Comments on: My father, my BIID http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm Talking about Body Integrity Identity Disorder - Just another disability! Mon, 08 Sep 2008 04:30:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4809 Sean Wed, 04 Jul 2007 05:16:00 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4809 Nothing to report Eric, status quo, etc Nothing to report Eric, status quo, etc

]]> By: Eric http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4797 Eric Tue, 03 Jul 2007 04:03:39 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4797 Hi Sean. Just wondering if there are any updates about this situation? Hi Sean. Just wondering if there are any updates about this situation?

]]> By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4755 Sean Wed, 27 Jun 2007 23:35:23 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4755 Brice, that's pretty much what I'm telling him, minus the invite to lunch. He's several thousand miles, one ocean and one continent apart :) Brice, that’s pretty much what I’m telling him, minus the invite to lunch. He’s several thousand miles, one ocean and one continent apart :)

]]> By: Brice http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4754 Brice Wed, 27 Jun 2007 23:18:29 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4754 A thought: No one with a disability *is* their disability, be it paraplegia, BIID, whatever. Disability colors who we are but must not control it. So look, Dad, this is what I've got, it's part of who I am but by no means all of it. My level of happiness is proportional to my ability to wheel through life rather than walk. My legs don't help me, it's strange but true. I'm a grownup, I don't need your permission to take care of my condition, but I'd be happy for your acceptance of me as I am. Can I invite you to lunch at [accessible restaurant]? A thought: No one with a disability *is* their disability, be it paraplegia, BIID, whatever. Disability colors who we are but must not control it. So look, Dad, this is what I’ve got, it’s part of who I am but by no means all of it. My level of happiness is proportional to my ability to wheel through life rather than walk. My legs don’t help me, it’s strange but true. I’m a grownup, I don’t need your permission to take care of my condition, but I’d be happy for your acceptance of me as I am. Can I invite you to lunch at [accessible restaurant]?

]]> By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4753 Sean Wed, 27 Jun 2007 20:10:41 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4753 Will, I appreciate your feedback, and at the same time, you're reading my father wrongly :) He's not the "typical" guy and know for a fact that he was talking about getting to know the internal workings of me, not the superficial stuff. And yes, he has shared stuff with me like that. teldec, BIID touches every aspects of our lives, including our relationship with our parents. And if in the journey that is my life I happen to discuss BIID with my father, and it impacts on me, I *will* discuss it here. I have no idea what Freud has to do with my post, although I find your interpretation of Freud amusing. Will, I appreciate your feedback, and at the same time, you’re reading my father wrongly :) He’s not the “typical” guy and know for a fact that he was talking about getting to know the internal workings of me, not the superficial stuff. And yes, he has shared stuff with me like that.

teldec, BIID touches every aspects of our lives, including our relationship with our parents. And if in the journey that is my life I happen to discuss BIID with my father, and it impacts on me, I *will* discuss it here. I have no idea what Freud has to do with my post, although I find your interpretation of Freud amusing.

]]> By: Will http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4751 Will Wed, 27 Jun 2007 15:41:50 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4751 Sean I think you need to get an edit button on these post cause there's always things i forget to mention in my posts. When your father asked you to open up, he probably wanted to know simple stuff like what beer you drink, what football team you follow, what kind of car you'd drive if you had the money, stuff about you job etc. Just remember you moved away years ago and he has'nt really seen you grow up and develop into the man you are today. I'm sure he never burdened you with his innermost thoughts so its probably best not to burden him with yours, just keep it simple. I dont think he was asking or expecting a confessional. Dont be soppy about it though, dont throw yourself into his arms and tell him you love him in floods of tears like a little girl, be a man, shake his hand and do that head nod thing like men do when they're scared to show a bit of emotion. Be subtle, be cool and keep it simple. Sean I think you need to get an edit button on these post cause there’s always things i forget to mention in my posts.

When your father asked you to open up, he probably wanted to know simple stuff like what beer you drink, what football team you follow, what kind of car you’d drive if you had the money, stuff about you job etc. Just remember you moved away years ago and he has’nt really seen you grow up and develop into the man you are today.
I’m sure he never burdened you with his innermost thoughts so its probably best not to burden him with yours, just keep it simple. I dont think he was asking or expecting a confessional.
Dont be soppy about it though, dont throw yourself into his arms and tell him you love him in floods of tears like a little girl, be a man, shake his hand and do that head nod thing like men do when they’re scared to show a bit of emotion. Be subtle, be cool and keep it simple.

]]> By: teldec http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4750 teldec Wed, 27 Jun 2007 06:32:39 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4750 I think your relationship with your father has nothing to do with BIID. It might be possible that you read something about relationships from S. Freud (he was a fictional author of literature 150 years before from London and he was paedophile). I think you should go back to important questions here on this website. I think your relationship with your father has nothing to do with BIID. It might be possible that you read something about relationships from S. Freud (he was a fictional author of literature 150 years before from London and he was paedophile). I think you should go back to important questions here on this website.

]]> By: Will http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4749 Will Wed, 27 Jun 2007 04:51:37 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4749 Hi, I'll try to be brief, but no promises !?! If your dad's anything like my dad, (he's in his seventies now) He's probably just looking for a few assurances that he has actually been a good father. My dad has been looking back over his own life and i kinda get the impression he does'nt want to think he's wasted it. He wants to know that he has been of at least some use to his family and his friends. I guess he's just looking for a bit of self-worth in what he thinks are his last few years. Basically i think he wants to know that he's been a good man and a good father !. So, for me i just tell him of the good things, the things i've learnt from him, the times when i didnt appreciate his sacrifices and advice simply because i was too young, impetuous and narrow minded. The times when i didnt show him the respect he deserved, but that i now understand. Basically i just let him know that he HAS been a good father and a good man. I dont lie to him mind you, but now's not the time for selfish nit-picking, and it's not really the time or the place to open up to him and reveal all my deepest darkest secrets. To be honest he'd probably have a heart attack if i tried to explain BIID, and i think he'd probably cut me out of his will if he knew how many drugs i had and how many women i shagged when i was younger !!! not to mention working for some local gangsters dealing in drugs and a bit of breaking and entering (just the folly of youth i guess, i'm a really nice law abiding bloke now, honest). For me, its a time to be a mature son and not that stupid insensitive teenager he lived with all those years ago. And just let him know that i did grow up to be a good man myself. (my opinion) Don't know if this is the same for you Sean, but if i were you i'd just tell him of the positive things in your life, and just tell him how much you appreciate respect and love him. Hi, I’ll try to be brief, but no promises !?!

If your dad’s anything like my dad, (he’s in his seventies now) He’s probably just looking for a few assurances that he has actually been a good father. My dad has been looking back over his own life and i kinda get the impression he does’nt want to think he’s wasted it. He wants to know that he has been of at least some use to his family and his friends. I guess he’s just looking for a bit of self-worth in what he thinks are his last few years.

Basically i think he wants to know that he’s been a good man and a good father !.

So, for me i just tell him of the good things, the things i’ve learnt from him, the times when i didnt appreciate his sacrifices and advice simply because i was too young, impetuous and narrow minded. The times when i didnt show him the respect he deserved, but that i now understand. Basically i just let him know that he HAS been a good father and a good man. I dont lie to him mind you, but now’s not the time for selfish nit-picking, and it’s not really the time or the place to open up to him and reveal all my deepest darkest secrets. To be honest he’d probably have a heart attack if i tried to explain BIID, and i think he’d probably cut me out of his will if he knew how many drugs i had and how many women i shagged when i was younger !!! not to mention working for some local gangsters dealing in drugs and a bit of breaking and entering (just the folly of youth i guess, i’m a really nice law abiding bloke now, honest).

For me, its a time to be a mature son and not that stupid insensitive teenager he lived with all those years ago. And just let him know that i did grow up to be a good man myself. (my opinion)

Don’t know if this is the same for you Sean, but if i were you i’d just tell him of the positive things in your life, and just tell him how much you appreciate respect and love him.

]]> By: Paradox http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4748 Paradox Tue, 26 Jun 2007 21:37:28 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4748 It is positive I think. How can he ever understand it when those who experience it cannot. He has given you his love and that is something many men never hear from their fathers even though they feel it. It is positive I think. How can he ever understand it when those who experience it cannot. He has given you his love and that is something many men never hear from their fathers even though they feel it.

]]> By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4747 Sean Tue, 26 Jun 2007 20:10:17 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4747 Hmm. well, it's a bit different than that, really. He said "I want to know you better", and I shoved BIID down his throat :) I am not unhappy about his reaction in general, I think it's natural for him to feel overwhelmed, although he *has* known about my BIID for 20 years now. *shrug* Time will tell on this one. Hmm. well, it’s a bit different than that, really. He said “I want to know you better”, and I shoved BIID down his throat :) I am not unhappy about his reaction in general, I think it’s natural for him to feel overwhelmed, although he *has* known about my BIID for 20 years now. *shrug* Time will tell on this one.

]]> By: inVivo http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4746 inVivo Tue, 26 Jun 2007 17:22:27 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4746 Thats great, do share some things with, your BIID is part of you and he wants to know about your life. Thats great, do share some things with, your BIID is part of you and he wants to know about your life.

]]> By: Brice http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4745 Brice Tue, 26 Jun 2007 15:07:11 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4745 He wants to understand, or at least to try to accept what he can't understand in you. It's coming out of his need, and in my book it's OK to take care of others' needs even if they can't do much in the way of taking care of ours. No parent understands his/her adult child completely. We are our own persons, not extensions of them. I wish you both the very best in coming to a new basis of relationship. He wants to understand, or at least to try to accept what he can’t understand in you. It’s coming out of his need, and in my book it’s OK to take care of others’ needs even if they can’t do much in the way of taking care of ours. No parent understands his/her adult child completely. We are our own persons, not extensions of them. I wish you both the very best in coming to a new basis of relationship.

]]> By: Eric http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4742 Eric Tue, 26 Jun 2007 05:15:49 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/my-father-my-biid.htm#comment-4742 I think it's an amazing thing that your dad has opened that door. I wish my own father could do that. He's missing out on so much, and this could be the very best thing that ever happened to you both. Remember that unless someone lives the life you live, they will never truly understand, so the idea of educating your dad is a moot one. But, it does not mean that he cannot walk beside you in everything and become one of your greatest advocates. Best of luck with it all. I think it’s an amazing thing that your dad has opened that door. I wish my own father could do that. He’s missing out on so much, and this could be the very best thing that ever happened to you both.

Remember that unless someone lives the life you live, they will never truly understand, so the idea of educating your dad is a moot one. But, it does not mean that he cannot walk beside you in everything and become one of your greatest advocates.

Best of luck with it all.

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