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Home / Thoughts / Eureka moments and understanding the origin of issues

Eureka moments and understanding the origin of issues

Written by Sean on Wednesday, October 4, 2006

I’ve used the expression "Eureka moment" a few times before, in relation to therapy sessions. You know, the moment a miniature light bulb goes off in your head and you realise something or other. Suddenly, something makes sense. I had another one of those this afternoon in therapy. It’s good that most sessions I attend give me these insights.

It doesn’t mean I’m really any closer to fully understanding myself, not in any significant way, but I just had another small piece of a small puzzle come together and something made sense. But before I talk about that, I want to talk a little bit about the concept of "understanding an issue makes it go away". Well, it doesn’t always work. Sometimes it does, other times, it doesn’t.

For example, I was feeling aggrieved about something (unrelated to transability). When I started really thinking about where these feeling came from, the issues became clearer. I could see where these negative emotions came from. Understanding the origins of the feeling in relation to that particular situation allowed me to handle the situation much more easily. It made sense. I was able to find alternatives and options and felt more in control. This is a case where understanding where a problem comes from was 90% of fixing the problem in question.

But for me, in the case of Body Identity Integrity Disorder, it just doesn’t work that way. I used to think it would work, I used to hope that by getting to understand where my transabled feelings came from, I’d be able to find a magic wand to make them go away. A psychiatrist who interviewed some people who had BIID for a documentary said that "psychotherapy doesn’t do one bit of difference for those people". And I’d have to agree within reasons. It makes a difference in that gaining better understanding is usualy good. But understanding the issue does not help us solve it.

I know of only one person who has somewhat successfully managed to get passed her BIID, with help of therapy. But I don’t believe that was the only, nor even the main reason she was able to do it. There may be others, of course, but I’m not aware of them. Seems a pretty poor ratio of success.

That said, back to my "Eureka moment".

Archimedes, figuring out
something.

I was talking to my therapist about the fact I used to think that I wanted to be paraplegic to get more attention. I did use to think that at one point. In fact, I talk about that in an earlier post. I now understand that while a need for attention may be part of the greater picture, it is not at all the main reason why I "wannabe". In fact, to paraphrase another person who is transabled, "I’d rather be a paraplegic by myself in a room than able bodied in front of a crowd of thousands that would give me positive attention".

Going further along those lines, I am likely getting as much attention now "just" using a wheelchair, as I would receive if I were using the chair because I was actually paralysed. And if "all that attention" hasn’t cured me, it’s a pretty strong indicator that I’m not in this because I need attention.

But I wasn’t able to reconcile that with the fact that I do want people to perceive me as a paraplegic. In many ways, people’s perception of me is important. My therapist asked me if "perception" and "attention" were the same thing. And it dawned on me: Attention and perception are indeed different. I don’t need people to pay particular attention to me. But if they think of me in terms of my wheelchair usage, I’d rather they think of me as a paraplegic.

And so there it was, a small piece of a small part of a big puzzle that fell into the right place. At least *something* makes sense in this whole mess!

Tags: Transabled, Wheelchair, BIID, Therapy, Attention, Perception, Therapist

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