Touch is odd for me – I crave physical affection (don’t get a lot as a rule – probably my fault) and yet I can’t bear drawing attention to myself physically and therefore I am not good at showing physical affection to others – it doesn’t feel natural. That is most likely tied up with the BIID feelings too.

I’m experiencing similar confusion and distress since I came out on this site, but I feel much less lonely. I’ve been strapping my hand and wrist very tightly a lot lately, hoping to cause some damage… got a lot of pain, and, quite oddly, this felt good… but the hand’s still there and still works :(

I also spend a lot of time on the internet looking at everything around upper limb amputation. Just like you, this leaves me desperate, but I can’t help going back ever and ever again!

I saw my GP and asked him to put me on anti-depressant medication. Just started to take the pills 2 days ago, so, no noticeable effect yet. I’m quitting the booze too. New year, new decisions!

Thank you for your post.

Indeed I did not expect BIID to take over my life so intensely. Once the genie is out of the bottle there seems to be no way of stuffing it back in. I agree with both Ada and Claire about wheeling outside. It helps me a great deal; but there seems to be no end to it. I always want more.

I have done that kind of finger strapping, even though it’s not really part of my BIID. Somehow it feels good anyway.

I also have self esteem issues relating to my appearance. For me it is focused on my nose. It is far too big, and it is also crooked from having been broken.

Regarding being touched, it seems I have the opposite issue. I am very needy about it, and seek out people who will touch me a lot. I even like my legs being touched.

At any rate we are all here for you, Cath. Thank you so much for sharing these things.

It gets easier but there are ups and downs always. Honestly, it will probably get worse if you start using that chair out of the house. :o(

I find for me, bad BIID days are balanced with good days. And wheeling outside really helps me:) More than at home, and even if nobody sees me. There is always a risk and it’s a gamble in my neighborhood, but one I’ve been willing to make.

Perhaps you can go somewhere out of your neighborhood but close to home?

BIID will always be there, but hopefully you will find treatments that help you.

I’ll offer what I was told: hang in there, it gets easier:) And it does.