Comments on: Disapointment with my father http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm Talking about Body Integrity Identity Disorder - Just another disability! Sat, 10 Jan 2009 02:26:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7-beta2 hourly 1 By: T S http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13388 T S Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:15:03 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13388 I think your dad means well, which being an issue in its own, is a start. Maybe what really confused him was your reaction to his suggestion of you being crazy. My guess is he may have assumed that by accepting it as such, he thought you were approaching BIID differently. I don't think he will ever understand the need to become disabled. He most likely sees it as a negative thing simply because of its meaning. If you lack ability, he may be afraid that you'll lose something from life. If you ever get your surgery, kudos on being brave and achieving your dream. Hopefully then he'll see how happy it's made you, and while literally imparing you physically, it may heal you mentally. And mentallity is so much more important than the health of our bodies, because that's all we really have. I think your dad means well, which being an issue in its own, is a start.

Maybe what really confused him was your reaction to his suggestion of you being crazy. My guess is he may have assumed that by accepting it as such, he thought you were approaching BIID differently.

I don’t think he will ever understand the need to become disabled. He most likely sees it as a negative thing simply because of its meaning. If you lack ability, he may be afraid that you’ll lose something from life.

If you ever get your surgery, kudos on being brave and achieving your dream. Hopefully then he’ll see how happy it’s made you, and while literally imparing you physically, it may heal you mentally. And mentallity is so much more important than the health of our bodies, because that’s all we really have.

]]> By: Jen http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13374 Jen Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:04:22 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13374 Jake, a good point. However, if you show up at a family function in a chair, you can be pretty sure some questions will be asked. I admire Sean for telling his dad. I'm sorry for the pain he's going through and hope eventually his dad will accept him as Sean seems to have accepted his dad. Jake, a good point. However, if you show up at a family function in a chair, you can be pretty sure some questions will be asked.

I admire Sean for telling his dad. I’m sorry for the pain he’s going through and hope eventually his dad will accept him as Sean seems to have accepted his dad.

]]> By: Jake http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13368 Jake Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:30:00 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13368 In my opinion, it is wrong to tell anyone except your partner about BIID. It is clear that there isn't a simple understanding of it by those who don't experience it, thus why torture them with that burden. Unlike GID, no one ever has to know about BIID except your spouse. When it comes to partners, I think it is best to have dealt with BIID issues before committed relationships. However, this not being a perfect world, I haven't and others find themselves in this difficult situation as well. In my opinion, it is wrong to tell anyone except your partner about BIID. It is clear that there isn’t a simple understanding of it by those who don’t experience it, thus why torture them with that burden. Unlike GID, no one ever has to know about BIID except your spouse. When it comes to partners, I think it is best to have dealt with BIID issues before committed relationships. However, this not being a perfect world, I haven’t and others find themselves in this difficult situation as well.

]]> By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13363 Sean Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:59:55 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13363 Brice, three words: "Hope springs eternal" :) Brice, three words: “Hope springs eternal” :)

]]> By: Brice http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13362 Brice Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:34:56 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13362 Since that is so, and it does seem to be so, why maintain contact with someone with whom you can discuss nothing much more significant than the weather? Yes, he happens to be your father, and the biological tug will always be there, but it's evident he will never be your friend. Since that is so, and it does seem to be so, why maintain contact with someone with whom you can discuss nothing much more significant than the weather? Yes, he happens to be your father, and the biological tug will always be there, but it’s evident he will never be your friend.

]]> By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13351 Sean Mon, 21 Jan 2008 04:38:46 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13351 No Brice, I don't need his permission. I've abandonned that illusion a long time ago. What really hits though is that he made the right noises that he was interested in hearing about his son's life, when in the end, he just wants to hear what he wants to hear. <shrug> No Brice, I don’t need his permission. I’ve abandonned that illusion a long time ago. What really hits though is that he made the right noises that he was interested in hearing about his son’s life, when in the end, he just wants to hear what he wants to hear.

]]> By: Brice http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13350 Brice Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:29:12 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13350 But...if you never come to an understanding, or indeed if you have to cut ties, recognize that it's your life and not his, and that it's his problem and not yours. This is hard stuff, but there are times when one has to make difficult decisions in the interest of keeping sanity and living life in some measure of peace. You are an adult, you don't need his permission to take care of your problems. But…if you never come to an understanding, or indeed if you have to cut ties, recognize that it’s your life and not his, and that it’s his problem and not yours. This is hard stuff, but there are times when one has to make difficult decisions in the interest of keeping sanity and living life in some measure of peace. You are an adult, you don’t need his permission to take care of your problems.

]]> By: Jen http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm/comment-page-1#comment-13339 Jen Sun, 20 Jan 2008 14:10:44 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/disapointment-with-my-father.htm#comment-13339 I sympathize. For years, after deciding I would no longer be my mother's "parent" (making sure she had dr's appts, making sure she went, that she ate, etc etc when she was perfectly capable of doing these things herself), my mother still insisted she heard me say that she was not my mother. It was pointless to try to tell her that wasn't what I said. The damage she did when lashing out about it was so severe that I made sure I was never again left alone in a room with her. And I'm sorry to say this, but it was a relief when she died. I hope you and your dad can come to some understanding. I sympathize.

For years, after deciding I would no longer be my mother’s “parent” (making sure she had dr’s appts, making sure she went, that she ate, etc etc when she was perfectly capable of doing these things herself), my mother still insisted she heard me say that she was not my mother.

It was pointless to try to tell her that wasn’t what I said. The damage she did when lashing out about it was so severe that I made sure I was never again left alone in a room with her. And I’m sorry to say this, but it was a relief when she died.

I hope you and your dad can come to some understanding.

]]>