Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Ada's Thoughts > BIID Is Weird
BIID Is Weird
Written by Ada on Wednesday, February 18, 2009
It is. I completely understand why those outside our community view it as odd. Fact is, it’s not *much* less weird for those of us who have it.
I’m having trouble accepting it. Sure, I write and comment here, and I correspond with some transabled folks privately and that is all good. And as I type these words, well I’m pretty sure I’m transabled. It’s the only rational explanation. However, when I get up and move through my walking world, I can’t really and fully accept it. Why? Because BIID is weird.
EXAMPLE:
Last weekend was the first time I wheeled with someone who knows me. We usually get together once a week, and the previous weekend we’d discussed plans for the following week. I asked if she’d mind if I use my wheelchair. Without hesitation or awkwardness, she said it would be fine. She’s seen my wheelchair a few times, but never me in it. I’ve talked about wheeling to her, and sometimes she seems okay, and sometimes she seems uncomfortable. But, whatever.
The day arrived, and I drove to pick her up. She saw the wheelchair in the car – nothing awkward. We got to our destination, and as I moved to get the wheelchair out of the car, I realized (and said) "Now I feel weird." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. Nothing awkward. So I got in my wheelchair and we went about our business.
The entire time, things were as they always are between us. I was now shorter than her, but that was really the only difference. We did what we did, and moved on to the next destination. Same thing again. Nothing weird, uncomfortable, awkward between us. It was as if this was the most natural thing in the world, and we’d each always used different modes of transportation.
Later , we went someplace where I felt I had to walk, so I did. Again, nothing awkward.
I dropped her off, and went about the rest of my day.
Later that day, and several times since then I’ve found myself thinking the same thing repeatedly:
I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING?????????????????? WHAT WOULD POSSESS ME TO USE A WHEELCHAIR IN FRONT OF HER??????????????
Every time I have these thoughts, I want to rush home, and jump under the covers and never come out again.
Why, when I had a positive *natural* experience would I feel this way? Because BIID is weird!
Tags: awkward, BIID, Transabled, weird
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5 Comments
As it turns out, the person was NOT as comfortable as appeared. And it seems to have festered in them as we had a long talk about it.
Not looking good for a repeat anytime soon.
Ouch! I’m sorry that it didn’t turn out so well after all. I’ve had some friends who were a bit shocked to start off with, but came around after a while.
Sounds to me like a good, real life type of experience. If we are to be ourselves in front of others, they too had better get used to it. I think the reactions of others is a great topic of discussion.
Sorry it didn’t go so well as you thought at the time. Well done for trying it though. It must take a lot of courage to even try and see if your friends can handle it. As I’ve just posted under ‘I was seen’ I’ve managed to go out with a friend for a fun-filled day of hopping while wheeling but I couldn’t tel him or anyone else the real reason. My husband is the only person who has the more full explanation but he still doesn’t know everything. I know he’d love me whatever but I don’t think I could handle it if he said I was wierd and that he didn’t want to talk about it any more (and no I don’t have any evidence to suggest this would be his solution)
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1 On 18 February, 2009, Chloe said:
It is an interesting dichotomy between feeling so natural in a wheelchair, yet knowing that it is a bit weird. I seldom think about how weird it is now. My most frequent reminder is when I say something to my partner and she smiles or chuckles. I hadn’t meant it to be funny; it would just be a normal thing that someone with BIID might say. But to others it would certainly seem very peculiar.
I’m glad this person was comfortable with you just being yourself.