Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Chloe's Thoughts / The In-Laws
The In-Laws
Written by Chloe on Friday, March 20, 2009
There are bridges to cross… One of these is how to present to my partner’s family, and what to say.
Since I started using a forearm crutch at work in October, my partner had been reluctant to invite me to a family visit. We don’t have to worry about Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc because they are Jehovah’s Witnesses and don’t condone that kind of stuff. Actually it surprises me how much they like me, and express affection for me. After all, lesbians are not exactly condoned either.
My partner didn’t want to ask me to present as able bodied in front of her family. She knows I just don’t go to any social engagements like that any more. I’m not going to say anything at all to them about BIID, but we were a bit apprehensive about how they would take me presenting as disabled.
Finally we had to face the issue. My partner’s sister, who has multiple disabilities, had been in intensive care and her survival was iffy. She improved a lot, and we wanted to go visit her in the hospital.
Presenting as able bodied in a social situation is just out of the question for me. On the other hand nothing has been said to the family about my wheelchair. If I really had a physical need for the wheelchair, surely my partner would have already said something about it to her family. Just showing up like that would look odd. It seemed like presenting with a forearm crutch was the most reasonable option.
We picked up my partner’s dad and then the three of us drove to the hospital. I was glad the focus was not on me, and there was only a small amount of conversation about my crutch. It all went quite smoothly. It’s very easy to explain without telling any lies. I just tell the truth about my skiing accident and people will simply make the assumption that the paralysis is much more than it really is, based only on my use of the crutch.
I like talking with my partner’s sister. She is very open with me about everything, physical and psychological. It was weird for me to hear her say that she was determined not to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair. Different people want different things. But isn’t it interesting that what she said would not be considered strange; yet I felt compelled to keep my mouth shut on the issue. There is this assumption that of course it is better not to be in a wheelchair. To say or think otherwise is blasphemy.
After the hospital visit we hung out with my partner’s dad for a while. He and I were joking around about which of us was walking slower. I had offered him to use my other crutch, which was in the car, since he has some difficulty walking.
Then my partner and I went to a friend’s house. He was making lunch and dinner for us; it was delicious. We had a wonderful time together and it was so nice to be able to spend the rest of the day at his place, hanging out comfortably in my wheelchair, presenting as the real me.
Tags: Able Bodied, Accident, BIID, Crutch, Disabled, Paralysis, Wheelchair
This entry appears in Chloe's Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
3 Comments
That’s wonderful that your partner supported you again and as a result, you were able to be your true self in front of her family. I guess that means that future visits with be that much simpler, now that the ice has been broken.
I look forward to the day that I can be my true self. Great story.
3 On 20 March, 2009, Sophie said:
It’s different for a lot of people. For some people they have a better quality of life if they use a wheelchair, and other people (because of their illnesses) end up going downhill once they end up in a wheelchair. My Gran had polio and TB as a child and she spent most of her life going in and out of hospital to avoid ending up in a wheelchair. When she died at age 65 the doctors said she had the body of an 80 year old, she’d eventually died after fighting cancer and a stroke finished her off. Once something tipped the scales that was her health she went downhill really really fast.
Post your comments
© transabled.org - 1994-2010 - All Rights Reserved.
1 On 20 March, 2009, Tora said:
The bit about being determined not to be in a wheelchair… That always kinda caught me off guard about people. Like, the other day, my dad and I were watching a documentary about how maybe our long lifespans aren’t always so great because some people get really sick, and there was a shot of some old guy walking really slow pushing an empty wheelchair. I was like “why doesn’t he just get in the wheelchair?” And my dad was like “well if he doesn’t practice walking, he’ll be in the wheelchair forever.” And I didn’t say anything (I’m already afraid he might have figured it out, but I might just be paranoid) but I was thinking “what’s wrong with that? I wouldn’t mind it one bit…”