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Me, a Bridesmaid?
Written by Chloe on Sunday, February 14, 2010
A dear friend of mine, with multiple disabilities, recently became engaged to be married (BIID Acceptance). She asked me if I would be one of her bridesmaids. Would I? No kidding! I’m ecstatic about it.
The wedding is not until September, but I can’t get out of my mind the image of myself as a bridesmaid in a nice dress, in a wheelchair. I’m going to have to practice my dance technique. Oh come on, Chloe. Stop being so damned narcissistic! The wedding is about HER, not you. Yes, all right, but it will be my first time ever as a bridesmaid. How wonderful that I will be in a wheelchair!
Yesterday my friend and her fiance came over to our house, bringing food. She was going to cook for us, for the first time. She implied that it was a thank you to me for being her bridesmaid (she had seemed worried that I might not want to). From my perspective the thanks are due entirely the other way round. In any case it’s always good to spend quality time together. Perhaps I should mention that it doesn’t work quite so well to hang out at her place. She is currently in a communal living situation that is not conducive for private and intimate conversations over dinner.
My friend prepares meals rather slowly, and appreciated the occasional assistance from her fiance and myself. We were careful to let her be in charge and just go at her own pace though. She is indeed an excellent cook, and everything was worth waiting for. Unfortunately Alicia wasn’t feeling well and stayed in bed most of the time. My friend served her in bed, and took the opportunity for some one on one time. They are also close friends.
At the same time I was able to have some great quality time with the fiance. We talked about the cliff at the top of a particular run that we have both skied a number of times. I have always skirted around the cliff to enter the run from the side, but I have stood on the top of that cliff, contemplating; and I have stood at the bottom, contemplating. I decided it was too dangerous. He, on the other hand, skied off that cliff one time. He said it was the scariest thing he has ever done while skiing. He has an impressive array of accumulated injuries, and was skiing on a broken ankle last week. So there you have it. I am NOT the most insane skier out there.
I started to wonder if he knew why I was in a wheelchair, or that I’m intersexed. Neither topic had ever come up between us, but I prefer it if friends know these things.
After my friend had finished talking with Alicia, the fiance went to the restroom, and I took the opportunity of asking her what he knew about me. She is massively supportive about my BIID, hoping that I’ll be able to have surgery soon, etc. So I’m completely comfortable with her telling anybody as she sees fit. It turned out that she had told her fiance much about my BIID, as well as about me being intersexed. I was very glad about this, since it saved any awkwardness when both topics did indeed come up later.
They stayed for seven hours, and we had a great time together. Before they left I told them how wonderful it was to have friends with whom I can just be myself, without ever having to engage in self censorship. It was mutual. They both have plenty of issues. Big hugs and kisses all round. I am SO excited about the wedding!
Tags: BIID, Wheelchair
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2 Comments
Hi Sylvie,
My friend already figured out the color scheme. Bridesmaids may wear the dress of their choice as long as it is a solid color chosen from one of three specified. I already have one such, nice and sexy. She’s not expecting people to spend lots of money.
The venue is not decided, so I asked her to take wheelchair accessibility into consideration. Among other issues, she has significant problems with balance, but she doesn’t use a chair herself.
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1 On 14 February, 2010, Sylvie said:
Chloe, I know this is an important to-do item but once you’ve done it, you’ll see that all the cliches are true. As much as you like the bride, she will likely outfit you and the other bridesmaids in a hideous get-up that will be expensive and unwearable anyplace but a Halloween party. At least you are spared the indignity of ugly dyed-to-match shoes.
Sitting in a chair will negate a lot of the hideousness, because the frou-frou seems to start below the waistline.
Still, weddings can be great fun and I hope you have a fabulous time. And then you’ll realize that you never have to do this again. ;)