Comments on: Has this site helped you? Taking stock.

By: Robin

Robin — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 04:05:46 +0000

Yes! Your site was the first site I found, about 9 months ago now I think? Yours was the site that made me go “I’m not the only one like this!” and start talking about it and dealing with it instead of trying to hide it all as I always have.
It’s not a cooincidence I’m dealing better with all this than I used to. It’s still hard, but I’m dealing much better.

Thank you for this site, and to everyone who writes here also. :)

By: Ronald

Ronald — Tue, 29 May 2007 00:44:25 +0000

Perception is reality to the masses. I have learned this the hard way after a 25 plus year career dealing with the public. As far as I am concerned, one can sell ice cream covered dog crap as a treat as long as they have prepared their client to accept it. This is called a sales pitch!! At the same time, the best chocolate in the world is avoided like the plague by the masses because it is not sold in an attractive wrapper.

This holds true for how individuals perceive each other. The masses have been brow beaten to not question or comment in any way other than what is politically correct with respect to transgendered and they are all willing to accept the notion they are too stupid to even think about it creatively because they do not understand it.

Yet they are more than willing ridicule, belittle or offer their own special brand of stupidity when it comes to transabled. I guess we do not have protected minority status yet.

The point of my first comment was that people who were commenting on some of the discussion groups did not seem to want to have anything to do with those who did not share the exact same desires. They tried to create their own exclusive clubs. Not so here, it appears to be a great free for all.

By: Eric

Eric — Mon, 28 May 2007 07:50:38 +0000

In response to Bracer and Ronald, in my experience I find that people label things for a few reasons:

One reason is that they have a genuine desire to understand it, and they place it into mental and emotional categories that they understand. It’s a lot like a small child who takes a week to figure out that the square peg will only fit in the square hole. And until the knowledge that a square is a square, it’s something different. A rose by any other name…

Another reason is that they have a problem with whatever labels they think they see stuck all over others and themselves. For instance, go to any GLBT pride event and start a casual conversation with random strangers. Ask them how they label themselves. Even though they probably all are or know someone who is GLBT, many of them will not even remotely identify as GLBT, and thusly do not label themselves as such. If you ask my cousin what he is, he’ll say a computer programmer, not gay. When someone doesn’t conform to another person’s labels, that is, if you’re a round peg and they can’t put you into their triangular hole, they get angry or hateful. They try to force you to identify a certain way by labeling you the way they think you should be labeled.

This site helps us to remedy that by allowing people to self-identify and never makes us conform to any labels that BIID and the stigmas it is attached to creates. When it comes to labels, we all do it, but it seems that it only becomes a problem when the label doesn’t evolve with the human.

By: Bracer

Bracer — Thu, 24 May 2007 09:37:13 +0000

I have to agree with Ronald in what he says. MY experience is that pretenders often label themselves as BIID and that muddies the waters. Also where other BIID’s ask me how can I want what I need as it is too radical. One will have thought that the true BIID sufferer would understand and not judge.

Further, the emphasis on pics and fiction bores me as it brings me no closer to a solution.

In a few discussions with successful guys, I found it also brought no closure. The fact that they obtained their result at whatever cost, does not make me feel any better or closer to my own solution.

By: Ronald

Ronald — Thu, 24 May 2007 02:18:04 +0000

I can not say that this site has helped me deal with BIID, only because I was able to make peace with it and myself several years ago. Had this been one of the first sites I visited, then in all honesty I must answer a definate yes, it would have been a great help.

The exchange of ideas here is honest, and to the point. Too many of the other discussion groups seem only to function as a medium to exchange photos, fiction or phone numbers. This site is frequented by intelligent, mature adults. There appears to be no exclusion here, there is no emphasis on individuals personal desires, just discussion about what common threads tie us together. Among the contributors and comments I have refreshingly noticed a lack of individuals suffering from an obsession to be disabled. BIID is certainly not an obsession, it is much deeper than that.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 24 May 2007 00:27:53 +0000

I’m a (genuinely!) severely disabled person, and find your site very interesting. What I don’t understand is:*snip*
Hope you can answer my questions…

Comment removed as it was outside the scope of this blog entry. I will be writing a blog entry with the questions and answering them in the next few days. Sean

By: Claire

Claire — Wed, 23 May 2007 06:02:54 +0000

Brice!! Wow, it could not have been said any more clearly and succinctly.

Stumpy…stay tuned, more to come soon! Glad you enjoy those, thanks!

By: Stumpy

Stumpy — Wed, 23 May 2007 03:50:52 +0000

This site has helped me by being able to read about the experiences of other transabled people.
I especially like reading about Clair’s wheeling trips.

By: Brice

Brice — Tue, 22 May 2007 12:43:44 +0000

You are the philospher king of the transabled. Your generosity in putting up with the attackers and the lurkers makes the gift of self-acceptance available to those who receive it. Hang in there.

By: Sophie

Sophie — Tue, 22 May 2007 07:15:37 +0000

Transabled.org was a big help to me. It helped me to structure my TA thoughts better and seriously think about all of this. When I first created my website I was more curious about this whole community and when you first emailed me you brought me further into the community and helped me define myself a little better. Lol, you already know all of that.

By: Mouse

Mouse — Mon, 21 May 2007 17:43:18 +0000

This site has helped me, and I am glad it is here. From it’s humble beginnings, I am quite impressed by where it has gone.

I think however, there needs to be set forth another question related to yours.

To all of those people who say such and thus event, word, name, or person harms or helps “The Community”, my question is this. What exactly *IS* “The Community?”

what is a community? It is a sociological group united by a commonality. What is the commonality that unites us? It has something to do with disability, but what exactly? We aren’t so much a part of the disability community, we are more of a parrelel to

We are a sociological group - but of what exactly? What unites “us”? What is “us”? What is our agenda?

I have been involved here for years, and I don’t think I could really answer that question succinctly. Until we answer that question, we cannot answer whether or not a certain act or word harms or helps it.

By: inVivo

inVivo — Mon, 21 May 2007 13:23:51 +0000

This site has helped me in more than one way, I have understood myself more as I have been reading through the many posts here, I may not have BIID, but I have something very alike. Thanks for this site! Please keep it up!

By: Marie

Marie — Mon, 21 May 2007 06:23:40 +0000

It’s quite handy to have a community of “us” where we can vent and post. Yes, it’s helped.

By: rorschach

rorschach — Mon, 21 May 2007 06:13:00 +0000

Yes, this site has been a tremendous support to me. I don’t think of my feelings illegitimate or unworthy anymore. TA.org has helped me to see that it is O.K. to feel this way, and that I’m not alone. I’m getting teary just typing this (and I don’t cry easily mind you).

In all modesty, I’m continually impressed with your understanding and handling of the issues around TA and BIID. You’ve really legitimized the whole thing and made me proud to be the way that I am.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Mon, 21 May 2007 05:51:01 +0000

I agree to every word John has written. Thank you again, Sean. You know your site has helped me to find that I am not alone.

By: John

John — Mon, 21 May 2007 04:48:50 +0000

YES! This site has been a refuge from personal demons that I know I can’t talk about to anyone else. You have provided means for people like us to speak out and address what we want and feel.
Furthermore, Sean has worked hard to redefine and enlarge the understanding of what BIID means. I come here often to read Sean’s entries and the comments and the essays of others. Even when I don’t say anything, it always helps to read the thoughts on transabled.org.

By: Eric

Eric — Mon, 21 May 2007 04:02:57 +0000

This site has helped me more than any other out there. I have experienced only one issue, and that I think was related to the ISP. I couldn’t see portions of the postings because they were broken up into sections and some of the postings went off into the margins and could not be seen. This has since stopped and everything can be viewed.

I hope to make a lot of friends here and I am excited to continue to learn as time goes by.

By: Claire

Claire — Mon, 21 May 2007 02:34:06 +0000

This site has helped me tremendously. Until I found this site, I was alone with my strange desires. A post I read on this site led me to the Yahoo groups on BIID, where I first “came out”. Responses I received on those groups led me *back* here, and you and I became friends, and you invited me to post here. Not only have I been able to form friendships with other people who live with BIID, but I have made some of the closest and most meaningful friendships of my life. Though I have yet to meet any of these people, the level of understanding and intelligent exchange of ideas and experiences is deeper than most of the real life friendships I’ve ever had. Thanks to this site.