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Oh, How Uncomfortable!
Written by Chloe on Saturday, March 20, 2010
Sometimes strangers say things to people with disabilities, which seem a bit, well, strange. Sometimes strange people say strange things that really get me thinking.
There’s a convenience store on the way home from work that I go to a couple of times a month. I shop from a wheelchair at the vast majority of stores. However, I reserve this one store to shop with just a leg brace, when I want a few items in a hurry on the way home.
Yesterday I left work a bit on the late side, and I wanted to make it home in time to see the American Idol results followed by two hours of Paralympics. Only three items were on the shopping list. I knew we were out of both milk and cookies; and I also wanted to see if they had moleskin (poor little moles!). The moleskin was a tip from my ex-Paralympian friend who has decades of experience with leg braces. I had told her about the leather wearing through on my upper thigh cuff, exposing the bare metal underneath. The main problem is that it scrapes up toilet seats. Anyway, she suggested moleskin.
Within seconds of my entering the store, and wandering around looking for moleskin, a woman suddenly said "Oh, how uncomfortable!" I looked at her. She was looking at my leg brace. I gave her a big smile. We went on our way. Had I been skilled at repartee, no doubt I could have come up with something both clever and funny. But I’m not. It left me thinking though.
How interesting that her perception of what I was experiencing was so radically different from what I was actually experiencing. To start off with, I don’t find anything physically uncomfortable about wearing a leg brace. If it’s not comfortable then it hasn’t been fitted right. Mine are just the right circumference. The distance between the knee and ankle hinges is exactly right. Moreover, the orthopedic shoes are absolutely the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn in my entire life. What a joy not to have to worry about shoe fashion! Maybe it’s just that all that metal LOOKS uncomfortable? But the only place where the metal actually makes contact with my skin is my inner thigh, where I can’t feel it in any case.
Then there’s another thing. Comfort is relative. How does that woman know how comfortable it is for me NOT to wear a leg brace? I’m just talking physically here. The reality is that in the last couple of months it has become quite uncomfortable for me not to be wearing the left leg brace. I’m not really understanding it, but there are two components, and it seems to have something to do with skiing.
I’ve been limping since my first skiing of the season in late January. No, I’m not faking it, and it’s when I’m not wearing a leg brace. I’m just guessing here, but I’m presuming that it has something to do with extreme inactivity of the left leg, punctuated by the skiing bursts of extreme exercise. The two components are that it leaves my leg not weight bearing, and painful in addition. It very gradually wears off over time (weeks), and comes right back after a day’s skiing.
I stopped transferring from bed to wheelchair in the mornings, after the rotator cuff tear in July. I’m still getting out of bed as if able bodied; except that I’m not able bodied. My tendency is to put down my left leg first when I get out of bed, but I’m immediately reminded that’s not a good idea. It won’t hold my weight, and it’s painful. I can hardly wait to put on my leg brace in the mornings. It makes it substantially easier to walk around, and much less painful. Yes indeed, it is far more comfortable to be wearing a leg brace than not wearing it.
This post is about perceptions, so now I am wondering how you, the reader, are perceiving this. I’ve been a little hesitant to describe how nicely screwed up my left leg has become, for two reasons. Firstly I had wondered if it was some freak temporary thing. Apparently it isn’t. Secondly, well I was worried that you’d think I was making it up. It all seems mysteriously convenient doesn’t it? I wanted my left leg to be screwed up, and it gets screwed up, as if by magic! I wanted to (physically) need a leg brace, and now I need a leg brace. Okay, "need" is an exaggeration. However it is definitely easier to walk with it than without it. I would be very interested to know if other people have experienced this; though I have to admit that I don’t really know what "this" is.
Back to the woman in the store. My leg brace is not only comfortable physically, but it is also comforting at the psychological level. It is simply no longer in me to get out of the car and walk into a store as if able bodied, albeit with a significant limp these days. The leg brace allows me to be psychologically comfortable without the wheelchair for short periods of time.
My initial reaction to the woman’s comment was "Geez, how wrong can you be!" (not said out loud). However the thoughts kept coming long after I had left the store (no moleskin!). It wasn’t until I was watching the Paralympics that I started to think about my own perceptions of the woman in the store rather than her perceptions of me. It was after they had announced the next event being the visually impaired biathlon. My immediate reaction was "Blind people shooting guns! You gotta be kidding me!" You see, I’m not immune from such prejudices. When I watched the event it all made sense. I had an erroneous perception of what blind people can and can’t do.
What about my perception of the woman in the store? I had perceived her as being ignorant and wrong. But what did I know about her? What was her past? What emotional baggage had she brought into that store? Had she broken her leg at some point and needed cast for a month? Did she find it uncomfortable? I’ve never broken my leg. I don’t know how uncomfortable that would be. I’ve casted my leg to treat BIID, but for no longer than three days at a time. I didn’t find it uncomfortable, but three days is different from a month.
The point is… We may perceive other people to be making silly remarks about our disabilities. However, we don’t know all the events in their life which led them to make such a remark. I would prefer trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. At the end of the day I was glad that I had shown the woman compassion, if only by default from lacking the wit to come up with a sarcastic response.
Tags: BIID, Blind, Cast, Leg Brace, Limp, Paralympics, Perception, Skiing, Wheelchair
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13 Comments
Chloe, your compassion is exceptional.
I don’t give Westerners the benefit of doubt. They are either ignorant or prejudiced,
which as my old Latin teacher would say “explains but doesn’t excuse” their behaviour. Education is usually a good way to go about, perhaps explaining the lady that the brace itself is not painful and that it enables you to walk better. Unfortunately we get surprised and don’t know how to react right away. If I don’t have my answers ready, I can’t be witty either.
Will have to figure out for myself what to do with kids that keep staring even after I try to talk to them and show them a wheelie. I
Great article chloe.i though your point about diferent disabled people disrespecting each other,and i myself am to guilty,was a sublime point. Groing up with autism we would be condicended by the schitzo’s and then we would sort feel better than the tards and people with physical disabity were sort of a non issue.until i stumbled on para cathys web site.now i love wheelchair pretenders.disabled people have lot to learn about each other.wheelchair pretenders have very profound insights on disability issues.
@Sophie: Since I don’t have the foggiest clue what an eftpos machine is, let alone how to use one, and I’ll be taking hearing aids for a test drive later this afternoon, I seem to fit the stereotype rather well. ;o(
5 On 20 March, 2010, Sophie said:
An EFTPOS machine is what you swipe your ATM card with in shops to pay for goods and services.
@Sophie: I’ve never had an ATM card. Thanks for confirming that I’m intellectually disabled.
7 On 23 March, 2010, Sophie said:
Stop putting words in my mouth Chloe! You’re awesome!
@Sophie: It takes a lot of self restraint not to put words in your mouth since your parents won’t let me out of your head. ;o)
9 On 23 March, 2010, Sophie said:
Your more than welcome to climb out of my mouth and give my parents a piece of your mind in person…as long as I don’t end up living on your living room floor being threatened with deportation by the US government.
Giving your parents a piece of my mind while I currently inhabit your mind sounds like a logistical nightmare.
@Elisabeth – Unfortunately a lot of westerners are very ignorant =/
One of my friends especially, is what I’d call a typical male.
Perfectly accepting of Lesbians because “They’re hot” but not accepting of a gay couple. Ugh…
Unfortunately – yes, a lot of westerners do need to grow up and learn a thing or two about the world outside of our border =/
Haha. Yeah – And I’m an intersexual and descend into many racial classes including Native American so ^^;
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1 On 20 March, 2010, Sophie said:
And then there’s the assumption many people make that most wheelchair users are intellectually disabled and deaf as well. I’ll never forget the day in the supermarket when the checkout operator tried to teach me how to use the eftpos machine! Sorry I don’t give em the benefit of the doubt in those circumstances, they’re just being plain silly.