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The First Times
Written by Elisabeth on Thursday, January 14, 2010
When you start wheeling, there are a lot of first times. The very first time wheeling. The first door to be opened. The first grocery store trip. The first explanation why you wheel. The first time balancing library books on your lap. So what were my first times like in the past two months?
My very first wheeling was in Walmart, the day after I bought my wheelchair. Now I don’t normally go to Walmart. So I knew nobody would recognise me there, no need for explanations. For the first time in years I had fun there. I was able to get around the store fast. Waiting in the checkout lane, my legs didn’t hurt. And I knew from that moment that I was hooked.
My first explanation was to a store clerk that I knew from my regular shopping trips there. "I’m fine, it’s temporary." No more questions asked. I think people get pacified with the words OK and temporary.
My first opening of a door. Didn’t go well at all. I got stuck. It was a double door, opening toward me. Instead of being on the side that I wasn’t opening, I was behind the door I was trying to open. Stupid me. The store clerk saw me, opened the door and apologised for having a manual door. Well, that experience shook me a bit and it took me a few weeks before I tried to open any door. Got some tips from Chloe and now I can open almost any door without looking silly. I prefer people not to hold the door for me as they almost always keep their toes in my way.
My first talking to another wheelchair user while wheeling. In a thrift store, to an eight-year old girl. We had fun time together, wheeling around, talking, having people stare at us. The little girl who was just a pleasure to be around, shared with me that it gets on her nerves when people stare. So I recommended that we practice my approach: when somebody stares, say hello to them and give them a big smile. In nine cases out of ten it works. She tried it and was very pleased that it worked.
My first encounter of a very nosy person. In the same thrift store, same time. He was looking at me for a while and then finally in the checkout lane asked me if I shop at Sam’s club. "Sure", was my answer. "But you weren’t in the wheelchair then?" he inquired. "That’s right. I need to use my wheelchair sometimes." Now that should shut him up, yet he wanted more info. I just started ignoring him and had a nice talk with the mommy of the little girl. We agreed that the guy’s behaviour was totally inappropriate. I can imagine she encounters it all the time.
My first grocery store visit. Now shopping from a wheelchair is a lot of fun. One is so much faster and if I forget something, it’s not a big deal to cross the whole store again. Basket in my lap. Why are almost all lasagna ingredients on the top shelf? No problem asking a stranger to hand it to me. There is this unwritten law that when one comes into a store, the store clerk will tell you to ask him if you need any help but when you need him, he’s nowhere around.
My first going to church. My weekday church is a different one from my Sunday church. My weekday church is in a mall. No accessibility problem except for the door. I am in the stage of being scared by heavy doors. So I ask somebody to open it for me. Find a spot where I won’t be in people’s way. Some people come and ask what happened to me. "I’m OK, it’s temporary," is my mantra. Some people rub my back, I guess feeling sorry for me. That makes me nauseous. Physically and mentally. Have to start sitting on the other side of the church. Takes me a few weeks to manage the heavy single door on that side. But on that side nobody bothers me. The feeling of guilt about wheeling in church never comes. I can pray better now. I am not distracted by standing and kneeling, I just sit there and get inside my soul.
My first rolling off a ramp. Meaning, you try to get up the ramp that is too steep and you roll back. Not the most pleasant situation. And there is usually somebody watching you. So I look him in the eye, laugh and shrug my shoulders and slowly try again.
My first going through the Christmas crowd in the mall. I just became totally invisible. I am too short and too quiet. And too fast. People change their paths all the time. People won’t move out of my way. I feel like when I drive my turbocharged Volvo up a steep hill. Frustrated because I am faster than they are and I can’t pass them. And it finally dawns on me. In a wheelchair I can do something I can’t do in my Volvo – I can go against the flow. And it works. People might think that I am rude or arrogant going agaist the flow. Well, it’s not like I am going with the flow of a normal life anyway, right?
My first telling of my BIID to a friend of mine. She handles it great. She acknowledges that she doesn’t understand it but that there are a lot of things she doesn’t understand anyway (she’s a very intelligent person). And it opens her to share about her fears and concerns. My sharing makes us better friends.
My first hike. Or walk. Or whatever it should be called. It took me two months to do that. Had to develop some muscles first. There is still some snow on the paths. Though the park is flat, one has to go down first and then uphill at the end. There is no way how I will get up. Oh well, in worst case I will have to get off and push my chair. I go down anyway. The day is warm, the ground still a bit frozen, making the ride smooth and fairly easy. I just enjoy the peace, in and out. When I get to the gravel ramp, full of snow and ice, I ponder my choices. I am stuck. And then a walker behind me offers her help to push me up. I accept it. Sometimes there are people to help me out. "Thank you!" and we part.
Tags: BIID, Wheelchair
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5 Comments
I just had another first: a puddle of somebody’s pee blocking my entrance to the women’s restroom at work. There was no way to maneuver around it, and I didn’t want urine all over my wheels. I could have gone in the men’s I suppose, but I know that some of the psychotherapists down the corridor come to use it sometimes. I could have cleaned it up myself, but the task would not have been trivially easy. I could have called housekeeping, but they’ll be here in a couple of hours in any case to mop the floors. I’m the only person back in this wing today, so it wouldn’t benefit anybody else. I decided to journey down the corridors to the next closest restroom.
What didn’t even cross my mind until I started writing this comment, was the easiest solution of all. I could have just got up out of my wheelchair and walked around the puddle with the greatest of ease.
Stupid puddle is still there this morning! The cleaning ladies must have taken a day off. Thanks for the suggestion, Brice; something else that didn’t cross my mind.
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1 On 14 January, 2010, Chloe said:
I LOVED reading about all these firsts. Thank you for sharing your experiences. What you did for that eight year old girl was wonderful; a great example of how we can use our BIID to benefit others.
Variations of new experiences keep coming for a long time. Yesterday I left work just ahead of a woman and her ~6 year old son. I held the first set of double doors open for them, and then the boy dashed around to hold the next set open for me. I had to back up since I was already there, but I gave him a big smile. He had clearly seen that I could open the doors for myself, but it was equally clear that it would make his day to open the next set for me. I told him “Thank you so much”, and he smiled back.