transabled.org

 

• About
• Login
• Contact
• Accessibility

Google Search:
Web transabled.org Go

 

Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Chloe's Thoughts / Found Out!

Found Out!

Written by Chloe on Saturday, February 6, 2010

There I was, waiting for the intersex support group to begin. The psychotherapist and I were chatting, a vacant chair between us. Someone walked into the meeting room and sat down in that chair. My jaw dropped. I stared. Those feeble little cogs in my brain churned away trying to comprehend the situation.

If you have been living a quadruple life of disability presentation it has to happen sooner or later, doesn’t it? I had expected that the most likely scenario would be meeting someone from work at a ski resort. Not once had it ever occurred to me that it might happen at an intersex meeting. But then, she had never divulged to me that she is intersexed; I had never divulged to her that I am intersexed. She was probably as shocked to see me there as I her.

We all take off our shoes before going into the meeting room. Once our shoes are off and we are in the meeting room, everything said is sacrosanct privileged information. We need to feel safe if we are going to reveal our souls at such a personal level. I take off my leg braces, which are attached to the shoes, before entering the room.

I originally met her on the very first day I ever went out in public wearing leg braces, at a party. We immediately felt very comfortable around each other and got on really well. This was before I was posting on transabled.org; before I had a wheelchair. After some months of pleasant times together we dropped the ball out of consideration for third parties, as things were getting complicated. Now here she was, more than a year later, sitting right next to me.

I was a bit distracted during the meeting. Was I sure that I hadn’t told her about being intersexed? What did she think about me being there? What did she think I thought about her being there? What had I said to her about my leg braces? Did she wonder why I wasn’t wearing them? What was I going to say in the meeting? What was she going to say in the meeting? Why do I fall into the trap of assuming that everybody I meet outside of this context is not a hermaphrodite? Shouldn’t I know better? Was she nervous about her first time at the intersex group? Was it rude of me to give those subtle glances trying to pick up clues about her condition?

We go around in a circle, talking about our stuff, and giving feedback where appropriate. When my turn came I talked about the fabulous time I’d had dancing two weeks earlier. Some folks looked a bit startled until I explained that it was in a wheelchair (since they all know I have BIID). I talked about skiing four days earlier; how wonderful it was that the resulting pain and limping was still making it easier to walk with a leg brace than without it. What was the person next to me making of this? I remembered that I had told her that I could in fact get around without leg braces. I’ve never told anyone that I have complete paraplegia. I had previously told her quite a lot about the actual consequences of the T10 - T12 injury, but never anything about BIID. At the end of the meeting she was going to see me walk out of the room unaided, but the skiing had left me no choice about limping. Then the leg braces would go back on. It all felt quite surreal; too much stuff to process.

And then it was her turn. It is made clear to newcomers that they are under no obligation to say anything at all. It is often the very first time that they have ever disclosed such personal information about themselves. She was nervous, and said she wanted to pass. I have my ways of reversing such decisions. No, not the thumbscrews! One of my few social talents is enabling people to feel emotionally safe.

She talked about the features of her intersex condition, her gender identity and sexual orientation. It feels very good to get things off one’s chest with people who know what you’re talking about, doesn’t it?

The bizarre connections between the two of us go deeper than confidentiality and ethics allow me to disclose. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this. I’ll just say "Yay hermaphroditophiles!"

One can fear a lot of things, including that one’s BIID will be found out. Well, I got found out; not so bad after all. Okay I got lucky with the confidentiality of the situation, as well as things in common that would facilitate understanding. Still… I was found out and my world did not collapse. Instead, I received an extremely warm and loving embrace from the person who found out, as soon as the meeting was over. It was good to see her again.

Tags: BIID, Hermaphrodite, Intersex, Leg Braces, Paraplegia, Wheelchair

Twitter Updates

Follow me on Twitter