Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Sophie's Thoughts / Moving, Gargoyles and Death
Moving, Gargoyles and Death
Written by Sophie on Saturday, July 15, 2006
I had another one of my nights last night where I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were all jumbled up. It was a mixture of desires of moving away, Gargoyles (a cartoon I’ve been watching lately) and death.
The episodes of gargoyles that I had watched that night had involved a lot of sorcery etc and for some reason it kept going through my mind. I kept trying to move my mind onto more cheery topics, like what it’ll be like when I move away and wheel full time properly, but my mind kept drifting back. Then suddenly for some reason the thought of "what will I do when Sean dies?" drifted into my head. I have no idea why I suddenly started thinking about that. I don’t even know where I’ll be next year compared to several decades down the track. All I know is that Sean has had as big an impact on my life as my Granny did, and when she died I had developed a terrible fear of death, or more a fear of the unknown.
I can definitely see myself on the same path as Sean, living somewhere completely new, pretending full time, that constant need to be a para driving me almost to insanity. I’m only half his age, where will I be when I’m his age? It scares me. Will I get any further towards my goals than him? Sean is the only person I can really talk to completely openly and honestly. He knows exactly how I feel, and I know how he feels. What if when he dies I’m still in this situation? Who would I turn to then? Humans are meant to be social creatures. I’m not terribly social at the moment but I know there are people I lean on for emotional support way too much. Don’t get me wrong. I see Sean purely as my mentor and "advisor", like he said when he first introduced me on this site our friendship is in no way sexual. LOL, I’d never want to call him a "father figure". We are both writing on pages in the same book but I also fear that when he goes I won’t be as strong as what he is, you all will agree that Sean is an amazing guy. Yes, I am assuming he will die before me, but I am half his age. As they say, people live, and people die. I’m afraid of being alone, completely alone. I’m more afraid of being alone, than going down Sean’s path, I’m already on that path.
Rather weird thoughts to come of Gargoyles and moving aren’t they?
This entry appears in Other's Thoughts, Sophie's Thoughts, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You may have your say, or trackback from your own site.
Post your comments
© transabled.org - 1994-2008 - All Rights Reserved.