Well, it’s official. I’m hereby cutting off that best friend I mentioned in my post. The way he’s treating me now is just horrible. Even ENEMIES treat each other better than this.

He’s not even acknowledging my existence anymore, so I’m not going to return the favor. He’s played this game for months now, and I’m sick of it and I’m sick of tolerating it. If it’s because of my BIID, then he outright lied to my face about him being okay with it, and that’s almost worse.

My parents don’t really care too much about me going overseas anyway… If anything, they’re eager to see me go back to Asia (since I’m Asian but raised in Canada). They seem too giddy about the thought of me doing Asian things (as opposed to North American things) to really miss me. They want me to become more Asianized (since I’m nowhere close to being a stereotypical Asian at the moment).

So with all of that, there’s a grand total of one person who clearly stated that he’ll miss me. One. And it’s not even a family member. Everyone either wants to see me go (ie. parents) or don’t even want to think about me anymore. Seems like a pretty clear decision to me. I know it’d be a cool experience, but I think being a loner is going to be an advantage. No homesickness, no missing people back home — these are the two main reasons for “runners” (those who panic and decide to fly home without notifying anyone or finishing the teaching contract).

I’ve been open to people and everything this school year (around 8 months and counting), more than ever before. I’ve made many acquaintances, but no real friends. I think that avenue is pretty much fruitless now.

I honestly wish I was in Amanda’s shoes, because at least she knows someone who accepts (”embraces” might be too strong a term — is it?) her for who she is.

I do have writing aspirations, but they’re mostly with novels or screenplays — not really something full-time unless I’m really good. Actually, the only screenplay I’ve written is “Wannabe” (it’s somewhere on this site… look around).

Beth: Your idea would sound good if not for my Asian background. Asian parents are often overly involved in their child’s life, to the point where things like doctor-patient confidentiality can be a moot point. My mom still wants to accompany me into the doctor’s office to this day, due to this culturally-accepted clinginess. It has nothing to do with babying; it’s mostly because of the Asian cultural norms involving parents and their children (even adult ones).

Becs: I’ll look into it, but I don’t know if I’d be able to “fake” that well enough, by what you described.

As the others said, I think you would be missed far more than you realize. Still, I think it sounds like a great opportunity. You can weather the worst of the financial downtown and come back as Beth suggested.

Best of luck to you.

I don’t want to confuse you further but it occured to me that if you are certain that you want to spend your life as a paraplegic (silly question?) Then perhaps you could go on this trip and return in your wheelchair (or one that you realistically could have obtained in the culture where you’re going, you can swap when you get home).

You won’t have to worry about not having stories from rehab because you can just say that there wasn’t really any. You’ll have been away for long enough that the people you know won’t realise that you haven’t been in hospital or anything.

I’m just seeing the potential of this as a start to full time wheeling if you want it to be. You can tell your parents you were in an accident a few weeks or months before you come home, or you can hoose to tell them and selected others the truth but all that is your decision.

I don’t want to confuse you but I wouldn’t want to realise that I’ve seen this possibility and in a few years time you see it and wonder why you missed it!

Good luck with whatever you choose. We’re here for you whatever.

you sound a bit sad, and I can understand you.

When I was 22, I often felt alone, very lonely. Many old friends had moved away and the strings had become loose. New aquaintances were nice, but I didn\’t feel at home with them.

Only when I came out as gay during my university time, I found new friends who really \”fitted\” the new phase of my life. Some of them are still my best friends - but some of them have moved away (which makes me very sad at times).

I have a loving partner whom I love. There are some friends around, too. But again I feel lonely often, because only my partner knows about my desire to become legless. I have found some new friends who also have BIID. A new phase…

My life has always been lonely phases followed by phases with friends.

You are so young, you will learn to know so many people if you give them a chance and if you give yourself a chance by going out, meeting people, talking with them, being taken in the arm and taking them in the arm… The internet, e-mail etc. alone brings only few real friendships.

You will find friends everywhere in the world. I still regret not having gone abroad when I had the chance. One year is over so fast.

You don\’t have to decide rationally. You may also just follow your heart.

I wish you the best!

Phil

I am sorry. The movie is “Field of Dreams.” I knew I should have gone to bed earlier last night. :)

The reason you don’t think any of your real life friends will miss you is because neither of you grew (and changed) together over the years.

Your chair does not make you disabled. Being disabled is psychological. I am reminded of the movie “Friend of Dreams.” There is a scene when the young “doc” has the chance to cross over to save a girl’s life. He has his baseball uniform on. As he moves to the line separating one life from the other, he begins to get into the role of being a doctor psychologically in order to get into the role physically.

I would not be myself without my wheelchair. My chair is a part of my identity. I know that I will have more chairs in the future.

My ex-boyfriend would become really depressed when he went without using his chair for awhile. I remember we would ride places together. When we rode outside, his physical appearance would change. He seemed much happier and full of life.

You have to stand up for yourself and what you really want to be. “Friends” may disapprove and make hurtful comments. You need to take control of your life and find a community that will accept you. Don’t be a mask society wears. :)

I had two friends who were English graduates and I was an English major in college. I am now feeling confident in myself and want to submit writings to newspapers and magazines for publication. As I waited for my mom to visit yesterday, I wrote four pages on society, “The Phantom of the Opera,” and mental illness. After I re-read the piece, I realized I need to add on here and there.

There are many areas of the English field you can pursue: becoming an editor, presiding over literary boards, contributing articles and stories, and changing how other people view causes you believe in.

One of my favorite movies growing up was the movie “Splash (featuring Tom Hanks and Darryl Hannah).” Hannah was taking a shower when Hanks knocked on the door. At the time Hanks had no idea he had fallen for a mermaid. Rushing around, Hannah began to dry her fins off. She knew that this man would not accept her as a whole if he knew about the “secret.”

My boyfriend is a Polio survivor and I have CP. Our friends don’t see us for our disabilities. He and I both love to laugh and have fun. We are both disabled psychologically and physically. Friends feed off our emotions. It’s give and take.

I wish you the best of luck, peace, and happiness in your life. :)

Will your friends miss you when you are gone? Every true friend misses a friend from his or her past. I have memories of two friends from kindergarten, and they pop into my mind from time to time. I don’t miss them because I don’t know them now. I miss their memory. These girls played with me as if I was not disabled.

-Wheelman

I suspect you’re wrong, people will miss you, some of them at least.

That said, I never really belonged anywhere until I was involved in the disability rights movement. Even professional associations, sporting clubs, hobby groups and all that, never really fitted in.

I know this group isn’t the same as “real” friends, but we’re here, and we’re your mates :)

A close friend of mine went to Japan to do this, and absolutely loved it. He will be finishing up three years in a few months, and returning close to where I live. I am SO looking forward to hanging out with him again. He knows about the BIID, and is one of those friends who knew me well enough not to be surprised about it. True friends will still be there for you when you get back, Gordo.