transabled.org

Sounds like you handled everything brilliantly, Ada! All your options are open. I think if I was in your position I’d be limping a bit when I wasn’t using an assistive device.

“Among other things” is a nice little phrase.

Congratulations. When’s the housewarming?

I join Brice to congratulate! What you do is probably the best way to go about it. They don’t have to know why you use a crutch at times, a wheelchair at other times, and your legs the rest of the time… they might think things in themselves, but as long as you are authentic in what you do, what the heck could anyone say about it? I wish you a lot of happiness in this new setting :)

@ Brice & Tom
Thanks for the congratulations! I WISH I could have a housewarming for all my transabled pals, but boo hoo, that’s not going to happen :(

Ada this was an agonizing process for me, trying to reconcile walking with wheeling. However, I’ve found that most people can accept that you have some condition that requires walking aids at times and not others. It helps to say that you need them “for long distances”, that seems to make a lot of sense for people.

@ Claire: one problem for me is that my life does not support the “long distances” only kind of usage :( Or rather I can’t limit myself and my options using that rationale.

Hopefully people will just begin to know me and see me and get used to me, without requiring a lot of detailed explanation. I certainly don’t have a problem using a “Mind your own business” comment in a funny manner :)

Ada, your current plan of ‘good days and bad days’ seems like a good one to give you the flexibility to do what you need when you need. I wish you the best of luck settling into your new place and your opportunity to live as you wish.

Just do what I do, and I know so many people think I am crazy because I use my chair at places one minute, and then the next I might even just get up from it and start hitting on some ductwork with a hammer and climbing all over it even….

Just tell them that you need to take it easy when you can…

-Wheelman

That approach is quite wrong, I think. One of the things we’re accused of is to give the wrong perception of people with disabilities. While nobody has the same condition and there’s a wide variety, using a wheelchair, then jumping out of it to fix ductwork, then back in the chair is just *wrong*.

Hi Sean, why is it wrong? Do you really mean wrong?

If anything, it can be more or less appropriate – but “wrong” means that somebody can define what is “right”, and I would think that BIID teaches me that there is no “right” or “wrong”…

Does Wheelman1912 tell everybody that it is BIID why he uses the wheelchair? Or does he only use the wheelchair without giving a reason (that’s what I would have presumed)?

Is there a wrong perception? There’s a man who uses a wheelchair. He can jump up and do something and afterwards he uses the wheelchair again. I find him courageous, and I would really want to know what people think who watch him doing that.

Wheelman, how do people react? What do you tell them – if anything?

Your right on a lot of things there Phil. I normally don’t tell people much of anything when they ask “Why are you using a wheelchair” I tell them exactly, “Well, I just use it when I can to take things easy” or I try to not say a whole lot. When I am forced to give a reason I tell them a part truth, part lie, “I have scoliosis.”

Most people I have come in contact with just don’t really say or do much of anything…they might look at me and smile because they are thinking, “This guy doesn’t let things keep him down.” or something to that extent. When people have come up to me and say things like, “I am so glad that you can get up and such.” I quickly down play all that and tell them, “well, I do what I can, but I actually feel a lot better and more comfortable in my chair so.” I do find that a lot of people are much more interested and approach me and talk to me more when I am in my chair and when I am not because I alternate between the two and they see me willing and hard at work when need be.

As for the disabled community…I am sure we all know folks who are paras who before their accidents were tinkers and afterwards tried their best to continue to be and will jump out of their chairs onto the floor and tinker with things and jump around the room to work of different things that they can get their hands on and then jump right back into their chairs. Sure some do get upset, but I have found that those are the ones that instead of making the most of life and looking past their disability, they continue to sit and mope and say “I can’t” instead of trying.

I see myself like one of those disabled happy active people who participate in sports, are socially active, tinkers, pranksters, and a go getter…like the guys you see in the paralympics and such. These people have over come the “I can’t” stage and are now flourishing and they do whatever they want and they don’t care about the “rules” they defy them and get out of their chairs and do whatever they want…they are truly disabled proud and free. In most cercumstances, these people have even openly said, I am a completely different person now than I was before my accident and being in a wheelchair has made me a better more social more happy person and I in a way, I am glad for it.

@Sean, you are making the assumption that all wheelchair users should present the way you think you should.

@Brice, no, I’m not making that assumption at all. I’ve been around enough wheelchair users to know that people present all kind of ways. *All* kind of ways. But having been around that many people, I have also never seen someone jump in and out of their wheelchair when it was convenient, do physical work, get back in the chair.

I’m struggling with what I think on this issue.

Wheelman, when you say you jump out of your chair and do manual work, do you mean that you get on the floor as you can work better from there than your chair? Or do you mean you get onto your feet and walk/climb like an AB before getting back in your chair?

If it’s the second then I really think that you could damage the way people who see you think of ‘people with disabilities who use wheelchairs’. If you give the impression that the wheelchair is a ‘toy’ used only when you feel like it and that you can get up whenever you like that’s not going to be helpful.

Unless that aspect of him has changed drastically over the last month or so Andy is not Transabled and he doesn’t suffer from BIID. He’s a pretender, hope that clears things in in regards to his motivation, explanations, and attitude to people.

A man who does what he likes can’t damage the way how other people see another group of people.

This would mean assuming that people only think in stereotypes.

I think we should try to overcome all kinds of stereotypes (or types at all). There’s a man who uses a wheelchair, but not all the time. So what?

My congratulations for that courage.

I thought it would be good to move this from this site to a more appropiate place where it can be decussed in a forum atmosphere so it is now on http://www.ahiruzone.com under the pretenders section. or at least it will be as soon as I finish posting the first post there and respond to all of you.

-Wheelman

“Unless that aspect of him has changed drastically over the last month or so Andy is not Transabled and he doesn’t suffer from BIID. He’s a pretender, hope that clears things in in regards to his motivation, explanations, and attitude to people.”

Another thing to clear up… Andy does not speak for any of the disabled community. He has not changed in the last 6 months, and some of his views on disabilities are offensive.

I don’t recall ever trying to or claiming to speak for the disabled community…I refrenced them a few times and spoke about them on a overall scope…but never did I try and make a claim that the disabled community feels this way or that…or tried to put words in their mouth.

As for me not changing in the past 6 months…I havn’t spoken to you in about 2 months now I think…and before then it was very little…so honestly…I don’t feel that you can judge having not been around me or having talked with me to any good deal now for the past 4+ months.

All of this is coming from a previous disabled lover of mine…we had a good times, but they ended very poorly. So take what is being said here with a grain of salt.

Amanda, I am sorry that you feel “offended” by me now, as you say, for me being who I am and doing what I do. However, my honest feeling…this is your choice…We live a long distance away from each other and if you don’t like me or what I do…then don’t read it…simple as that.

I’ve been out cutting the lawn…again talking to myself and Sir John. Then I remembered something else that I think is important for me to add here…I even said myself, no I have not changed over the past *month* in the aspect that Sophie spoke about in her original post that you quoted. You yourself are the one who came up with the *six* months thing.

I would respectfully request that this argument be stopped or taken off site. It is a personal fight that has no place here. Further discussion on this will be deleted. Thank you.

I personally agree completely and apologize to all of the members here.

Regardless of how I may feel about the poster, the following lines in this post was what I found offensive:

“Sure some do get upset, but I have found that those are the ones that instead of making the most of life and looking past their disability, they continue to sit and mope and say “I can’t” instead of trying.”

I agree, there are some physically disabled people who do mope but they have every right to. Living the life of a physically disabled person is one of the hardest challenges any person could face. We get stared at, made fun of, overlooked for jobs due to productivity levels, made to feel like half a person due to the media’s expectations of the “perfect” body, etc. I understand why people mope and say “I can’t.” Society has reinforced people’s thinking.

On the contrary, I have met numerous disabled people who took charge of their lives. They attended college, excelled in interpersonal relationships, and gave me layers of inspiration to live better.

On my trip to see Andy, I met a Paralympian. He struck up a conversation and showed me his tattoo. He had so much life. Here was a war vet (35) who had lost his “life” and had to begin anew as a physically disabled person. Instead of being bitter, he had renewed energy and a passion for teaching others about keeping physically fit.

I am glad I did had a grieving period for my disability… That period allowed me to express my anger, frustration, and sadness… It also taught me to stand up and want to make a change about people’s perceptions of people with physical disabilities.

There are stages a person with a physical disability goes through. Some never learn how to adjust to their lives while others can function 100% in society while possibly suffering in silence. It’s not easy to cross over from one fence of society to another…. and there will always be that lingering question of, “What would my life had been like had I not been struck with an illness?”

Ok, having said what you have said here…how are you saying that I am wrong in what I have said because it sounds to me that your backing up and defending the point that I was trying to make when I said the section that you quoted.

I never said that disabled people didn’t have a “right” to mope and to not try to live a more independent, empowering life…all that I said was that I found that people who get upset at me for the way I use my wheelchair are usually the ones who let their disability make them a prisoner and they choose (as they have a right too) let it keep them down instead of trying to be as independent as they can be.

I do disagree with you on one point…I think the Media does a very good job in their coverage of most disabled people because they constantly show people who have done the unexpected and have overcome their disability and achieved in life…they put the spot light on them so that others can see what they have done and let it inspire them; just as this Paralympian has inspired you.

I am not trying to put down disabled people…they have every right in how they live their lives just as we have every right to live ours…we are all free different people in this world. All I was trying to do is to point out the ones who get upset vs the ones who don’t. Ok…yes I might have been kind of cheered on the ones who have become independent…yes…but that doesn’t mean that I feel that the ones who choose not to are wimps, loosers, or weak. There are a lot of things that cause different people to become just like disabled people and unwilling to have the zest for life and to try to live to the fullist of life’s potential…depression is one of them…there are others…many common everyday things that a lot of us feel everyday. Is it wrong for us to cheer on or to promote and be proud of the ones who do overcome those obstacles in their way and become full of energy in their lives?

The media is doing a particularly *bad* job of representing people with disabilities. This is notorious and a lot of research has been done on it. I won’t get into a “I think/you think” argument about it, if you don’t believe, look it up.

@Wheelman, you may not realise it, but you come across as very patronising and arrogant. You sometimes make good points, but the way you write them down makes people unlikely to pay much attention. This is not criticism of you, merely pointing out that if you took more care in how you phrase your points, you would be more effective in communicating your thoughts.

I think that what we need to keep sight of is that people with a disability have the same sets of personality traits as everyone else – some positive, some negative. Becoming disabled is a massive challenge for anyone. How they deal with it ultimately depends on the sort of person they were to begin with -same as when someone goes through any major life event – it can be turned into a positive or a negative and the way it is handled depends on the individual.
Now the media falls down on trying to portray PWD as heroes when they are just trying to go about life like everyone else. Stories of disabled people achieving the ‘impossible’ put massive pressure on other disabled folk, if they let them, to somehow ‘measure up’. So PWD are then subjected to the sorts of expectations that are analogous to the pressure on women regarding body image etc etc. That is a dangerous path as we all know.

Very well put, Cath.

@Sean: you have said such about how I present myself and make points before and in the past I kind of took it offensively. Now that I have discovered my diagnosis of AS and have studied it’s trates it all makes since now. People with AS have communication and social problems. We understand language figuratively and literally, concepts such as humor, or criticism are hard to understand and usually people AS don’t get it all at. To us, it is not how things are said…it’s what is said…the actual word definitions and how they are used.

People with AS Have a hard time talking with others because they only see things from the context of themselves and their own life. They have a hard time making metaphors that others understand or understanding another person’s point of view.

It is common for people with AS to come off sounding arrogant or uncaring about others or as hard headed. It is not that I feel as though I am better than other people or that I don’t care about other people…this is just the way I talk and how language works and relates to my life. I don’t mean to put people down or to sound better than other people.

I try hard to communicate with others and to be as friendly as I can be and to not sound…angry or strongly opinionated as I once used too…I think I have made progress, but it is no easy task.

@Cath: Very good point in deed and one that I was trying to make, glad you pointed it out.

@Wheelman. Thank you for making yourself vulnerable about your AS. I really do understand that it is not always easy to communicate things exactly as one might have wished. I have often kicked myself for the way I have said things to people, realising later that it sounded much less caring than I actually felt.

I don’t believe I have AS (though my partner, and some other friends think I do). I think I have an overlap with the ensemble of symtoms due to a combination of OCD and social anxiety disorder.

Nevertheless, I do know how much hard work it takes to acquire the skills to allow social communication to proceed smoothly. Good for you for admitting to the issue and for working on it.

I am definitely still a work in progress in this regard; a lot of room for improvement yet. I am fortunate to have friends who will point things out, who I completely trust. The most common problem that comes up for me is when I misunderstand my partner because I am only seeing the literal meaning of the words she is using.

I wish you the best with this. I know that it is difficult.

Thank you Chloe, and I am right there with you…I have a lot of problem talking to people in every day life (coworkers, friends, etc…) because I always misunderstand them and can’t see there points or understand their feelings or arguments.