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Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Ada's Thoughts > Dinner With A Girl Friend

Dinner With A Girl Friend

Written by Ada on Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I’ve told four people about my BIID. My therapist. My sister. My best friend. And one girl friend.

My one girl friend has known for some time that I’ve been blogging (she didn’t know about what). She has known for a while I have and use a wheelchair sometimes (she didn’t know why). She knows that I’ve made some internet friends with whom I share a rare medical condition (she didn’t know what condition that was).

A week and a half ago, we made plans for a dinner date after work. We proceeded to a conservation area near her home to walk and talk and look at birds. We chatted a bit about work, and about some very personal things.

A close friend of mine was recently gang raped. Without going into detail, it was a horrific event and one that will have an impact for a long time to come. As a result, I’ve been spending a LOT of time supporting my friend. That’s what friends do! I’ll admit it has taken a toll on me. I’ve been strong for my friend, but it has torn me up inside that this horrible thing happened to someone I love.

Walking and talking with my girl friend, I had to let it out. I told her all the gory details, of which there were many, and felt better knowing that I could share with her. She in turn, told me… She was gang-raped as a teenager. Another horrific event to someone I care about. This does NOT help improve my opinion of humankind.

After our walk at the conservation area we went to her house for a while and then out to dinner.

While we were eating, my mobile alerted me an email had arrived. I read it and started laughing at the table. It had been several hours since I emailed this person (which is rare) and they were just "checking in". So I told her it was a friend checking in on me as I’ve been having a hard time lately.

And then I told her. ALL ABOUT MY BIID.

She’d seen Quid Pro Quo sometime back and at that time she’d asked me if there really were "wannabes". I said yes, but the condition was called Body Integrity Identity Disorder.

So this night, I told her I have BIID. She asked some questions. How long had I felt this way? I said closest I can figure around six or seven. She said: "then it *has* to be innate".

I told her about the experience with my sister, and how much it has troubled me. I told her about the good feelings about using my wheelchair and how I’ve not been using my wheelchair and that it was hurting me. Because of my work situation, it will be a LONG time before I can transition into full time if I want or need to, so it seems to be better to wheel less.

She was very compassionate and understanding. She said she can’t understand what having BIID feels like, but she can understand how hard it must be, especially with little treatment available to us.

She has said on a number of occasions, she would not mind at all if I wanted to bring my wheelchair any time we get together. Earlier in the evening we talked about making plans to do something in a couple months. She said that would be a perfect opportunity for me to use my wheelchair, and told me she’d nudge me about it again as the date approached.

All in all it was a great evening, as it always is. At the end of the night we parted and committed to get together more regularly as it makes us both feel saner.

Although, I think she is unlikely to have an adverse reaction as my sister did, I think I will invite her over for dinner or brunch, and she can see me in my wheelchair in my home for the first time.

Nothing has been awkward between us, and now she knows the dirty secret that has troubled me for so long. She seems not to think it dirty at all, and that is a good friend.

Tags: BIID, QPQ, Quid Pro Quo, Wannabe, Wheelchair

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