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In-Laws Revisited
Written by Chloe on Thursday, November 19, 2009
Alicia and I spent the day with her parents. It had been a while. On our last visit (The In-Laws) I was using a single crutch as my only assistive device. My disability presentations have changed since then.
Stairs. Urgh! No wheelchair. No problem. I’m sufficiently comfortable with just the left KAFO when things are not accessible.
There was only a little bit of fuss about my leg brace when we went in to the apartment. They wanted to know whether it was because of the skiing accident or the car wreck. We soon went on to discuss other things; no big deal.
Assistive devices don’t have to be the topic of conversation in order for them to influence conversation. Alicia’s dad opened up to me a lot about his nerve pain, mobility issues, car crashes, etc. We all talked a great deal about Alicia’s two sisters who have substantial disabilities. It happened that their mom had recently bought them both grabbers to use from their wheelchairs. It turned out that one of them already had one, and so didn’t need it. What to do with the extra one? Alicia said that she knew someone who could use it. When pressed to say who: "Well, she’s sitting on the couch next to me". Everyone was happy with this solution. The grabber is nicer than the one I already had, and I’ve often thought it would be more convenient to have two around the house.
One of the sisters had recently told their mom about wanting a romantic relationship with a man. Mom was talking to us about how that didn’t seem likely to happen on account of her disabilities. "How could any man find her attractive?" Well, there are certain things that hit a nerve with me, and this is one of them. I leapt right in to point out that there is no reason why people with disabilities would be found either unlovable or sexually unattractive. I suppose it’s personal. I grew up thinking that I would be unlovable and sexually unattractive, on account of being a hermaphrodite. I have shared this with friends who grew up with disabilities, and found much in common. But it comes from society, not from inside.
No, disability did not dominate the conversation of the day. By far the biggest chunk of time was spent examining family photos.
As we were leaving, Alicia’s mom asked me how long I’d be needing the leg brace. I said "forever". Again, not too much fuss was made.
On the way home Alicia and I exchanged what a good time we’d had during the visit. Among many other things, I said I was very happy with the way things had gone in connection with my leg brace; not too much fuss. Alicia told me it was because of my attitude. I have a problem figuring out how other people see me, so I asked her to elaborate on this. She said that I seem very natural with the leg brace, like it belongs on me. I don’t make a big deal out of it, so other people don’t make a big deal out of it. I don’t appear the slightest bit self-conscious about it. I’m completely comfortable about wearing a leg brace, so that puts others at ease. I’d have to agree with all of that.
I have no reason to talk with the in-laws about BIID. All is well as is. They have no problem with a disabled daughter-in-law.
Tags: Attitude, Crutch, Disability, KAFO, Leg Brace, Wheelchair
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