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Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Momster

Momster

Written by Alex on Sunday, May 21, 2006

It’s a toss up trying to figure out which was harder, realizing that I was different and actually wanted/needed this, or feeling the need to tell the only other human being I trust absolutely in the world. My mom.

Telling Mom I’m different

Mom has been with me on every vacation I’ve gone wheeling. She even tried it once herself, but she always believed I was researching, for what I’m not going to say, but researching none the less. Admittedly it was interesting seeing the difference in attitudes of people when I was in the chair versus when she was in the chair. With mom people were very attentive, watched out for her. Me? I was on my own.

But I digress.

Not everyone who reads this lives in the States so many may not know what I’m talking about, and that’ okay. There is a television show called CSI New York and they did an episode on BIID where the victim died of gangrene after having his leg amputated. We watched it and I found it very interesting. My mom on the other hand found it very disturbing.

I already knew I was a pretender, but I knew I would never go so far and to have parts of my body removed. I had been on the verge of telling her about my feelings of pretending and as I now know transability and how I wanted to take it further. Live the life as it were. However, after her reaction to the CSI episode I became incredibly hesitant.

Now, without getting into a lot of detail let me say that I am extremely close to my mom. We have been through thick and thin since the beginning of time and she is the one person I can count on to watch my back no matter what. So to know she had that kind of reaction made it all the harder, so I waited.

For the most part I am not a deceitful person, but I do know when the best time to tell my mom news she’s not going to like is. When I’m driving. The day I decided to just say it and tell her I eased into the subject by telling her a little about some of the research I’d been doing on the internet and a website I’d found that explained to me the feelings I’d been having for a long time. Silence (crickets as 70mph).

And then it was okay. She was hesitant at first and I think a little relieved that I wasn’t admitting homicidal drug tendencies. She wasn’t happy, I mean what parent would be to discover their child actually wanted to be a full time wheelchair user? Her big concern was that I didn’t want to remove any body parts. I assured her that wasn’t going to happen.

I’m not truly sure what she feels about the whole business simply becasue I haven’t told her of my full plans, but she’s been supportive and I haven’t wanted to drown her in all of the details. She asks questions every now and then and that’s okay. I’d rather she ask questions than keep everything bottled up.

I know I wouldn’t even be able to think about transitioning without her help and support. I don’t know if I could do it alone and I’m glad I don’t have to. I admire anyone who has been able to at least attempt the process alone.

My hope is that for anybody else out there either in transition, or thinking of going into it that they have at least one person to share their feelings, fears, and hopes with.

I know how lucky I am with this and in actuality it has been pointed out to me that my age has something to do with it. I’m not 22 and announcing I want to spend the next 60 years in a wheelchair. A major concern for my mom is that I won’t be able to do many of the things I like to do and while that is true there may be other opportunities available. I’ve explained this although I haven’t been able to give any specifics just yet.

Time will tell how this all works out and of course it will all be written here.