Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Kirstie's Thoughts > My Feet And I
My Feet And I
Written by Kirstie on Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Well, we got along fine in the beginning, my feet and I. I don’t know what happened, but after about a decade of living together, certainly too close, our relationship has come to term, we need separation. My name is Kirstie, and I need to be a Double Below Knee (DBK) amputee.
I have never told anyone in real life. Just about a few month ago I thought that I was alone and perverted. I tried to suppress myfeelings and my thoughts for years. Within these years this caused me to do harm to myself, to punish myself for this. Thanks to you, I allowed myself to let go and I feel a great relief. Thank you all.
So, how has it started ? I don’t know exactly, but I remember playing doctor with the other kids, we had some bandages, but I never was the doctor. I remember also one of my friends had broken his leg and how jealous I was because he had a cast and crutches. When we playedtogether, I couldn’t think of anything else but the crutches, I tried them several times. I loved it. I always wanted to break my legs.
I had an impressing collection of bandages at home. I don’t remember how I got them, but I kept them like a treasure. I used to bandage my feet, immobilise them with sticks and tried to walk with them. I had alot of fun with it… Until my mother came in. I can’t recall beingthat embarassed again in my life, it felt so wrong and I stopped.
I can’t recall if I have ever seen a double amputee as a child orteenager (I’m nearly thirty by now), I can think of having seen once or serveral times one legged men. I can’t recall either when I thought for the first time that a DBK-body would fit me more. I’ve always been dreaming and thinking of being disabled in one way or another (being paraplegic, blind or deaf, limping), the dream of being amputated came much more later. Once I’ve had imaginated it, I couldn’t think of having other disabilities any longer.
I think it is this universal idea I have of the DBK-amputation. You can use crutches, prosthesis, use bandages and also a wheelchair.
And you have stumps. Stumps are beautiful.
I want to get an amputation for that much I’m sure. Like for all of you here the question is how to achieve my goal. I’m not yet desperate, I manage to live with my legs most of the time, but I’veexperienced a rise in the intensity of wanting it which comes maybe with the age. If it would be as easy as getting plastic surgery, I already would have done it. Since it isn’t, I’m always thinking of ways to do it.
And yes, it seems to be a long way…
Tags: Amputee, Crutches, Paraplegic, Prosthesis, Wheelchair
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2 Comments
2 On 20 May, 2009, Sean said:
I love the way you explain it. Like a relationship that breaks, have to part company. Great image. Thank you.
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1 On 19 May, 2009, Chloe said:
Childhood memories get to me. Yes, bandaging my feet, every which way possible.
Something else you said really struck a chord. Despite being neither a devotee nor desirous of amputation, I have to agree with you: stumps are beautiful.