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Home / Thoughts / Depression vs. BIID

Depression vs. BIID

Written by Sean on Monday, September 4, 2006

Today was a "therapy day". These sometimes bear fruit, sometimes not. Sometimes it’s not too obvious what the result was. Often I don’t even broach the topic of body identity integrity disorder. Usualy, I have an idea of what I want to explore, I’ve done my "homework" from the week before. Today was a beautiful spring day, and I definitely felt scatter-brained. I don’t like feeling that way, perhaps I feel I need to be more in control than scatter-brain allows. Among the many things discussed today was the fact that I don’t believe depression and BIID are all that closely related.

Feeling scatter-brained.

It is interesting to work with a therapist who is willing to learn about this transabled "thing" I have. Her questions somehow make me re-think some ideas I’ve already had. I have to find ways to answer her as it relates to her questions, rather than have complete free-rein in this wee blog of mine that you’re reading. One thing led to another during our discussion, and she tried to phrase her question about how related depression and BIID are.

I explained that I don’t think that becoming a para would make depression go away. I further said that I didn’t think either that were I to be able to jettison depression, I’d let go of the transabled feelings as well. The two have definite ties, and they sometimes aggravate one another, but they aren’t cause and effect. My therapist made me consider when did depression start? The first memories I have of being depressed go back to when I was in my very early teens. The first memories related to being transabled go back to when I was about 3 years old. A few years later, when I was 6, my parents divorced, and gave me the choice of going to live with my father in Africa, or to remain with mother. I’m sure they meant well, giving me some control over my own life, but in retrospect, it was a heavy burden to put on a 6 year old, was it not? In any case, that’s not germaine to the discussion at hand, just a result of my scatter-brain going all over the place today.

We covered a lot of ground, somewhat superficially. Not necessarily bad. I think she is beginning to get a better image of "me". More to the point, with each meeting, I get a few more clues about myself. Today was considering when depression started, when the transabled feelings began, and today’s work seems to point me more firmly in the belief that depression and BIID are not closely related.

Of course, there may be a closer tie than that, and the two are just messing with me head, but that isn’t the conclusion arrived at with the information on hand.

[tags]Depression, BIID, Transabled, Therapist, Body+Identity+Integrity+Disorder, Blog[/tags]