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Week Two
Written by Chloe on Sunday, August 2, 2009
It seemed like it would be interesting to write down things that happen at work as a result of being in a wheelchair. I’m writing this in diary style, numbering the days according to actual wheeling days at work. This is week two:
Day 4
Today is my fourth day of wheeling at work. It amazes me how quickly this gets to feel completely normal; and it becomes hard to imagine any other way of doing things.
I was in the process of assembling my wheelchair in the parking lot at work when someone drove into the space next to me. He waved. I waved back. I’ve known him for eighteen years. He works at the front desk some of the time, and has complete T9 paraplegia. I have talked with him at length about his accident, and about quite a lot of things relating to paraplegia.
I finished up my transfer, retrieved my purse from the front seat, locked the car, and wheeled round to where he was assembling his wheelchair. We chatted as he completed his transfer. Somehow it seemed okay for me to watch since I was also in a wheelchair. It was the first time I’d seen anybody transfer at such close quarters. It was also the first time that he had seen me in a wheelchair.
He asked me how I was doing, as we wheeled together to the entrance. He already knew that I had been in a car crash. I told him that I was finding it easier to be in a wheelchair. He seemed pleased at that response and agreed that wheelchairs make things a lot easier. I went on to say that I was still having pain in my left shoulder, and that the biggest problem I was having was opening the front doors. He agreed that the front doors were a major pain in the ass (we have previously joked together about him having no pain in the ass).
When we got to the entrance I opened a door for him. He went through, and opened the door for me in the next set. Wow, how cool is that? Two wheelchair users opening the door for each other. It really made me feel accepted as a PWD.
We continued to chat as we wheeled together along the corridor. We bid each other good day as our paths separated. There was a lot of affection towards me in both his words and his tone, and there also seemed to be a protective sentiment for the new wheeler on the block. He and I are the only employees here who use wheelchairs. I expect he is glad not to be the only one. I am too.
After I’d finished lunch, our paths crossed again just outside the cafeteria. Big broad smiles and greetings. I commented how nicely accessible everything is in the cafeteria.
Day 5
The physician with whom I work closely came to my office for a couple of hours to discuss some logical connections between different sets of experiments we had done. It wasn’t the first time he has seen me in a wheelchair. We had taken some business trips together a few months ago, and I had been in wheelchairs at various airports. At that time I was presenting at work with a right crutch.
Now he came into my office, and here I was in a wheelchair. In the intermediate time he had been seeing me with a left leg brace. Although he didn’t know that I was going to be in a wheelchair today, he was clearly not surprised by it. He had already heard about my car crash through the grapevine. I’ve been in a car crash. I’m in a wheelchair. People assume that there is a causal relationship between these without me saying anything at all about it.
The Wreck
As it happened, Alicia had just e-mailed me the pics she had taken of my wrecked car. I had the image of a nice shot on my computer screen when my colleague entered my office. Look at the picture of my car. Look at me in a wheelchair. No explanation or words are needed.
Well, he is a physician though, so he was interested in more of the medical aspects. I told him about not being able to move the toes on my left foot for a few hours at the hospital. I showed him how the orthotist had given me a semi-fixed ankle on the leg brace. He said that this was all consistent with a spinal concussion. Nothing had been mentioned about this at the hospital because I had lied, and said that it was normal for me not to be able to move the toes on my left foot. My colleague said this all made sense, and that a spinal concussion at the site of a pre-existing injury was quite likely to cause temporary symptoms, but in addition to leave some degree of residual additional paralysis. Absolutely fucking brilliant!!! I don’t even have to make up my own medical explanations.
During my crash story another colleague, a physiologist, had joined us. At the end of this conversation, I said to both of them that I was finding it easier to get around in a wheelchair than with a leg brace and crutch. They both nodded in agreement, indicating that this made perfect sense.
There’s a twist. Earlier in the day, a friend of mine had sent me an e-vite to a party she will be having in late August. My physiologist colleague is also invited. Shit! I’ve been trying to keep work and friends as separate groups of people. Most of my close friends know all about the BIID. Now there are going to be people at the same party who have heard radically different versions of why I’m in a wheelchair. Shit shit shit!!! Well, I have a few weeks to figure this out. There are two things to figure out. Firstly I have to decide what my presentation will be at the party. That in itself is a complex decision. Then I have to figure out the discrepancy of stories. My current inclination is to tell my physiologist colleague all about the BIID, and swear him to secrecy at work. We’ll see.
Day 6
One of the coffee ladies has been on vacation for the last couple of weeks. She was back today, when I went for my afternoon latte. I had previously talked with her at length about her car accident, in which she got pretty smashed up, including eight broken vertebrae. She had a long recovery, including more than a year in a wheelchair. However, two years post crash there was no residual paralysis. That kind of stuff is good to know. You can break your back pretty severely and still not end up with any paralysis at all.
Anyway, she noticed I was in a wheelchair of course, so I told her I’d been in a car crash. We had a long chat about car crashes and spinal cord injuries.
I told her what my physician colleague had mentioned yesterday about spinal concussions. She knew enough about the subject to realise immediately that a spinal concussion at the site of a pre-existing injury could result in residual long term paralysis.
This is just all too easy!!! I’ve been handed on a plate an explanation of being in wheelchair. And I have to say virtually nothing in order to explain it.
I’m finding it interesting that every door has it’s own unique characteristics. When you have to open the same doors on a daily basis, you gradually learn an optimal technique for each door. The variety of techniques is amazing. Someone commented today that I got through a door so fast that they didn’t even have time to think about opening it for me.
Sometimes I just wheel around my office out of sheer joy.
And sometimes I sit here at my desk thinking I must be completely nuts. How did I end up in a wheelchair?
Day 7
As I was wheeling away from my car in the parking lot, the T9 guy pulled up in his car. I didn’t stay since I was already on my way, but we smiled and waved at each other. There is definitely a sense that we are both glad of each other’s presence at work.
Things are pretty quiet at lunch now. Everybody is used to seeing me in a wheelchair. One guy asked me how my shoulder was. That’s it.
Eventually people will notice that I’ve been in a wheelchair for quite a long time, and there will be questions relating to permanence. No big deal. It’s permanent. End of story.
There have been some changes outside of work as a consequence of wheeling at work. It used to be the case that I would head straight for the wheelchair as soon as I got home. Now I feel content to just walk around with the left leg brace when I get home. I had not anticipated this, but it’s a good thing. It leaves me with a little wiggle room should I feel the need to increase my wheelchair use beyond current levels.
Similarly, I have been using a wheelchair at the intersex support group for almost a year. I’m planning to go back to using leg braces and crutches for this evening’s meeting. However, at this point I am no longer comfortable with "cheating" up stairs by unlocking a knee. And I’m not sure if my left shoulder is yet ready for the crutch technique required for getting up stairs with both knees locked. I’m bringing the wheelchair in the car just in case.
Here endeth week two of wheeling at work.
Tags: Accessible, BIID, Crash, Crutch, Leg Brace, Orthotist, Pain, Paralysis, Paraplegia, PWD, Spinal Concussion, Spinal Cord Injuries, Transfer, Vertebrae, Wheelchair
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6 Comments
Thanks Phil.
I always have some minor cuts from hiking, but people don’t comment on such things. Besides I have also cut myself getting the wheelchair in and out of the car. Yeah, I know, sloppy technique!
If anything serious happened while hiking, the reality is that I wouldn’t make it back. I always carry a cell phone, but there is almost never reception in wilderness areas. Yelling wouldn’t do any good, because I usually haven’t seen anybody for hours by the time I am in somewhat dangerous areas. Alicia knows roughly where I am going, but I would be off trail having made a number of route finding decisions on the way. I would not be easy to find. She wouldn’t notify anybody until around midnight in any case, because I am often home after dark. My perception is that spending the night up there with a serious injury is likely to be fatal.
I am able to get by without telling any direct lies. I was chatting with two ladies on the administrative staff in the lunch line today. They asked about the wheelchair. I told them that I could still get around with the leg brace and a crutch, but I was finding it much faster and easier to be in a wheelchair. No lies there, and they found the explanation to be completely reasonable. They have seen me zipping around in the chair.
It has been fourteen weeks now. Yesterday evening there was a staff party for psychotherapists, psychiatrists and nurses specialising in the treatment of depression. I was explicitly invited (part of my work relates to the development of novel methods for treatment of depression).
There were about thirty people and I had a really good time. Some I hadn’t talked with before, so we introduced ourselves. After chatting a while, one of them asked about the “contraption on my leg”. I found the terminology very cute, and I started laughing. So did she. I’ll have to remember this one, and refer to my leg contraption in future.
The salmon was absolutely delicious, but I had a yearning for one of Lane’s cupcakes. They would have been much appreciated; as also his comedy routine.
Had to share this interaction at the cafeteria today:
Employee: How long are you going to be in that? (referring to the wheelchair as if wheelchair is a dirty word).
Me: Oh, a long time.
Employee: How long?
Me: Maybe forever.
Employee: That’s awful!
Me: No it isn’t. (with a huge smile on my face)(that shut her up).
That’s funny Chloe. I never cease to be amazed at the way people talk to us. Recently, like you, I had occasion to retort, although I wasn’t smiling.
Location: Holiday Inn – Hotel hallway
Equipment: Shoe polishing machine
Characters: 2 ladies, Peter and a friend
Peter wheels up to the machine and laughs at his surprise to find it is at exactly the right height for the footrest.
Lady 1:
Oh! Is it tickling your little pinkies?
(Peter looks around to find the 4 year-old she’s talking to)
Peter:
Actually, NO! I can’t feel a fucking thing!
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1 On 4 August, 2009, Phil said:
Hi Chloe,
thanks for your diary and sharing it!
It’s good to hear that – as so often – fear of the reaction of others is worse than their real reaction.
It’s interesting that you don’t use your wheelchair at home after having it used at work. So the need can be satisfied part-time? Maybe you can enjoy your ability to walk, the feeling and movement of your legs and all that (but only part-time)?
If you had an accident while hiking (there is a real danger, you going in a lot of risk), how would you explain this?
You are really courageous. I would think much too much about what could happen, who could ask what etc. I would have such a hard time. Everything short of the full truth makes me nervous and feel like a liar. I think that’s my problem.