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Home / Surgeon Search / Letter to SRS surgeons

Letter to SRS surgeons

Written by Sean on Saturday, January 21, 2006

I wrote the following letter and sent it to several surgeons who specialise in SRS. I’m not holding my breath. I don’t actually expect to receive any positive responses, if any response at all. I have sent a dozen letters via regular mail, and about three times as many by email. Experience with surveys and such say that a 5% to 7% return is good. So maybe I’ll get 2 or 3 responses, who knows? But if one doesn’t at least try, the answer is bound to be negative.

The letter

I am writing with an unusual request. I hope you will be able to help me. I am asking you because I know you are doing a lot of work with people who are transgendered. I am not transgendered myself, but have a condition that is very similar. I am now 37 years old and have always wanted to be a paraplegic.

I say “want” but in fact, I really need to have the body I feel I should have been born with. For as long as I can remember, I have felt a stranger in my own body. I have felt that I should be paralysed. My self-image is that of a paraplegic with an L2-L3 injury. You could take the “typical” story of someone who is transsexual, and apply it to me, just by switching “woman/man” with “paraplegic”.

I have been living as a full-time wheelchair user since 1996 (including employment, entertainment, home life, and all aspects of my life). I have friends with disabilities, and my late wife was a paraplegic (as a result of a car accident). I say this to explain that I am aware of the impact this would make in my life. I understand fully all the implications, both physical and emotional.

I tried to make my feelings go away. I attempted to ignore my need. I have seen psycho-therapists and also tried medication. While I understand myself better after therapy, the feelings are still there, as strong as they were. None of the several prescribed drugs tried had any effect on these feelings.

I must admit I am quite desperate about this. I have reached a point where I think I would be better dead than not a paraplegic. I have considered several plans to acquire a spinal cord injury, but none of them would be safe (that is, they all carry risk much more significant than a low level spinal cord injury). This is why I am seeking surgery, which can be accomplished in a safe and controlled environment.

I understand that as a physician, you took an oath to “do no harm”, and that inflicting such an injury to a healthy body could be viewed as doing harm. It was not so long ago, the same perception applied to people who needed sex reassignment surgery. The emotional benefits of such a surgery on me would greatly outweigh the physical problems.

Would you consider performing a spinal cord transection on an individual like myself? And if so, what kind of costs would be involved? Thank you in advance for your serious consideration.

What’s wrong with this?

There are several things that are "wrong" with getting such a surgery. For starters, one most definitely couldn’t claim that it happen by accident, so any long term medical assistance would be impossible to get (I’ve read arguments that such assistance shouldn’t be expected anyway if you self-injure in any way). Also, it would be difficult to explain to your doctor. Telling hir that you had a surgery done because you wanted it may get the doctor to wonder about your mental health status (well, yeah, it is questionable after all). And while a surgeon may possibly perform such an operation, I highly doubt that they’d go as far as providing a fake diagnostic/history. Though, one may hope…

Then there’s the fact that you would likely not be able to go through rehab. Again, how to do you justify getting yourself into the rehab facility? Yet, some basic stuff would need to be figured out. I can wheel, yes, but some important sanitary issues would arise. Is the bladder going to be stuck in the open, or shut position? Do I need to cath? Is so, intermittent, or in-dwelling? Or perhaps just a condom type cath? How about catheter size? Then how about bowel management? All things I would eventually figure out, but one could hope for medical assistance in figuring that one out.

And how about pain management? Oh, aye, I don’t doubt for a moment that the after effect of such a surgery would be extremely painful. And in the long term, ongoing pain is more than likely. But at first, I doubt that a couple tylenol would do the trick.

One could find more and more problems with this approach. But in the end, it’s likely to be the safest option.

So, we’ll see.