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Home / Thoughts / It’s a question of choice, or is it?

It’s a question of choice, or is it?

Written by Sean on Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I have received an email from a young woman with a disability, and the exchange of email has proven very interesting so far. Part of what we’ve been discussing is the concept of choice. As in, we (transabled) can chose to stop using the wheelchair at any time, we don’t really know what it’s like. I’m simplifying her position quite a bit, but it’s not so much about what she said, as much as what it prompted me to think.

Choice… Strange concept

So here I was, soaking in a bath, or perhaps simmering in the tub, since the water was so hot. And thinking about these emails, and the idea of "choice". So many things come to mind.

First, I pointed out to my correspondant that I never chose to have the feelings I have. Most of the folks I know who have BIID never chose to be that way. It was there. No more, no less. Because if it was a choice to have the transabled feelings, I guarantee that the majority of us would not pick those feelings. We’re not in it because it’s fun. We’re not consciously making a decision at some point that "this looks like fun, I’m gonna be transabled now" But that was a point that she agreed on to begin with. A simple error in communication made it appear differently.

There’s also the choice of what level of injury, or what impairment to have. But again, this wasn’t a choice for me. It was there since the very beginning. I was 3 or 4, and wanted to be paralysed. I had no idea what "paralysis" really meant at the time. In fact, I believed that your legs were stuck in one position, like wooden limbs. But I knew already that I should be paralysed from about the belly button down. It’s only much later that I discovered that paralysis didn’t usually mean rigid legs, and that from the belly button down meant an injury around L1. It is also later that I learned about spinal cord injuries, when I was 3 or 4, I was clueless. So while it might appear that I chose my preferred impairment, it really only happened to me, it has been there, with me, for as long as I can remember.

So, this leaves the issue of choice about whether to use the chair or not. And yes, I do have the choice in some ways. I can chose not to wheel and be (more) miserable. Or I can chose to wheel and manage to be functional throughout the day.

Now that I’m not known as a para, I can opt for walking as appropriate. Only to me, it’s never appropriate. When I was known as a para, that option was removed from me, I didn’t have the choice: Known as a para meant that I couldn’t be walking at all, not in public anyway. There was reassurance in the inability to opt out. So I guess that I do have a choice, yes, but it’s a choice I’d much rather not have. Take it away, please. I don’t want it.

Of course, everything in life is a choice. Some choices are simply not acceptable, or not viable, or… Ohh, I dunno, you just can’t opt for them. Other choices, you can handle, even if you don’t like the deal. But by and large it could be argued that one always has the choice. Or *a* choice anyway. Because if you’re missing a leg, you can’t suddenly chose to grow a new one. I’m sure you get my point.

So yeah! On the surface, I appear to have access to many choices on many issues. But digging a bit more, one realises that these so-called choices were no choices at all. And what’s left are options I’d rather not have at all.

Tags: Choice, Transabled, Paralysis, Wheelchair, BIID