transabled.org

I too struggle with the concept of pretending. For me the use of a chair feels natural, as things were intended. I am not pretending I need a chair. I really need it to feel like the real me.
‘Present’ seems like a fairly neutral term. it’s used in psychiatry to represent the way people appear objectively – which fits this use as well.
Why not try it and see?

I don’t pretend to use a wheelchair, I am a wheelchair user. I really don’t like the term pretender.

I think the term “present” makes more sense and is more appropriate. Thank you for the suggestion.

However, I don’t think it’ll “catch”. The word Pretender seems to be well rooted. It’s been 6 years since I have been using transabled and still, most people refer to “wannabe”. *shrug* No matter, “present” is nicer.

But does that make us “presenters”? :)

Thanks Cath. I’ll try it in some future posts to see how it works out in terms of clarity, accuracy, and being inoffensive to all parties.

No matter what a man feels like, if he’s got XX chromosomes, he’s a woman.

@Sean. It depends what you mean by “most people”. I suspect that most people still haven’t heard of us. My GP hadn’t heard of us. My psychotherapist hadn’t heard of us. Most of the friends I’ve told hadn’t heard of us.

My impression is that most of us on transabled.org use the terms “BIID” or “transabled” rather than “wannabe”. I think that we CAN influence what other people call us. I have never referred to myself as a “wannabe”, and none of the >50 people I have told about this has ever referred to me using that word.

I hate the term “pretender.” I have a condition that requires the use of mobility aids for my well-being. When I use them, I feel better, I work better, I am better. That’s all. Period.

@Becs. I absolutely disagree with the assertion that one can determine a person’s gender or sex by their chromosomes. One of my friends is XxY (x is fragile X). Another is XX/XY mosaic. Can you tell me what gender they are by your system? There are about twenty different kinds of sex chromosomal variants in humans. Some of them are necessarily intersexed; some of them are not. XXX and XYY do not represent intersex conditions. However, XXXY and XX/XXY are intersex conditions.

Not all intersex conditions involve a variant of sex chromosomes. For example an XY person with TAIS (total androgen insensitivity syndrome) looks female at birth, and throughout their life. The external genitalia looks completely female. They grow breasts, which on average are larger than normal. They almost always have a female gender identity. The intersex condition usually does not come to light until they find they are infertile. Are you seriously going to tell me these people are men?

Conversely an XX person with CAH (congenital adrenal hyperplasia) will look like a man.

Someone with 5alpha-reductase deficiency will look like a girl until puberty, at which point their genitalia will morph into male.

There are about a hundred different intersex conditions. The only way to determine if someone is a man or a woman is to ASK them.

Perhaps the term \”pretender\” is best left to describe those with a purely sexual or social desire to use a chair/mobility aids. Whereas the term \”presenter\” is \’perhaps\’ more appropriate when describing those with the desire/need to be disabled for real.

Then again, if you do have neurological (but not necessarily physical) need to use a wheelchair (and do use one), then why not simply call yourself a user, and leave it at that ?.

I don\’t know what it\’s like where you are, but here in the UK (as far as i know) there are no laws which stipulate wheelchairs can only be used by those with physical impairments. Although trying to get free parking and exemption from the London congestion charge could cause a few problems ;) So, from a legal point of view it\’s an acceptable action, although socially (as we all know) it can highlight all sorts of issues.

I guess the moral of this post is, if it helps you in your \’fight\’ with these desires then go ahead, use a chair as much as you want, and don\’t worry about what others think, or what labels they put on you. Why let guilt ruin your life when you\’ve got nothing to feel guilty about (unless you\’re Catholic or course..;)

Personally, when i was a user/pretender it only ever brought more frustration, torment and stress than the actual desires ever did, because, it wasn\’t real. I hated knowing that at any given moment i could simply step out of it and walk off, or climb a flight of stairs, or reach for that tin of beans i\’d left on the top shelf in the kitchen cupboard. I really hated the feeling that i could actually feel my own legs, and move and flex them when they were getting a bit stiff with sitting down so much. So now i don\’t use a chair at all, and most of that frustration has gone. The desire to be a para is as strong as it ever was, but the torment and stress levels are now very managable. But that\’s just me, i guess it\’s different for others.

Err, sorry, getting of topic there…so yeah, pretenders, presenters, users, fetishists, weirdos, whatever. Whatever word or definition you\’re most comfortable with and it makes you happy within yourself, than go for it. At the end of the day we are all responsible for our own happiness and peace of mind, and as long as your actions arn\’t hurting anyone else, then, Cest la vie ! (or something like that…)

I personally like the term “present”. And I completely disagree with the statement that your gender is determined by your chromosomes. I think that my transgendered friends have as much right to be female as I do, just like we have the right to be disabled, just like a woman should be able to have an abortion if she wants to.