searching inside myself I started to see a change. Maybe blending in isn’t exactly what I wanted this time.
Maybe I wasn’t ashamed of being a wheelchair user. In that past, I had been so conflicted. BIID one day, victim/son/husband the next – my head has been spinning. Now, I’m realizing that my new chair represents a new me. As such, I’m starting to do things that are shocking me – even as I do them.
Caster Forks
First, I interrupted the w/c order and changed the bare Ti finished to pearl blue. Actually, I like the silver look, and by the look of things almost everyone else does too, but I had to differentiate myself somehow. Powder-coat was the answer. (Plus, I can always bead-blast it off later if I want.). I also asked that the aluminum parts be silver instead of black.
Spinergy wheels
Second, I decided that I just had to have Spinergy wheels. They are easily justified, after all, for their mechanical advantages, but they look great and are truly, amazingly light. Très chouette.
Schwalbe Right Run Tires
Well, since I’ve always disliked the gray tires. I know I’m in the minority here, but I had to have either Schwalbe Evo or Right Runs. Mechanically, the Evo’s are quite a bit better, but I make the more conspicuous choice – blue Right Runs. They make me smile when I see them on the rims. They’re not subtle. This was a very non-Lane choice.
Natural Fit rims
I’m still looking forward to having the Natural-Fit handrims, but I’m paying cash for the new rims and tires – insurance won’t cover them. Unfortunately, the handrims for Quickie rims won’t fit the Spinergy rims, so I had to buy new ~300USD handrims. Ouch. Vanity is not cheap, but I got ‘em anyway. What’s more, I think I’m going to send them to a guy I know to have them blasted and re-anodized. Not sure on the color, but I think it might be red to go with the blue wheels & frame and the silver anodized components on the chair.
It’s making me nervous as I write this, but there is an almost tangible sense that this new chair is allowing me to move forward to a higher plane in my life. I’ve written before that events in my life have taken the joy out of any new chair, but maybe I’m using it in a different way than some others. I’m making a symbol of my coming out as a new person, instead of coming out as a transabled person. Either way, I think it’s gonna be a good thing for me.
Tags: Wheelchair
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3 Comments
It sounds like you have some profound psychology going on here, Lane.
It reminds me of all the effort I have expended in trying to appear inconspicuous and normal. It never really worked. It was trying to keep the lid on the pressure cooker as the steam built up and escaped in all sorts of directions.
Now that I have gradually been approaching simply being myself, I feel a lot more normal than I did before. Here’s an example from today. I used to dress very conservatively, hiding every part of my body from view. Today I am wearing a form fitting stretchy thin camisole, with no bra, in clear violation of the hospital dress code. I would never have done such a thing a few years ago; but it’s me. Likewise, I’m wearing a leg brace. That’s me too.
You might think that a leg brace, plus the obvious outline of my breasts including the contour of the nipples, would make me more conspicuous. But it doesn’t feel that way at all. To the contrary, it makes me feel like I’m just being myself, a normal person with nothing to hide.
Perhaps I’m reading too much into what you said in thinking you might have something analogous to this going on. But go ahead, just show off your boobs if that’s what you want to do. :o)
3 On 30 June, 2009, Lane said:
Thanks gals, on both counts. I’ll be sure to share pics of the chair when it’s all put together. Pics of my soul will be trickier.
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1 On 27 June, 2009, Sophie said:
I’d have to say blue is most definately my favourite colour. If/when I have the opportunity to buy a brand new chair it’ll be a tilite with blue spinergies, blue kenda tires, blue anodised parts and black upolstary.
I see no problem with us being picky about our wheelchairs. It’s an important moment for us, we’re unlikely to buy a new one for several years, and most of the time we’re paying for the chair out of our own pocket so you’d wanna get a chair you want rather than one that’ll just do the trick.
On the other hand though I’m a lazy perfectionist and I don’t like doing things/spending money if I’m not going to do it properly.