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Dangling in front of me nose
Written by Sean on Friday, January 25, 2008
I’ve said this before. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to continue in a body that doesn’t feel like mine. This is paraphrasing someone in a documentary. But it is so true, it applies to me most definitely. Right now, BIID is strong. Heck, it’s always strong, who am I trying to kid? But still. And I feel powerless.
Some of the readers might accuse me of bitching and moaning and doing nothing about it. Thing is, there’s really nothing to do about it.
But I recently heard of an elusive surgeon in some third world country. This sounds almost too good to be true. The contact person seems to have dropped off the face of the earth without responding (m)any of my questions. Red flags waving. Can’t build up hopes, but it’s so tempting to let myself hope against hope.
And a recent note on one of the Yahoo! groups mentionned there are other surgeons available as well, but I have not heard more. I’ll see if that’s info I find any more trustworthy.
But then, I’m thinking, these surgeries are gonna cost an arm and a leg (pun intended). We’re talking thousands of dollars, tens of thousands even. Money I don’t have. I unfortunately go from paycheck to paycheck. It’s impossible to find that kind of money when you’re doing subsistance living. And it’s not like I could start fundraising on this site, asking everyone to donate a few hundreds as a thank you for having run this site so long. Though that would be tempting, of course. But then, if there’s a surgeon out there, you’re likely to need every penny you can gather to pay for your own surgery, aye?
So I am facing the very real possibility of an increased frustration, getting that much closer to having a viable option, but not having the funds to do so! Damn! It’s not like I can print my own money. Well, I could but it would be more likely to land me in jail than to pay for surgery. Bah!
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3 Comments
Well, unless you find a doctor like Dr. Nick from The Simpsons, I’m not really surprised. But obviously that doesn’t make this “something out of your reach” feeling sting any less… Again, that really brings up the ethical debate about whether having the surgery would actually do the patient more good than harm.
3 On 26 January, 2008, Sean said:
Gordo, it’s not an ethical debate that. The question about whether surgery would be beneficial or not is one that can be resolved through a fairly simple study: Provide surgery to 50 patients, study them pre-surgery and post-surgery and you’ll be able to tell if it worked or not. The ethical debate is quite a separate debate. I think that it comes down to the difference between “can we resolve BIID symptoms with surgery?” and “should we resolve BIID symptons with surgery?”. I believe we *can* do it, and a study would prove (or disprove) that. The ethical debate is about *should* we.
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1 On 25 January, 2008, Marie said:
Best of luck, hope the surgeon is real (and inexpenive!)