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Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Sophie's Thoughts / I’m Too Tired to Cope

I’m Too Tired to Cope

Written by Sophie on Sunday, November 19, 2006

I’ve not had time to think about my transabledness… I guess you could call it the "ignoring it" tactic, but this time it’s unintentional. All its doing is proving that I can’t simply ignore it. What with my two websites and my two jobs I barely have time to think about any "in depth" stuff…I’m generally more than happy just to blob in my wheelchair in front of a movie or something.

Sooo tired.

Thankfully I’ve managed to remove one of the many factors keeping me busy. I cut myself out of my casts tonight. It didn’t take as long as Sean said it would, but my flat now has fibreglass everywhere. I do appreciate that I got this experience; I know a lot of people don’t even have a chance at what I’ve done unless they break a bone. But still, I guess I’ve figured out from this whole thing that casting isn’t really my thing. Yea I know paras can’t feel or move their legs. But their legs aren’t all stiff, rigid and chunky either, and taking the casts off have just made my foot rest seem even longer :( Oh well, stuff I simply have to live with I guess.

I hope I come up with something more substantial than this, but lately I’ve been feeling soooo tired. I’ve been feeling a little sick the last couple of days too. Having this nagging feeling that I’m meant to be a para doesn’t help the whole ordeal. It would be so nice to be able to drop this part of my life and relieve the mental stress, but I simply can’t do that. Even the thought of living without BIID scares me. I know it shouldn’t, but I guess I’m coming to really accept that this is a part of me. It’s hard to explain, but I don’t want to be cured of these "evil desires". I just want to be a para.

Tags: Transabled, BIID, Wheelchair, Cast, Tired