Sometimes one thinks one has made psychological progress and then one backtracks. I was determined not to let this happen. Once a week for the six months following the workshop I picked out something from my notes to discuss intensively with Alicia. All that progress became consolidated.

Another advantage I had was the appearance of Kim (WildKat) as my guide just a few months after the workshop. I am astounded by her genius in psychology. Thank you Kim!

The upshot is that I have had a year without depression, a year without emotional baggage from the past, a year without blaming anyone for anything, a year of complete forgiveness for all, a year of happiness, a year of being at peace with BIID, a year of feeling patient, a year of mental health, a year of love.

Yeah, I know, it probably sounds like a year of self delusional horse crap! What can I say? Perhaps the belief in it makes it so.

A very powerful lesson is that the BIID is still just as intense. Were it psychogenic in origin, it should have all but disappeared. I embrace it more than ever.

I still have work to do. I still have psychological issues. I always will. My current focus is on overcoming persistent lack of assertiveness. This is very difficult for me and will take a lot of practice. I am determined that it shall not be achieved at the expense of loving kindness.

in other words: You can’t wait but you can wait.

Phil

Curiosity is a good thing. No need to apologise.

Yes, I feel the urge to become paraplegic but it’s not… Gosh, I just realised that I am at a loss for words to appropriately describe this. Every phrase that I come up with doesn’t seem quite right…

Exactly what does “okay” mean?

It’s confusing. I’m still getting used to feeling different, Is it going to last? They said it would likely take a couple of months to digest and assimilate everything that happened in the workshop.

Hmm… Everything is okay as a transient state on the way to the next state.

There, I think I answered the question. :o)

when your BIID is intense and you feel peaceful about it – do you feel the urge to become a paraplegic now or is it okay as it is?

Just curiosity, sorry.

My BIID remains intense, but I feel very peaceful about it. Does that make any sense at all?

It was great to just live. Life had enough other woes and happinesses for me. But I was more alive.

It is interesting that you didn’t experience any impact on your BIID. When I do such kind of work, BIID often pales and steps aside for some time.

You were said: “You think that you deserve to be in pain and that you deserve to be punished.” And you added: “I still don’t know how she got to that feedback from my answer, but it was certainly accurate. Does this have anything to do with BIID?”

This is a good (and old) question. Is BIID the expression for us wanting to be punished or hurt? Or is BIID a form of showing a wound of the soul through the body?

At least it seems that events and experiences like the one you wrote about can help to better deal with the effects of BIID. And when only BIID itself remains, maybe we can better bear it? What do you think (and feel)?