transabled.org

At the moment, I’m in one of my longest BIID-free periods.
Haven’t done any pretending in about half a year.
So far, it has always come back eventually. Still, sometimes I also think I’m cured. Why not?

Ada it’s normal to have periods where BIID slacks off. Take advantage of them and enjoy them. :o)

There is probably a plausible explanation you could think of why sometimes you use the chair and sometimes not. Have you thought of one?

One of the MAJOR disadvantages of going “full time” is that you’re still locked into wheeling when sometimes you’d like to walk, or hike, or ski…

Ada it’s normal to have periods where BIID slacks off. Take advantage of them and enjoy them. :o)
***
I was wondering about that. That totally happens to me, too. There will be times I’m perfectly content with running around like a maniac and I’ll be like, wait what’s going on? o-o

Tora, just take it as it is and be grateful for it. I got a wheelchair at age 36. There’s no hurry. Enjoy being an AB…it **is** a good thing. :o)

Quote “If I *really* was transabled, or *really* had BIID, I’d not be able to go a day or more without using the chair”

Nope. There’s no correlation between biid intensity and wheelchair use whatsoever. The last time i was out pretending was at least two years ago, probably even longer. Yet the level of desire to be a para is just as prevalent as it’s always been.

Quote “If I really had this condition I’d have told more people, and presented myself more already.”

Nope. Utterly irrelevant how many folk you’ve told or presented to. That’s more of an indication of your personality and circumstances.

Quote “I’m willing to use BIID as an excuse for my previous actions”

Now that’s the key sentence in the entire post. And something you might want to start looking into in more depth. It’s a really important aspect that i think many overlook. Finding out the answer will steer you in the right direction towards keeping this thing in check.

Quote “I’ll leave it up to the rest of you to determine if I’m delusional”

No, i don’t think you’re delusional. You’re just looking for answers like the rest of us.

I don’t want to hijack your thread here, but have a read of this next bit, see what you make of it. It kinda explains where i am with this thing these days:-

I have regular dreams in which i’m out pretending. I quite often meet up with other wheelers, and we just, hang out, but i never really know if they are real users or pretenders (presenters). Nontheless i never feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed, and i’m never afraid of being outed, and i never tell anyone i have biid. It’s just really cool. Yet, it’s always always frustration. And when i wake up, i’m always always left a bit deflated and unsatisfied.
But
Every now and then i have a dream in which the paralysis is real. And it does feel so real, completely and permanently paralysed from my navel down. And it’s great, i love these dreams. But, when i’ve had one of these, there’s never ever a wheelchair in it. No braces, no crutches, no mobility aids at all. And, when i wake up, i always always feel a million dollars, absolutely bleedin fan-bloody-tastic, and i always have a great day to follow.

So, what does that say about wheelchair use and pretending, compared to the desires for the paralysis to be real ?

If you were born 100yrs ago, and the only wheelchairs available where those old rickety wooden bathchairs, and the medical knowledge was rather limited. Would you still want to be a para. What about if you were born 2,000yrs ago when wheelchairs didn’t even exist, and there was essentially no such thing as the medical profession ?
Now go do some research and find out every single aspect of living with a spinal cord injury. All the medical, social and personal implications. Find out how much your life would change if it were real, all the risks, all the dangers, and all the physical complications that could result from having a spinal cord injury.
Then ask yourself this question. If you had a pill that gauranteed you’d get exactly the level of disabilty you seek. Would you take it ?

Answering questions like that will help you understand the basis of biid within yourself at a much greater depth. And then the next step towards living with it should become a little clearer.

Confrontational post, perhaps. A valid question, definitely. But you’re an intelligent woman Ada. And i think you’re mature enough to not track me down and throw bricks trough my windows.

I suspect there’s not a person here who hasn’t had the same experiences as you Ada. I know I have;)
And as to your last question, Will, I haven’t spoken to anyone here who wouldn’t say yes to it in a second. I have often wondered how my BIID would present if I had been born before people with SCI had a hope of survival. The answer is that I would still not want to feel or move my legs, body or hands. This was true long before I knew was paralysis was. It is just that tetraplegia at C7 more or less covers what I need. I’ll gladly accept the loss of bladder and bowel function, the autonomic dysreflexia and the spasms if that’s what it takes. Yes and the pain too.

Regarding Will’s little pill. I’ve thought it through ad nauseam, and the answer is always yes yes yes. It doesn’t take a millisecond of further thought.

@Tora the younger you are, the more of those times you’ll have. ENJOY THEM :)

@Will, good point on understanding *exactly* all medical, social and personal implications of Paraplegia. I think that a LOT of people here have a good idea. I do believe I know as much as is humanly possible to know without being a para. I would take that pill, without a second thought.

I would think about it for a bit, then take the pill. But that’s not really unusual for me since I tend to think about everything way too much. ^^

Cured? No, I don’t think we have that yet. In the past, I went for long periods without simulating, a good part of year. There were times as a child or teenager that were several years, if I recall correctly. In the past few months I’ve cut down and often wondered if I was in fact cured or phasing out of it. What I find now is that the curiousity is waning, I have found an effective way to simulate and I get the feeling I need to experience quite well about once per week, despite the fact that I have alot more time on my hands these days. I chalk it up to experience, maturity, and relying on the fact that in my own judgement I know what I am doing now.

I think for some people a spontaneous cure does happen. I had BIID symptoms as a child and teenager but got over it when I was 20 and a freshman in college. Now I’m in my 30′s and it just never came back. But it was really, really strong when I was in my late preteens and when I was eighteen and nineteen.

Then it just went away

@ Will: I’m not much of a brick-thrower, so you are quite safe indeed :)

Fact is, if I’d lived 100 years ago, I imagine I’d have been a victim of Jack the Ripper.

If I’d lived 2000 years ago, I’d have been stoned to death long before reaching the age of 10.

I understand, at least intellectually, the ramifications of becoming a para, and I’d take the pill in a heartbeat.

@ Claire: It’s a silly notion indeed that an AB would have to go on a “pretending” trip to walk :) No sillier than anything else about BIID though.

Quote “Fact is, if I’d lived 100 years ago, I imagine I’d have been a victim of Jack the Ripper.

If I’d lived 2000 years ago, I’d have been stoned to death long before reaching the age of 10″.

My word Ada, what are you saying about yourself LOL :)

@ Will: Not really saying much about myself, other than as a permanatly single gal, and being somewhat high spirited, my destiny might have been quite different had I lived during a different time :)

@ Grace:

Your BIID is really gone? This is SO interesting. Would you be willing to talk with me about it?

Is there anything of which you can think that might have influenced your BIID so that it went away?

I had some relatively BIID free years when other aspects of my life were dominant, it was during the years when I discovered the gay world. But then it came back, surprisingly and hit me hard.

And now I often think that IF I “only” could find back the state of mind, the inner freedom, my own life or whatever, BIID would go away again. But I don’t really believe it anymore.

Please tell us more about your experience. Thank you.

@Ada, but you did know Jack the Ripper only murdered prostitutes, and only evil heathen sinners and failed American Idol contestants were stoned to death back in the day ?

@ Will – yes, I know. :)

Phil,

I have no idea what made it go away. I was starting college and certainly other aspects of life were front and center.

Only it never came back. I have no idea why. I might have been leaving the environment where it developed, but then there were periods where I went back into that environment for several months and never had any hints of BIID.

Yesterday, I was talking politics to a man in a wheelchair and it didn’t even cross my mind until hours after the conversation that I once had the inclination to be in wheelchair myself. As a child I could never have so much as looked at a person in a wheelchair without thinking of it. Now things are just different.

I’m not sure about everyone else, but to me it seams that would be quiet depressing…My wheelchair and braces are pritty much part of my life if not the core of it…so much has been based on them and for the feelings to just go away…it would be like a major part of my life just vanished leaving me feeling very empty and alone inside.

-Wheelman

@wheelman that’s what i thought too. i don’t know what i’d be like if i wasn’t transabled. i’d probably be a completely different person. i don’t really *want* it to go away, i just want to be paraplegic.

If I had a choice between getting rid of the BIID or becoming paralyzed, I would choose getting rid of the BIID. When I think honestly about motivations though, the only reason I would choose that route is because I am either worried about the effect it has on other people, or because of irrational shame and guilt I feel. If I were the only person in the world allowed to be affected by my decision, I think I would choose surgery. The question in that case is, am I an otherwise rational person who has the right to choose for herself, or would that decision the product of a mental illness which renders me unfit to choose. Who has the right to judge which case is the truth? I hope the fact that I can think about it in this manner means that *I* have that right.

@Grace Was your BIID very similar to what you’ve heard described here and in other places – was there anything unusual compared to the stories of others? Could you sit in a wheelchair and not feel a reaction now? How do you think you would feel if by accident you got the impairment you wanted before – do you think your reaction would be different than the average person’s? I do find this report extremely encouraging, but at the same time when the feelings are so strong it is hard to imagine them spontaneously disappearing!

So, Grace, if you don’t have BIID anymore, why are you hanging around here? Just curious

Sean,

I watched the movie “Quid Pro Quo” a few months ago. That was the first time, I had ever heard of such a thing outside my own past. (When I saw the movie, I simply hadn’t much thought that for some time.) The friends I was watching it with saw this as probably a made up disorder.

So I did a little googling and sure enough found this place among other sites. And frankly, I was amazed that so many people had more or less accepted that they would always have this condition.

I personally think BIID is some glitch in the sensory motor complex.

I admit that my story doesn’t point to any particular therapy or cure that could be put into practice. My own opinion is that for some unknown reason, my brain found some way to resolve the issue.

Sasha,

Was I similar to or different from the other people here?

Hard to say. First of all are any two people exactly alike? Of course not. Secondly any comparisons would involve looking back fifteen years ago.
But from what I remember there were similar features. Envy of wheelchair uses. Playing with crutches and wheelcharis. Scooting around on the floor like a paralyzed girl a relative worked with.

Sometimes I wonder if my dyspraxia had anything to do with the it. But of course, I didn’t actively get treatment for that (and good neuroplasticity based stuff) until 13 year after I had any actual desires to be paralyzed. I suspect however that before I was treated my brain was continually adapting and making adjustments to life.

Could I sit in a wheelchair now and not want to stay in it?

Yes! Five years ago, I broke my ankle. While I was able to take using a wheelchair for a few weeks in stride, I definitely would not want it to be permanent.

If I was paralyzed tomorrow? I would be as unhappy as most people.

Ada,
I doubt that there is a cure for our “disabilty”. I have done a lot of research (googling)(about as much as anyone else as i bet) and I don’t see that there is really any cure out there (other than an “Accident” or such :) ) It is nice though to see that your feelings are getting better. I wish I could say the same, I am 34 year old male and find that I feel better in my chair then out most of the time, I would love to be able to get a job where I could always use my chair as I feel complete when I am in it. Question for you: As it seems that ones enviroment seems to play a role in “BIID feelings” has something in your envirobment changed that could be causing the “feeling of being cured”? Just curious. By the way I am new to this group and please forgive me as I am a little shy as I never felt comfortable talking about this stuff.