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Numb
Written by Eric on Monday, May 28, 2007
Sometimes it’s like life is like the ocean and I am a life ring, floating along on the tide. I have spent the last few years investing myself in the exploration of BIID, and it was not until a few months ago that I even knew this condition had a name. It’s amazing what that kind of knowledge can do for a person.
With BIID, the numbness goes beyond the legs. It seeps into my emotions and makes me a little bit wary of myself, and it turns people away. And yet I continue to hide this thing from family and friends, and I don’t know how long it will take before I am open about it. I believe that once I figure myself out, I can share myself with others, because I suppose it’s a bit like trying to start a book discussion group when no one has read the book. It would make for a pretty difficult talk, and my parents always taught me that you shouldn’t talk about something until you know what you’re talking about. Otherwise you end up looking like a jackass.
People come to this site because something drives them to it. It might be that they have BIID, it might be that someone they love has BIID, or it might be curiosity. Perhaps they are just looking on the net for something interesting, or they decided to write a term paper and they wanted something cool to write about. I wandered in through a link and I never left. That can say just two things: This site is a worthy one for people to see and utilize to make connections with others and with themselves, or I am just an obsessive human being. I guess only time will tell. Either way, it’s making the numbness feel not so shameful and encourages me to commit to making myself understand this thing.
Let them call it a disorder. The worst that can happen is that I become more free to be me. That’s not such a bad outcome.
[tags]BIID, Numb, Family, Emotions[/tags]This entry appears in Eric's thoughts, Other's Thoughts, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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2 Comments
2 On 30 May, 2007, Claire said:
Hey Eric, welcome aboard. I’ve always enjoyed your comments and you will make a great addition to the bloggers here at transabled.org.
I know that numbness. I think it either comes from having to keep a deep secret and never being able to be your true self, or else it comes from the depression that so often rides alongside BIID, or, more probably, both.
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1 On 29 May, 2007, rorschach said:
5/5 great entry.