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BIID, Symbology and Meaning
Written by Chloe on Monday, December 7, 2009
I have an impulse to find meaning in things, beyond the scientific realities. This does not mean that I ever seek anything that is contrary to a scientific explanation; but there can be additional perspectives.
For me, a rational explanation of BIID based on neuroanatomy, with perhaps some psychological influence, may be complete in of itself; but it is not enough. I yearn for more. I want to find something in it that has meaning for my personal growth.
Various suggestions have been made regarding the symbolic nature of BIID and/or a wheelchair. For example, there is the idea that these things symbolise a desire to be helpless. For myself this is utterly ridiculous. While I admit to a certain dependency on others in the psychological realm, I am not at all like this in the physical realm, except when there is no choice. I have absolutely no desire for paraplegia to increase my physical dependency.
Another suggestion is that we wish to make visible our hidden emotional pain. I might have given this some credence for myself a year ago. I had issues from childhood, issues from being intersexed, issues from past relationships. Depression was an unfriendly companion. BIID was raging out of control. However, my psychological state has improved dramatically; thanks to Prozac, a wheelchair, positive new experiences, and working on my issues. Yet my craving to use a wheelchair has not in any way diminished, nor has the need for paralysis. There would appear to be no relationship between my internal pain and my BIID.
I figured that whatever symbolism may be meaningful to me would reveal itself in its own good time. It did; last week. I came home from a hike in the mountains and took a shower. Before getting dressed and putting on my leg braces in preparation for the intersex meeting, I went naked into the living room to ask Alicia to put a transdermal patch on the back of my left shoulder (for fibromyalgia). She was on the couch watching a Joseph Campbell video. His description of the chakras pertaining to yoga suddenly caught my attention. Everything fell into place in a mere instant.
I should back up a bit. One of the many pleasures shared by Alicia and myself is to explore the metaphors and symbology relating to the mythology of different religions and cultures. Joseph Campbell was a major guru in this field. The seven chakras are symbolic energy centers spaced along the body.
Chakras. Image courtesy Wikipedia.
Joseph Campbell was describing all the chakras, starting with the lowest. As soon as he began talking about the third chakra, it suddenly hit me that paraplegia might cut one off from the first three chakras! These lowest three are sometimes referred to as the "animal" chakras; for example, the second chakra is symbolic of sexual energy. The patch being on, I didn’t stay to hear any more.
The fourth (Anahata) chakra is called the heart chakra, and is symbolic of compassionate energy. I want to keep this one! All sorts of things immediately fit together:
I thought of the comments friends had made to me when I first started using a wheelchair. They said that I seemed nicer, more compassionate. That was the way I felt about myself too. I thought about how the folks on transabled.org seem to be a remarkably compassionate bunch of people. I thought about my desire to be ever more compassionate.
Since my knowledge of anatomy is rudimentary, I asked Sean for his estimate of where the third (Manipura) chakra is located relative to the vertebrae, based on the accompanying diagram. He suggested L3. My impression from people on ta.org is that those of us with paraplegic manifestation of BIID cluster in the region T9 to L2 in terms of where we feel our lesion should be. This would mean a disconnection from all the animal chakras, while clearly leaving the heart chakra and above intact. How interesting that so many of us need the source of our paraplegia to be located between the third and the fourth chakras! Perhaps I should add for clarity that chakras are numbered in the opposite direction from vertebrae. My apologies to those of you with other manifestations; you’ll just have to figure out your own BIID mythology should you wish it!
It is a great joy for me to have found a symbolic link between my BIID and ancient mythology. My paraplegic manifestation of BIID symbolises a rejection of the first three chakras. Paraplegia becomes symbolic of rebirth at the level of the fourth chakra; the level of compassion, love and empathy. I can use BIID as a metaphor in order to improve my compassion. This may sound all very philosophical, but for me it comes down to little practical matters. It is as simple as not getting annoyed when someone opens a door for me. I can look up at them with compassion, recognising their kindness, and their manifestation of divinity.
The context for my afterthought, in the form of a dream, is that twenty five years ago I was seeing a psychotherapist who specialised in chakra based therapy. When she was a little girl, her mother had deliberately poured boiling water on her head. The scars on her scalp and face did nothing to prevent her beauty from shining through.
I had this vivid dream the night after writing the first draft of the post. In the dream I spent a lot of time searching for a key. It was a key that I had never seen before; I had no idea what it looked like; I had no clue where to look for it; and I didn’t know what to do with it when I did find it. I found many keys, and asked friends if it was the right one. The answer was always no. Then I found a key behind a small chest of drawers sitting on a table. It looked very ordinary, but I immediately knew that it was the right one, and I knew what had to be done. I met up with my former psychotherapist and presented the key to her. We looked into each other’s eyes, smiling with joy.
Tags: BIID, Chakra, Compassion, Mythology, Pain, Paralysis, Paraplegia, Symbolism, Wheelchair
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3 Comments
2 On 7 December, 2009, Phil said:
Hi Chloe,
this is very interesting.
I have tried out lots of theories, but this one makes most sense of all. I think it is much more than merely theory, philosophy or mythology.
In working with my therapist I have found all chakras by myself. Okay, I had heard of them before, but not of all of them and didn’t know where they are. In feeling myself in something like meditation I just was able to feel and locate them very well and make a picture of myself with them in different colours.
When doing “energy work” (like Qi Gong) I can feel the “swelling wells” in my feet very vividly. But at the line where my legs are supposed to end (high in my thighs) energy doesn’t flow as freely. This is very near to the 7th chakra, the “sex chakra”. My body is not completely relaxed in this area (I guess most people aren’t – just look at them walking).
And that is where I want to bring in another aspect. Legs and the lower parts of the body are not only there to be moved, but they are also a organ of perception.
Yesterday in the evening I was so depressed that I fantasised around, and the story I “wrote” got more and more extreme. And it was hot, it was fascinating, although I would rather fear being as disabled as I was in my daydream. (It went far beyond being a DAK amputee…)
Afterwards I suddenly thought: Maybe I just don’t want to feel all of myself. All of my chakras, all of my body, all of my wishes. Particularly the “lower man”, which you describe as the animal.
I am too nice and compassionate, maybe. (But I know people with BIID who are not nice and compassionate…)
So I tend to think that what I want off is things I don’t want (or never was allowed) to FEEL: my own desires, wishes, lust, greed – myself. Because I have learnt too well to fulfil the wishes of others, concentrate on their expectations, and ignore the signals from my body (when I am tired or want to be alone or …).
But here I halt: I also don’t want to feel the line all the time, the stumps hidden in my thighs.
So are they are symbol, are they a sign for suppressed or forbidden perception and/or energies, or is it just my body as it is meant to be which I don’t want or dare to feel?
By the way, there are also people who desire an arm amputation or blindness. Which chakras would be meant in these cases?
Another thought: Are legs that one can neither feel nor move symbolic of the dissolution of the boundary between self and not self?
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1 On 7 December, 2009, Kata said:
thank you chloé! it is good to see, that i am not the only one trying to find links or other symbols for my paraplegic manifestation of BIID..I am about to finish my shiatsu studies! the chakra-theory relates a lot to the chinese meridian system and its special energy points on these so called meridians. but now: i found out the same as you did chloé, i obviously am rejecting the lower energy centers of my body as well – makes sense, but..I do not have any answer for the WHY should I do so ( I learned through your posts that you do)!?! So compared to your story, this symbolic link to our para-manisfestation BIID is nice, but not an answer either…