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Just a Pair of Gloves

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Written by Claire on Wednesday, October 25, 2006

My wheelchair hasn’t arrived yet, but this morning on a whim I went to a sporting goods store to get myself a pair of bicycle gloves; the kind with no fingers that many wheelchair users wear. I told the salesgirl what I wanted and she led me to the bicycle aisle. This may sound odd, but I felt a bit of awe as I took them off the rack. But that was nothing to the feeling that settled over me as I placed them on my hands.

Wheelchair Gloves

It was almost sublime. A feeling of rightness. They just  fit  in more than the physical sense. Being complete. And closing a door. I stood there for a few seconds just staring at my hands, experiencing the emotions and wondering at them, as a small secret smile escaped the businesslike facade I was holding up for the benefit of the salesgirl. This lasted several seconds, and, aware of her presence, I got ahold of myself and briskly told her that these were fine, and I would take them. I paid and got out of there.

Once home I put them on again, feeling the same feelings. And my eyes filled up with tears for so many reasons, some I can’t even fathom yet. These gloves are the first concrete thing in my life that tells me that I’m on my way to realizing a dream. They remind me of my dear cousin who was a paraplegic, and wore similar ones. They tell me that this is all indeed very real. They tell me that there is no going back now. Because these gloves mean I’m on my way. They mean I’m going to do it. They mean I can’t stop myself now, even if I wanted to. And they just feel so right.

[tags]Wheelchair, Pretending, Pretenders, Transabled, BIID, Gloves[/tags]
 

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2 Comments

1 On 25 October, 2006, Sophie said:

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I remember the first thing I bought as a consciously transabled girl was a pair of weight gloves. They could never be used as wheeling gloves, they were too stiff and thick (made of wetsuit material), but just as you say that feeling of putting them on in a transabled aspect was just overwhelming. My parents thought I was weird cuz I wore them round the house.

 

2 On 25 October, 2006, Claire said:

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Isn’t it interesting how so many of us have had the same experiences, even down to simple things like this one!

 

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About Claire

I am a wife and mother who has had BIID all my life. Since my earliest memories I have had a deep desire to be a paraplegic. For over 30 years I kept this a closely held secret until one day I just could not take it anymore. Now, I am telling all of you my story, because I know that somewhere there is another wife and mother who is confused about her strange desires and needs to know she is not alone.