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Into The Big Wide World…
Written by justann on Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Next weekend is going to be a big occasion for me: my first time wheeling in public. My wonderful fiance, Ned, and I, are renting a beautiful little accessible cottage, and I’m going to spend the whole weekend on wheels.
As some of you might recall, I told Ned about being transabled just before I started posting here – I didn’t feel comfortable sharing things with the internet which I didn’t share with him. I told you half of his response – which was to be brilliantly supportive.
I wasn’t sure whether I was allowed to share the second half, but now I’ve checked and I am. In a way he was relieved about me ‘coming out’, because it gave him a good opportunity to come out to me. He likes dressing in women’s clothes. I hope it goes without saying that I was supportive of him too. To be honest it doesn’t bother me one way or the other. I’m a bit gender blind I think: I can’t understand why some people are repulsed by men wearing clothes more normally worn by women, though neither can I understand why some people are particularly attracted to it.
So while next weekend will be a wheeling weekend for me, it will be a cross-dressing weekend for him.
Cross-dressing isn’t something he does in public, which is understandable, because he is a bit too big to ‘pass’ as a woman easily, so he’d get lots of flak for it. But I’m looking forward to the times when we’re in the cottage and can draw the curtains, and just do normal stuff with him in a gorgeous dress and me in my beautiful wheelchair.
And we can go out shopping for Ned-sized girlclothes, which I’m looking forward to a lot. It makes me happy to help him find lovely things to wear, and it makes me feel loved to know he trusts me with a part of his personality that he feels really shy about (he’s only told on other person, I think). And he’s told me he feels somewhat the same about the transabled thing.
Anyway. Any advice for a first-timer wheeling out in the wide world?
Tags: BIID, Cross-Dressing, Partner, Wheelchair
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4 Comments
Hi Ann,
that’s such good news! I am so happy for both of you.
First time wheeling: let your man be a gentleman and don’t try to conquer doors in public. It takes some practice.
Decide what purse to wear, something you can put behind, on your back rest. A little backpack works well too.
Wear mountain bike gloves. You will look natural, have a better grip, trust me, it can hurt without them.
Don’t try to do anything silly. If you do a wheelie, make sure you are good at it. Jumping curbs can be very tricky.
Don’t worry about a wheeling technique, everybody has a different one.
If people ask you about your chair, just have a quick vague answer ready. No need for a story. You are fine, you just need to use it sometimes. Something like that. Whatever makes sense to you.
You might have a silly grin on your face at the beginning. Just enjoy the moment!
3 On 23 February, 2010, Sophie said:
The first full day in a wheelchair is your chance to learn what your best technique etc is. Your hands may well hurt like mine did but you’ll learn ways to prevent that for next time.
Best advice I can offer is don’t worry about what others are thinking about you because most don’t really want to know why your in a wheelchair in the first place.
Thanks for the advice – particularly about gloves. I knew they were a good idea, but had completely forgotten.
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1 On 23 February, 2010, Chloe said:
I am SO excited for you both that you are able to share these things with each other and have such great mutual support. It is a wonderful thing to have those comfort levels in a relationship.
I have four cross-dressing (IRL) friends, two male and two female. None of them “passes” very well, but they don’t seem to be bothered by going out in public anyway. It certainly doesn’t bother me to be seen with them, though I find it annoying when they occasionally get laughed at for something so innocuous. Kudos to Ned for allowing you to share about him here and for being supportive of you. Kudos to you for being supportive of Ned.
As for advice about wheeling: just enjoy being yourself. There’s no need to worry about anything anybody else might think of you.
Wishing you both a fabulous weekend,
~ Chloe