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Fake it ’till you believe it
Written by Sean on Thursday, July 19, 2007
My partner recently went out of town on a business trip. She was away for 4 and a half days, during which I did not have to guard myself. I was in the dumps, and did not have to hide it. She came back yesterday, and in the afternoon before I had to go get her at the airport, I put on my "happy face", I geared myself up to fake a good state of mind.
It’s not the first time I mention putting on a happy face . I do it all the time. In fact, I’ve been doing that since my mid-teens.
It doesn’t really work though. I am told that despair and joy are closely related and that if I can fake joy out of despair, it’ll happen for real, I’ll not be depressed anymore, and instead I’ll be happy. Ha!
It is somewhat possible to force oneself out of depression-related apathy, and part of that process is to smile and start doing things (like I started washing dishes, and laundry and changing the bed yesterday). But this fake it ’till you believe it "thing" is wrong, it isn’t possible.
And it eats you up inside, it takes a lot of energy you don’t really have, especially when you have to do it day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and yes, even decade after decade.
This fake happy demeanour shouldn’t fool your loved ones. It may fool your colleagues, or people at the supermarket. But people who know you well, they should see the distress in your eyes, shouldn’t they? Unless they chose to ignore it, or they are too focused on their own belly-button to see it.
And so I keep faking it, but I’m no believer yet.
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4 Comments
2 On 21 July, 2007, Claire said:
I know, I know. Except, luckily, I haven’t been doing it for decades. For me, it comes and goes, I have ups and downs.
No, faking it won’t make you believe it. You can stop faking, and allow the people around you to see how bad things are. I did that once and actually, things turned out for the better. Actually, I was forced into it. A good friend of mine sent an email to a family member about just how depressed I was. I was a bit angry at first, but in the end, that person did the right thing, because I got the help and support I needed at a time when I was unable to ask for that support myself. Things were better for quite a while, after that.
I think that the people that love you may have no idea what to do. We have to face the fact that either this is not a common condition or not commonly known, just as at one point we thought we were alone they may feel that they are the only person in the world who has a loved one with such “odd” feelings. I told my husband about my “self ditructive” feelings and he is still in the state of denial, because he doesn’t know what else to do. I know with out a doubt that he loves me and that he is not being self centered. It has to be hard to see someone you love have to make one of the “three choices” you discuss in your other writing. I think that they also have difficult choices to make and ignoring it at first seems like the best opption to them. I hope that at some point all of us can find our joy in life long enough to help relieve the pain.
Nope “Faking it till you believe it” is complete crap.
It actually comes from a new wave of Christanity. But it’s nothing to do with the Bible, infact the Bible makes it very clear that its very wrong to do this sort of stuff, its essentially living a lie, but you never hear the preachers mention this fact. (coz they’re making too much money from the suckers who fall for it)
Its basically a form of brain washing, so it does kinda work for those folk too stupid enough to not realise when they’re being conned i.e about 95% of the congregation.
Sean, i dont know who told you that despair and joy are closely related, but quite frankly they need their arse kicked for being such a pillock ! (was’nt me was it ?)
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1 On 20 July, 2007, Sophie said:
My parents are a sure fire example of close people who can be fooled. They want so badly for me to be normal that they’re willing to believe me when I put on my normal face.