Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Ada's Thoughts > Day One….
Day One….
Written by Ada on Thursday, December 11, 2008
The wheelchair box had been in my closet for two weeks. I had delayed opening the box because I needed to reconcile a few things in my head before I could open it.
Reconciliation’s complete, yesterday, I knew it was *the* day.
I knew it before I left my home.
The time at the office was long and boring. My heart was pounding through my chest. I had one mandatory meeting I could not reschedule, and it got postponed by 30 minutes, which did not help my heart rate. After that, I had to leave my office for an “appointment”. I did not tell my boss I was going home to use my wheelchair for the first time :) But the fact is, I could not wait a minute longer. I put in overtime regularly, so I didn’t feel too badly.
I arrived at home, turned my car off, and sat there for a minute in the garage (as I often do). I breathed a heavy sigh, and thought, “okay Ada, this is it. This is the beginning of the rest of your life.”
As I walked toward the elevator, my legs were shaking, just as they did the day I got the wheelchair box and dragged it into my home. I was filled with excitement and raw emotion.
I got inside my home, took the box out of the closet, and changed out of my work clothes into leisure wear. I thought I would take it out of the box and just look at it in my home for a time, perhaps even days. But alas, I jumped right in!
I started to wheel around the living room. My home is mostly carpeted. As I’ve never used a wheelchair, I relied on my recollection of watching others technique, and trying to project the proper physics techniques.
I wheeled from the living room, past the dining room table (smashing into the dining chairs and alternately the sideboard). I had a hard time maneuvering the turn into the kitchen. It’s not too tight mind you, I merely lacked the skill. It took about 4 solid try’s, and I got myself “stuck” in the process – but perseverance prevailed, and I passed through the doorway to the kitchen. Tile beneath my wheels is much nicer than thick carpet :) Carpet is my Nemesis.
I have plenty of room to turn in the kitchen. While I was in there, I washed my hands at the kitchen sink. I noticed the cabinets were much higher than I thought. I imagined I would be able to reach objects on the first two shelves, however I could only manage items on the first shelf. I noticed a spot on the floor. I attempted to wipe it up. I could not reach it, and I lost interest.
I moved from the kitchen, around he dining room table and back to the living room again. Into the entry way, back to the kitchen. Then back to the kitchen.
Back to the kitchen, and I made a snack. Back to the living room. And around the dining room again. I got myself stuck again by the door to the balcony. Again, it’s not too tight, I just lacked skill. I scuffed the wall beside the door to the balcony. I decided not to wipe it off, as the mark will remind me of this night.
Just then my BF (best friend, NOT boyfriend) IMed me asking if I was in “heaven” I said I was not, and the feeling was indescribable.
In an attempt to try, I can only articulate: It just felt natural. It seemed so natural to be in my home in wheelchair. I wasn’t thinking about my legs being paralyzed, or thinking that they weren’t. I wasn’t pretending. I was simply a person using a wheelchair, because I need to.
I decided to go out on the balcony. I had to trap the cats in the bedroom, as we live very high up, and they would not survive a plunge. My first try was a little tricky, but I was able to clear the doorway and threshold. The threshold is a several inches. Once over, the balcony slopes downward. Gravity being what it is, I immediately headed toward, and smashed into the railing before I even knew I needed to stop myself. Oh well :) I turned to reach and close the door. It slammed shut, and again, gravity took me, and backward I smashed into the balcony railing. Oh well :)
The view from my balcony allows me to see many magnificent landmarks. I had to sit up straight, and prop myself up a bit to see them, but I could still see them :) The balcony is approximately 6 feet wide x 24 feet long. I passed back and forth a number of times. I was trying to master how to compensate my strokes as the slope downward is several inches. I was able to manage a few quick turns that are difficult inside. I decided to go back inside. :)
For the life of me, I tried to pop a wheelie over the threshold, with no success. I conceded to myself it might be a long time to learn that skill, so I put my foot down, and propped the front wheels up. I cheated. I’ll just do what I have to do until I master my technique. No guilt about cheating for now.
Then I got what I call dead head. I could not think any longer. I turned on the television. I intermittently watched the tele, while doing house tasks.
I fed the beasts. I attemped to unload the diswasher. I filled my cup again.
After three plus hours of nothingness, I had to break the seal, and I jumped out of my wheelchair and headed for bed.
I slept better than I have in MONTHS.
UPDATE: Day two
6:00 AM I arose and decided I would NOT use the wheelchair before work. I poured myself a glass of morning caffeine.
6:04 AM: I sat down in my wheelchair :) I moved about while “watching” the news. I fired up the laptop and checked my email. I was so distracted, I failed to check ta.org as is part of my morning routine before I powered down :) I realized in a few minutes I would have to get ready for work. As I moved from the dining room to the living room….it happened. I popped a wheelie. A WHEELIE! It was an accident and I thought, I must figure out how to do that on purpose! I recently read a chapter about “zen wheeling”, so I took a deep breath, got into the zone, and….. I popped a wheelie! And again, and again, and again, and again :D I screamed out ” WHOOO HOOO” And burst into laughter :) I wished there was someone there to share the moment, but regardless, it was truly a happy moment in my life.
So there you have it.
And I wonder, what is that I see coming toward me?
Ah yes, a snowball :)
Tags: Accident, Happy, Paralysed, Wheelchair, wheelchair ; wheeling: snowball, Wheelie
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8 Comments
2 On 11 December, 2008, Sean said:
I do enjoy reading people’s first experiences in their chair. At the same time, I can’t help thinking of people who have a traumatic SCI’s first experience in a chair, it must be so completely different. Bitter-sweet for all around.
Welcome to our world Ada :)
It is truly exciting to read this, Ada. Such things are so recent for me and I relate to so much of what you experience.
Ah yes, smashing into dining chairs. My trickiest maneuver at home is a tight U-turn coming out of the kitchen area past the dining table. The closest dining chair is very scuffed up.
I strongly agree that this does NOT feel like pretending. You need a wheelchair, so you use a wheelchair.
The new stuff just seems to keep on coming. Today was my first experience attempting to wheel uphill on an ice covered parking lot to the grocery store. ;)
Much looking forward to reading more.
4 On 11 December, 2008, Sean said:
Then there’s those using power wheelchairs, it’s not scuffs anymore, but can be outright holes in the plasterboard!
True Sean, I spent nearly eight months assisting and living with a woman with a severe disability who used a power chair, and yes there were plenty of holes and even more scuffs :)
6 On 12 December, 2008, Claire said:
Oh yes, my first experience involved a severe concussion from flipping backwards trying to pop a wheelie. Be careful!
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1 On 11 December, 2008, Claire said:
That’s always a wonderful moment and it’s so cool to read everyone’s different first experience in a wheelchair. Thanks for sharing it with us, Ada, and congratulations. :o)