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Accepting Gifts
Written by Chloe on Friday, July 31, 2009
Sometimes I receive gifts from the universe. The latest gift was a car crash. How am I going to use this gift? For starters, it means that I will never need to drive a stick shift again. So I will never need to use my left leg for driving again. So there is no reason not to have a fixed ankle on my left leg brace.
Day 4
I’m counting days from the car crash. Today I felt sufficiently okay to drive in to work. The biggest problem was steering, because my left arm was so painful.
Another aspect of my gift is that I had some real, though temporary, paralysis of my lower left extremity as a result of the accident. How interesting that this is in synchrony with a wrecked stick shift!
I don’t like telling lies. However, if I can say something that is literally truthful, and let the listener do their own exaggeration, I feel a bit better about it. What I can now say is that the car crash resulted in some paralysis of the lower left leg. I’ll just leave out the part about it only lasting a few hours. This fits in brilliantly with getting a fixed ankle on my leg brace!
Today (I decided to write this in real time as things happened) at work I am using both a left leg brace AND a right crutch. Besides that, I look a little beaten up. There are visible cuts and bruises on my arms and face from the crash. In addition my left wrist is taped to help deal with the fibromyalgia triggered by the crash. Also, I expect that the pain from the concussion headache and my left arm is perceivable on my face.
People did ask what happened, but nobody commented explicitly on the crutch/leg brace combination. So far so good!
Today I also made an appointment with the orthotist for next week. I am really excited about getting the fixed ankle!
Day 10
Since I am bringing in my left leg brace to the orthotist today, I am not wearing it at work. I can’t just use a single crutch, because my left leg is now supposed to be mostly paralysed. I can’t use two crutches because the post crash state of my left shoulder still won’t allow it. That leaves the wheelchair as my only mobility option. So, here I am at work, sitting in my wheelchair as I type.
The parking here is outdoors, on three levels since the terrain is sloping. The lowest level, close to the hospital entrance is reserved for visitors, and disability parking. I normally park on the upper levels. However, I know very well that the state of my shoulder will not allow me to wheel back up to those levels after work. The irony is that I can legally park in a disability spot, but as an employee I would be ticketed in an adjacent non-disability spot. It turned out to be okay. There are five disability spaces, and only one in use when I arrived at work.
The worst part physically was opening the doors at the entrance. That was pretty tough on my shoulder.
My office happens to be the very furthest away from the entrance, in the opposite corner of the building. I had only one interaction on my way. She said "Wow, you’re just zipping along". I hadn’t thought about how fast I wheel before. But I guess I do go faster than most wheelchair users I’ve seen.
I tried the restroom before going to lunch. Same problem with the door. Ouch!
Everything at the cafeteria was pretty well accessible. Inevitably there were a few little chats. "Car accident" seems to explain everything without need for further elaboration. How extraordinarily convenient! The nicest interaction was being asked by one of the nursing staff if I needed help reaching the knives. She made no comment at all about me being in a wheelchair, even though she’s known me for years. That seemed really sensitive. I don’t want there to be a fuss about me being in a wheelchair.
I’m liking this a bit too much. I wasn’t planning on wheeling at work for another year or so. This is supposed to be just for a few days while my leg brace gets reconfigured. Sean, you were right (as usual): I can’t help but think about making this permanent.
Next up is the hospital safety committee meeting this afternoon. I was thinking I’d be nervous about this. I meet with the other committee members once every two months. The nervousness has already gone away though. Once you dive in, you just do it.
I’m back from the committee meeting. The first comment was "What are you doing?" (He was obviously referring to the wheelchair). I replied "What are YOU doing?" He said "Eating ice cream" (which he was). Anyway, the car crash excuse is working REALLY well for why I’m in a wheelchair. People aren’t pressing for details. Cool!
Now I’m off to the orthotist to see about getting that ankle fixed. There’s also a couple of other minor problems with the left leg brace. I’ll see what he can do about those too.
On the way out from work I noticed that there was still only one other person besides myself in the disability parking spaces. This is a good sign.
The orthotist visit was fabulous. We discussed about getting the left ankle completely rigid. He said that his experience was that it’s better to get both ankles completely rigid in that case. Instead he recommended that I have it semi-fixed such that I have zero dorsiflexion and six degrees of plantar flexion with a heavy return spring. I agreed to this.
There were some other little problems I pointed out to him. The screw that forms the hinge of the bail lock on the left side kept coming loose. The upper knee pad straps were wearing through where they bend around the metal. Is anybody else having this problem? (Later in the day, my friend with more than 50 years of leg brace wearing experience e-mailed to say this is indeed common). The orthotist also suggested tightening the bail lock spring. He was able to fix all this stuff while I waited; about 90 minutes. Excellent!
Now I’m home, and I have a decision to make. I have the opportunity to start full time wheeling at work now. And I mean NOW! I can’t put this off for a day. It’s now, or I have to wait for who knows how long. I have the perfect excuse. When will another opportunity like this present itself? I had a major car crash. People at work are buying that I’m using a wheelchair because of the car crash. (Indeed I would not have wheeled at work today were it not for the crash!) Take the ball and run with it, Chloe! The answer is YES!!!
It’s interesting to write a post like this in real time. What a sudden psychological shift!
I told Alicia that I’m going to be wheeling at work full time from now on. She was pleased. She knows it will be good for me.
Day 11
I got out of bed at 5:30 this morning, too excited to sleep any longer. A day makes a difference.
Trying on the newly configured left KAFO was interesting. I practiced walking around, and was surprised how it felt. I had been expecting it to be more difficult with the semi-fixed ankle. I sure got that one wrong! It is definitely easier than before. The engineering is ingenious. The ankle flexes appropriately for walking but seems to require zero muscle power. It’s all taken care of by the combination of one’s weight and the return spring. Amazing! It makes me wonder why anyone would need a completely rigid ankle. I don’t know.
Coming in to work this morning just felt totally normal, even though this is a new presentation: wheelchair plus left KAFO. I’m off to the cafeteria for lunch now. We’ll see if anybody notices that I’ve added the leg brace since yesterday…
No, nobody seemed to notice the leg brace. The only comment today was when I was conversing with two people. One said to the other "Did she tell you about her car crash? That’s why she’s in a wheelchair." Gosh, this is easy! Apparently all I have to do is describe what I know about the car crash, and it is then perfectly reasonable that I’m in a wheelchair.
I have to share with you the e-mail that Sean sent me just before my first day of wheeling at work (yesterday). He said "I’m sure it’ll go well at work in the chair. So much so that the "temporarily" will quickly turn into permanently. You’ll be wanting to use it more and more." Yes, O wise sage. You know all. It is permanent.
Day 12
My best friend invited me over to her house for lunch today. As I was headed out from work, someone asked me "Are you doing okay?" I said "Not really. I had a car accident twelve days ago." He said "How long are you going to be in a wheelchair?" I said "I don’t know." I didn’t even have to say that I was in a wheelchair because of the accident. It was assumed. "I don’t know" seems like a good answer too. It can substitute for "forever".
By far the worst thing about wheeling at work is the intense pain in my shoulder while opening the doors at the entrance. I need to figure out a better way.
Lunch was yummy. My best friend’s boyfriend suggested he could help me build a really big mousetrap. I thought that Blue Shropshire would be the best bait. I find it irresistible.
On returning from lunch I decided to try opening the left doors, with my left hand. It seemed completely counterintuitive, but in fact it was a lot less painful. That was a big relief!
At the end of the day, the end of the week, I wheeled out from my office through the endless carpeted corridors. Despite the pain, a huge smile broke out on my face. I did it! Now I am someone who uses a wheelchair at work.
Tags: Crash, Crutch, KAFO, Leg Brace, Orthotist, Pain, Paralysis, Wheelchair, Work
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5 Comments
2 On 1 August, 2009, Your Name said:
What if you meet a colleague during one of your hiking tours?
Hiking and wheelchair?
Will you use a wheelchair for shopping and all this, too?
@Your Name. It is rare for me to see people while hiking. I am usually off trail, headed for seldom visited peaks. It is much more likely that I will meet a colleague while skiing. In that eventuality I will explain about BIID.
I’ve been using a wheelchair for most non-work stuff for almost a year, so shopping and such is normal for me.
It’s funny how these gifts from the universe can come in handy.
I was having my taxes done at the H&R Block office this morning. One of the people at the front desk happened to be the Person (P) who had done my taxes in 2008. Here is how the conversation went:
P: Didn’t I do your taxes a few years ago?
C: Yes, that’s right. I remember you.
P: You weren’t in a wheelchair then.
C: Yeah, that’s true.
P: Were you in a car accident?
C: Yes. I wrecked my car in a double roll over in July 2009.
P: Is it permanent?
C: Yes.
P: I’m sorry.
C: Oh, it’s okay.
All questions were answered honestly; no further explanations needed. Thank you universe!
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1 On 31 July, 2009, Sophie said:
Well done Chloe :) BIID wise it’ll be a huge strain off you.
I know from personal experience if something means enough to you you’ll simply figure a way around it with your other disabilities like your fibromalygia.