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Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Must…fiddle…now

Must…fiddle…now

Written by Sophie on Friday, August 25, 2006

I think it’s a well known fact that I love to fiddle with new things. I’ve always been the sort of girl who loves to surprise the boys by understanding the things they do. Cars, Computers, Web Design (sorta), Panel Beating. Some of the skills I’ve learnt have not been pleasant. I learnt panel beating when my dad and I de-rusted and repainted an 81 Civic. 81 Civics are notorious when it comes to rust. My dad was adamant it was just going to be a quick job; we spent almost a year getting the car ready for paint. And then in a matter of weeks rust started reappearing again.

I get these massive urges to fiddle with things. Sometimes it does me good, it means I’m motivated enough to look past my short attention span (I’m a kinaesthetic learner). My knowledge of spinal cord injuries and wheelchairs is a perfect example of my "urges" overcoming my learning difficulties.

Sometimes this urge to fiddle isn’t a good thing. For example, several weeks ago I had the biggest urge to buy a cordless phone. No matter what Sean could say to me, I couldn’t drop the thought that I wanted a cordless phone. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to go into the shop and see the crappy range of phones that I could justify not having one. Other things aren’t so easy to justify not having. I spend hours on sportaid looking at the rigid chairs, looking at different setups, prices, reviews. And then there’s my latest urge to have a PDA phone. These devices have lots of stuff to fiddle with, for $1,200 they’d better have lots of features. The only thing that’s stopping me from buying one right now is the lack of money issue. I make do by looking on the Telecom site, playing with the interactive demos, reading the abundance of reviews.

Caption: ZRA Ti-Lite chair
Sophie wants it blue
instead of black.

Sometimes fiddling, and the urge to fiddle does me good. It helps to keep my mind off all that other depressing stuff that is constantly there. I know I need to ignore my transabledness sometimes. It isn’t good for people to be that depressed all the time. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always work. It just makes me feel so much more depressed. It tells me that I don’t have any money, I’m not a para, I don’t have a nice chair, I don’t have something to fiddle with.

I am learning when it’s a good time to obsess and when it isn’t. I haven’t actually obsessed about anything (other than that pretty Ti-Lite chair) like cell phones in a long time…or at least not since I bought my last phone (at the beginning of last year). Thank goodness the fact that my latest phone was such a disappointment. It makes me wary of spending that much money on a phone again.

You have to understand. I’m a terrible window shopper. I feel guilty going to the supermarket. I’ve never been a good shopper. When I go into a store I know exactly what I want, I go in, get what I want, and get out. I guess in that way I am a guy. I still haven’t replaced some of my clothes from when I was 16, and I pinched my Mum’s oversized sweatpants. Generally I’ve done a lot of snooping, humming and haaing online when I go into the store to buy that object.

I have accepted this as a part of who I am. Sean doesn’t quite understand why I do this to myself. I accept it, but I don’t understand it. I understand a little bit, but not properly. Maybe I’m just an obsessive, depressed, transabled chick? I’d rather put a positive spin on it and say I’m motivated.

[tags]Wheelchair, Transabled, Self+Understanding, Urges, Fiddling, Purchase[/tags]

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