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Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Dante's Thoughts / A Little Bit of Everything

A Little Bit of Everything

Written by Dante on Saturday, June 28, 2008

Awhile back I had a conversation with someone else I know that also deals with BIID. Often that person is the one who spurs me to write as I have. Once again, that person told me that I should explain my unqiue sitation…

…a unique one indeed.

You all know, that of course, I live with BIID - not the most occurant of cases, my need has been to become deaf; most cases encountered are those who need amputations or a spinal cord injury/complication. I also happen to be a Devotee of sorts as well (again not your ‘mainstream’ sort), but even that’s not a singular phenomenon; yes, this gets even more interesting…

…I also am a paraplegic myself.

I guess it’s the trifecta, unholy trinity, whatever such a strange combination of my sort could be called. If my first indicator (the person I had been talking with) is a gauge of what reading that invokes; there’s probably a lot of jealousy/envy going on. There are probably a few puzzled faces wondering if something like this could happen without doing some obscene breaking of the laws of the universe.

Yeah, I already know I’m weird.

Prior to finding a name for all of this, it was a strange gathering going about in Dante’s head. I constantly (and still do) contended with my ‘other selfs’ that it wasn’t true; it couldn’t be true. It defied mainstream logic. How could I have this ache to have a part of my being disabled that already wasn’t? Wasn’t dealing with one thing enough? It was always clear disability was an ‘undesireable trait’, having to be ‘treated’ by medical professionals who try their best to eliminate the effects. I was directly in confrontation with Mr. Apollo-Physician. So, of course, I kept it my little secret. While many people always mention how they felt like they were the only person in the world who felt the way they did; I always had an unusual confidence, even though until very recent I didn’t know anyone else with similar circumstance, that there were other people out there that probably had a similar type of situation, albeit most of you are a bit less ironic than I am.

I have always been good at being the living paragon of a hypocrite anyway.

Being a Devotee seemed to glue it all together, and probably was/is the overt way I manage BIID. It also leaves me bold enough to say, I understand the feelings those who honestly need to be paraplegics (and of course my understanding isn’t just limited to that). I understand, and I have felt this ironic pain where as a Devotee I have desired someone, and have envied the very person at the same time!

So yes, I understand, I understand. While I wish this dreaded, mocking irony didn’t exist so I wouldn’t have to understand…

…I understand.

Tags: BIID, Deaf, Disability, Paraplegic, Spinal Cord Injury