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It’s easy giving advice
Written by Sean on Friday, July 7, 2006
Sophie has been having a hard time, particularly with her parents. The usual, you know? They can’t accept her use of the wheelchair. They won’t, whatever! And I found myself giving her advice about how to handle the situation. And I wasn’t the only one giving advice, some people went as far as telling her what to do, not what she could do, but what she should do.
How easy it is, isn’t it, to give advice when you aren’t living the situation? No risk in the end. You say your bit, and voila, you can leave , no repercussion on your life. I’ve often received advice from some people and thought that perhaps they were in fact telling me what they would like to do themselves, if only… If only they had the courage. If only their situation was different. If only their partner was more understanding… If only they lived elsewhere… If only they were me… If only!
People mean well when they give advice, of course! But some live my experience vicariously. They can’t or won’t make the move to full time wheeling, so they live the experience through me. Which in and of itself isn’t a problem, at all. Just a bit strange when advice starts pouring in about what to do, how to do it, and have those Truths given with such authority.
Of course, there are those people who give advice based on *their* experience, which is probably the best way to go. I’ve gotten some excellent advice that way. And it’s not because I haven’t acted on your advice that it means I’ve been ignoring it or disagreeing with you. It just isn’t as easy as I’d like. "If only…" you know?
Which brings me back to the advice I recently offered Sophie on her Yahoo! Group. Which was based on my experience and thoughts. And to be honest, I have to admit that I don’t know for sure that this is how I would actually handle the situation myself. I know it is how I think it should be handled. But I also know that believing in a course of action and following that course are two entirely different things. I just have to look in my own life. I know how I could handle some things, but I’m not doing it that way, for many reasons, some admitedly not quite as valid as others, but they are all *real* to me.
And so, to Sophie, and my other friends to whom I generously impart the wisdom of my years and experience <cough>, do know that I mean well, I am not trying to live vicariously, and fully realise that what I think should be done in a situation isn’t necessarily appropriate for you, and even if it is, that you may not find yourself able to act on the advice, or decide to take a different course of action (or inaction, as the case may be).
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