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Intelligence v Self Confidence
Written by Sophie on Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Sean said something tonight that got me wondering. He said that transabled people tend to have a slightly higher intelligence and a lower self-esteem. He asked me if I thought I was an intelligent woman and I honestly couldn’t answer. It’s the whole battle &nbps;am I intelligent but I lack the self confidence to admit it?&nbps;
In the past my parents have often told me I’m intelligent as a way of guilt tripping me into following the paths they want me to. Other than that I’ve never really been told I’m intelligent, yet I spent a fair bit of time last week trying to convince a friend online that she wasn’t stupid. Is intelligence simply a matter of the mind?
How many of you transabled people would say you’re intelligent? How many of you lack self esteem? How many of you don’t know either way? Is there a reason we tend to have these trends? It’s like governments feeding funding into minority groups whose trends say they under-achieve. I often wonder if it is really the case. Do these feelings have anything to do with being transabled? If so would getting my SCI change how I feel about myself? Probably not.
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1 On 24 October, 2006, Claire said:
I have an issue with this Sophie but it’s a bit different than your experience. When I was young, I was intelligent and knew it. Everything came easy, I had no problems learning anything new. Then I got older. I had kids and stayed home to raise them, and a husband to make all the important decisions because I was too tired from raising the kids to want to think. My brain turned to jello. But even worse, is I’ve been on long-term medication whose side-effect is to impair concentration and memory. I’ve been very afraid of losing the gifts I had. If fact, I thought I had lost them. And it took a huge toll on my self-esteem. I started to feel stupid and relied on everyone around me to remember things, or make decisions. People talked about situations that happened and I couldn’t follow the conversation because I didn’t get it. I just nodded like I understood. It’s a horrible feeling. Not only do you feel stupid, you feel left out. Unable to pursue your friendships because you don’t get what they’re saying. Isolated, and very alone, and scared about what the future holds.
And then, interestingly, my BIID came roaring back with a vengeance, and I needed to write. And then as I was writing, I realized that I still had a couple brain cells left to rub together. Maybe not TONS, ok, but a few. And the more I wrote, the more confident I got. There’s still lots of things I don’t get. Things I have to mull over before it finally clicks. But the point is, you have to USE it. It’s like exercising any other muscle in your body. You don’t use it, it atrophies. You use it, it becomes stronger. Sometimes it’s hard work. But this is one part of my body I don’t want weak and useless, I want it strong and capable, and I’m going to work to keep it that way.