transabled.org

Yup, that’s depression talking, alright. :o( I think it’s important to talk about how other issues in our life (like depression) affect our BIID. How bad it can get. So thanks for this post, even though it wasn’t the most pleasant to read and you’re unlikely to get many comments on it. It’s another piece of the puzzle, and helps to complete the picture. You know I’m here, if you need to talk. *hugs*

yes, I know this so well, but my doctors say, nope, you are not depressed. More than 30 years never been what I feel I´ve should been, and no hope for change, I know this sucks, and tires so much. Thanks for sharing you´re thoughts.

Hmm..what if you did kill yourself..ever think of what happens after you die?
Its to bad no one ever came back from the dead ..and wrote a book about what is beyond death. Wait..I am ‘wrong’ some people have actually expreianced death ..and have commented about it .
(A few years back) I saw a TV program..Where a reporter researched ‘Transcripts’ taken from various Hospital emergency ward archives (about people who were shot or in serious car accidents,and who were clinicly dead)..then somehow came back to life.
Zombies perhaps ?
The reporter caught up with some of these folks who died ..and asked them a series of questions.
Peolpe who commented ..had no contact with any outsiders before..nor had known any of the other ‘Vics’
Many of the temporarily dead ..reported having the ’similar’ experiances ? Wierd..
One story I liked ..was about a child who drowned in a frozen lake..The little girl was around 14 and she was under the 15ft. of water in frozen ice lake for almost ½ hour,before being pulled out.
The medical experts were shocked after she was out of the water and recovered..as one paramedic somehow got her to breath again after she was rescued !
This caused great alarm..she was alive ..how could this be possible ..they all wondered ?
Oh well they thought..her brain will be dead ..whats the use ?So- The Doc’s hooked her up to life support at the ER. The staff then called her parents and told them..the little girls body temp. dropped very low ..she was brai dead ..please Id the little girl? They warmed her up with a blood transfusion..thinking she will not have any brain function..but decieded to try it anyway ..until the parents came by ?
Yet low and behold..as the parents came in expecting the worst ..(the little girl said she was dreaming and then heard her parents voices in her dreams)she woke up and began to ask people where she was !?
It was a miracle..or was it ?
What had happened to this little girl was beyond scientific explanation ! When she was drowned and under water so long -this became the subject of a very intense medical study .
There is also the Tiebetan Book of the dead..its is a ancient text which describes various stages of death..and gives advice to the living about how to support the die’ing one? So you think you would like to kill yourself ..?
I personally know a 50yr. women who jumped off the SF bridge,now thats the way to go !
So you think you have 30 years more left of life ..based on the fact you have already suffered 30 years? Well- how do you know Sean..you won’t die tommorrow ..if may I ask ?
Whats the point of wasting these past 30 years ‘wanting something’ that life doesn’t seem to want to give you ..and then decieding on being unhappy after you are fed up with waiting 30 years..expecting the future the be more of the same?
Give us a break..
After all its our decesion to be unhappy as well as be happy ?
Ever notice how great it feels to get something you have always wanted..its a really great feeling when this happens!
Like recieving a sunny day or some sweets !Wow its great..also recieving
My first set of legs braces..what a exciting event for me !
The feeling stays with you for awhile..then later all the excitment drops off . The mind then starts to want something else..to give it the same feeling as before the same high feeling !
So I got another set of braces..
Wow ..2 pairs of kafos..now what about a wheelchair ?
Well ..I have this now too..then what about a RGO ?
Better yet..why not get myself medically paralyzed ? On and On it goes..it never seems to end..
This is the wheel you are on..and this is the wheel everyone is is on as well !
Differant rats involved in differant races ..where to escape ? All you will find is a bunch of new rats somewhere else..on another type of wheel !
If you follow all this logically..escape from desire isn’t possible !
The only thing that can set anyone free..is to experiance/and be able to give unconditional acceptance and love.
Also..try to learn how to reduce mental activity ?
My God you have been going absolutly mental for the past 30 years ..about being transabled ..don’t you ever give yourself a break from all this ..just 15 minutes !?
In time all material/physical things fade anyway(my braces need repairs ..just as my car needs the oil changed) ..If you base your happiness on being crippled/ or your car not ever rusting..of course happines is not going to happen in the way that you will be free of constantly wanting..?
I mean how can fufilling ones personal small personal desires..ever bring anyone the ultimate experiance of love and happiness and freedom ?
If all you do all day..is spend time thinking about your small personal desires ..you will never be happy ! Happiness is not based recieving its more about giving..(although when you get something you want) ..Yeah it feels good..Damn straight it does! Eventually this type of happiness leads one to fustration..unless you learn to give something back ..the happiness you get from fulfilling your tiny wishes will eventually make you deeply unsatisfied and backfire.
You must wonder how I know this..hehe?
Temporarily..’Yes’ you will ge happy if you are parlyzed..but believe this in time unhappiness will return.
So..yeah right ! You say you are not going to kill yourself..or do anything stupid ? I don’t believe you really looked into this subject of stupidity enough..look into a mirror lately ..see anyone you don’t feel happy with ?
Its really stupid to go around in leg braces or a wheelchair when you don’t have to ..(I’m saying this from my own life experiance.)
So why add to your sense of suffering ..by bringing in extra negative thinking about pretending to be crippled is not enough to make you happy?
Depression is something all human beings go threw..Just look at all the suicide bombers in the middle east ? Do you think when someone deciedes to kill others by sacraficing themselves in the name of Allah..(they do it because they are happy ?) I don’t think so..there is no paradise in killing innocent people;and likewize there is no ‘Para’dise in parlyzing yourself either ..!
To me’wanting to be paralyzed’ is only unhappiness covered over by something that looks like happiness ? Its Like ”dog shit” covered by ice cream ?Yes its a tricky situation..if you look only at the surface ..in the BIID mind being paralyzed is good like ice cream ..
‘Wake up’ life is hard all around the world..many people don’t earn enough money to eat.
After the ice cream melts a bit..the shit comes out ..
People are dieing of disease and war..all over the world !
Some Black Rapper in the USA shows off his millionaire Diamond necklace..doesn’t this guy know these trinkets are Blood Diamonds ?Miners die mining them ,and the jewels later are sold on the black market in Africa..
Whats so beautiful about Diamonds !
Have you ever asked your true self..
Where does this constant wanting to be paralyzed come from ?
One begins to see ..the action of wanting something comes from ‘thought’ ..the energy of desiring and thinking comes from the mind.So-
wanting is actually a thinking based activity..wannbe this to happen or wannabe something else to occur is fine as long as you are not a slave to it ? Why God doesn’t answer peoples prayers ..its been many years now and still no delivery of what they need to be happy ? Oh Bo Ho Ho..I hear somone crying the words ‘God’ I want to kill mself..rather then have to live as you made me ?
I mean who believes in God anyway..!
Hello-Hello Cyber world this is God !Sorry - I’m busy as hell (oh excuse my language) there are billions of requests everyday-please wait your turn please..I’ll paralyze you A:S:A:P give or take 50 years ..the list is so long I can’t promise it won’t take more time..Hang in there ! Also if you can’t wait any longer ..I’ll make steellegs69 bug you by sending one of his stupid messages..!
So read this and be patient until I can get to your request ?
Now where was I..? Oh Yes..Listen here people ”The mind is a poor Master”..
Now Hear this !! The mind sometimes makes us slaves of our desires .
If you want to get rid of BIID..stop being a slave to your mind . Hey- the reason why the world is in such a damn mess..is because people are slaves to thier desires.
How to get free of this..all the problems of the world are connected to this subject?
When we are hungry we think of food..actually we think of food quite a lot 3/day ..then there is sex(gotta do that one 3.5/week) ..and of course money.
When you are not busy with wanting to be paralyzed..the mind is often busy on these other subjects .
Hey why not connect BIID with sex..good idea get 2 birds with one stone !
This constant activity of analyzing..brings stress .
I know a person who is worth over 20 million dollars in real estate in California.
He is very rich..but he always worries about his assets and his money ..and the fact he is getting older ..
I have a friend who is poor..he always worries how he will eat ..pay his bills ..what will happen to him when he gets older.
The man who is a millionaire ..tried to kill himself a few years ago..because he was so depressed .
My friend who is poor also goes nuts (at the end of the month)as welfare never leaves him with enough money to live on..
the funny thing is both these guys live in the same house.
Differant situations ..but still the same result..they have both seriously wished to kill themselves.
The poor guy I know-when he speaks to the rich man often dreams of money..and how he would like to have some of the rich fellows money..The rich fellow spends a lot of his time in therapy as well .
To me..if you don’t understand the nature of the mind..you are just like all the billions of other unhappy crazy people in the world ..whose primary concern in life is feeding themselves and fulfilling all thier tiny wants and needs .
I mean nothing wrong with doing that..yet don’t expect real happiness will come from it .
Maybe its better to kill yourself after all ?
Sorry this was so long !

Maybe its better to kill yourself after all ?

FUCK you!! What the hell kind of thing is that to say to someone. Get a life, asshole.

Steellegs

You wrote:

Whats the point of wasting these past 30 years ‘wanting something’ that life doesn’t seem to want to give you ..and then decieding on being unhappy after you are fed up with waiting 30 years..expecting the future the be more of the same?
Give us a break..
After all its our decesion to be unhappy as well as be happy ?

I did not “suddenly” decide to be unhappy. I have been depressed since my early teens.

If it was as easy as flicking a switch to be happy or unhappy, I’d have done it. You’ll sprout some crap about the power of the mind, and all that. I’ve read the books too. Doesn’t work.

And it’s not about a race to “whom gets the most toys wins”.

You apologise for being “so long”. You always ramble on, you rarely make much sense.

But in view of your comment about “better to kill myself after all”, I would *really* appreciate if you abstained from posting on my blog entries. I don’t usualy censor comments, but I might have to.

I have read the long note that someone wrote and it seems to me that there are some things–though small–inside there that make sense.

One of them is obvious just by looking at it: We are all a little bit crazy, even if we don’t show it. Whomever this is took a lot of time and put a lot of energy into writing a comment to a stranger, and perhaps that was a well-intentioned endeavor. What has happened is plain to see. The person offended a potential friend and ally. Don’t exactly know what to make of it… there’s a lot of something in there, and yet it seems, little substance.

That’s not to say, however, that the words written in the long reply can’t do anything for anyone on here. The truth is that there is something to be learned from the way we judge ourselves and others. I learned a long time ago that my own happiness cannot be dependent on anyone but me. I do not “choose” to be unhappy, as the remark claims, but I do “choose” how I respond to the world around me. And if I choose not to do anything to change my world, then I choose to take on the consequences or benefits of that decision. In the end, it’s less about others and more about me. And without that knowledge, we all would make many more mistakes in life.

However, if someone feels so distraught that they attempt suicide (which I did twice, by the way, so I know what the hell I am talking about), it is never about the thing everyone sees, but the stuff no one ever knows about. Stuff like this. Stuff like BIID and Gender Identity Disorder, or homosexuality, or a learning disability, or a schizophrenic history. So, a message to whomever wrote that tediously random note to Sean, take a moment and look around your own world. Notice the changes you impart not only upon yourself but upon the lives of others. Are those changes made with love or with bullets? Do you show kindness with your words, or do you batter with them? Is your life total perfection, or do you just think it is?

No one on here really cares one way or the other whether you post or not. What matters is being respectful and taking the time to think about what you write before you put it out there for everyone to see, and especially for the guy whose site you have just defamated. Thanks for being so hasty. Occasionally life gives us lemons, and I do believe that from this, Sean will make lemonade.

Than you Eric for being so much more eloquent than I was. :o)

I wish I were as far along as some of you. I don’t own any of the “toys” that might make my life a little more bearable. But even so, I do know what it’s like to feel like life can’t get worse, and to hit rock bottom. Not many can say that they did it twice and rebounded from both. I am not proud of it, because it doesn’t say much for you when you have a history of giving up, but it does let me help others know that they are not alone.

Sean, you’re not alone. Don’t mistake this for making light of what you’re feeling right now, but it’s never as bad as it seems. Wait a while. The feeling will pass.

As for the random kindness of strangers on this site, you’ve all been very kind to me as I grow into understanding myself. Thank you for that.

Sean, please keep on writing and sharing, it helps to know one is not alone, and I greatly appreciate you´re work here, thanks! Know you are not alone.

The last thing someone in depression needs is the kind of lecture you got. Just adds to the emotional burden that causes it in the first place. Hang in there Sean, work it out step by step, at your own pace and in your own way.

Eric, and I know the feeling of not being “as far along” as some of the others. In fact I feel like I missed out on 10 years of my life, as I found out about this nearly 10 years ago, and hid it and repressed it and was ashamed of it for all thise time. Meanwhile, I missed a kind of “Goldent Age” when there was a big explosion of transabled people and pretenders coming out on the Internet. It’s slowed down now. I could have been part of that, and instead I was in hiding. However, it’s never too late. It wasn’t a month from the day I “came out” to the day I first sat in my own wheelchair, and I’ve never looked back.

When you break it all down..its all about fulfilling ones personal desires.
Desire is the gasoline that drives the mind crazy !When you are unhappy and you put gasoline onto the problem..there is a explosion !Boom..
Certian ideas are ingrained in peoples minds like stones set in cement since childhood .You indentify with the past..and thus prevent change from taking place in your life today.

There are many ways to kill yourself..some do it slowly by pursing unhealthy life styles..others get depressed ..and jump off a bridge !
Some try to cripple themselves and fail..
Some join the military or do dangerous stunts that excite them !
Others take drugs ..?
Its your choice to identify and interpert all the rubbish that floats around in your mind ..In school its called education.
I call it programing..
Mental programing dictates many of peoples daily actions..
Its easier for some to say Fuck you to me..then to look at thier own problems and mental programing.
Maybe I should say..now now ?
Give all this touchy feely ..fuzzy wuzzy sentimental sirrup..type of advice ?
Its better I write the”poor fellow” who wants to kill himself ..please reconsider ?Life is short ..
While others struggle to live and to make positive contributions in this life..some here want to throw thier lives away ..because thier desires to be crippled are not fulfilled .
Dosen’t anyone find this carzy ..? I sure do..!
Sorry if anyone gets insulted..by my mentioning it !
For some sucess in life means becoming America’s next top model..for others it running around crying out in public..that they want to be crippled . In the end..not everyone gets what they want in thier life..
Just accept it and get on with it people!

Maybe Claire never got enough love in her life..and has to take her anger out on me to make her feel good ..?
Her comment is childish..it says nothing to me..
Who says any of you have to read what I posted anyway..but obviously some did take the time ?I wonder why..?
The reason some may read my posting is many of you are depressed..is so obvious !
Maybe being angry at me makes some of you forget your unhappiness ?
If so ”great”..start screaming at me some more !
Yet ..Truthfully ..I won’t be listening and taking it seriously ..I have heard it all before ..
I never put down anyone because they are unhappy..
I want everyone to be happy..
When someone comes along here and tries to point out why unhappiness may be so ..there is often this knee jerk reaction..of rage ,of feeling insulted !
Jesus insulted a lot of Jews you know(when het tried to help them)..look at how they thanked him..they nailed that sucker on a piece of wood ..and hung him out to dry !
Also..
Look at what happened to ole Doc’ First ..people ganged up on him..sending him all this hate mail .
A few got his message..but most wanted to string him up..
I am not trying to be like Jesus..after all looked at what he got for trying to help people .
No sir ..I have no relegion and thas a fact . I have no politics either..haha . If I am a idiot..its ´because’ of my mental programing !
Maybe there is a reason why not many proffessional people come around here so much..? Many here would hang’em out to dry !
If the truth is insulting I say ’so be it’..I make no apologies .
Many here are in emotional quicksand ..and the more they try to get free ..the more sink a bit deeper into unhappiness.
After all the years this web sight has been up..I don’t see much improvement !
Yes its God Damn difficult have BIID.. but so is not having anything fucking thing to eat !
Which is worse people ?..No food/or being told you have a terminal disease..? Sooo..oh why is not being crippled a problem ?
Many people get angry when reality comes along and destroys thier dreams ..
I am used to making people angry ..Its my life experiance ..that when you tell a child its dangerous to cross the street in traffic..they throw a tantrum .
Its also because like many of you I also have mental programming ..only that I am aware of it and many here are not !
Eventually some here will grow up..others will end up ‘babbling 4 letter expletive deletives’ for the next 30 years ..in order to avoid looking at thier problems directly .

Thanks, Claire, for your recent post. I do appreciate not feeling alone. This site absolutely helps.

Something junky is happening here. In a place like this, that is open to everyone, one feels like they can say anything. The problem is that not everyone thinks about what they say before they say it. And it is clear this has happened here. Attacking others is the way some people feel better about themselves. It’s a bully’s way. It’s too bad. I encourage those who regulate this site to remove such postings that denegrate others. It’s not fair to those who come here in peaceful friendship to have to read the words of someone who is neither peaceful nor friendly.

There is a difference between censorship and enforcing Terms of Usage rules.

I’m just so glad steel legs has all the answers for everyone.

If growing up means I end up thinking in the gobbldygook that steellegs puts on here, then let me remain a child.