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Cross-post by request (or, why is BIID so repulsive?)
Written by Claire on Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I posted something on Paradevo today and was subsequently begged by Sean to make it into a post on Transabled (I think he was miffed that I posted there and haven’t been posting here!). So here it is, my answer to the question of why is it that everyone thinks BIID is so repulsive, as posted at PD:
First of all, THANK YOU for your honesty. Although it hurt, I do appreciate your honesty and your attempts to understand. That means a lot. I think it’s cool that you care enough to ask the question.
I guess now is a good time to bring up how uncomfortable *I* am bringing up BIID-related stuff on this board. Yes, I do it all the time, because for me devoteeism is so intricately tied up with BIID that I have a very hard time separating the two, I can hardly talk about dev stuff without something about BIID being involved. I know I’m not the only one, and people on this board have confessed to me things that they don’t want everyone to know, although in the female population the combination of the two seems to be a very, very small minority. Overall though, it’s very common among devotees - so I firmly believe there is a strong link.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m welcome here…and yet, I *am* a dev, and where else can I talk about dev things? All that to say that every time I mention something about BIID, I kind of cringe, wondering what people are going to think, or how they’re going to respond. It can be construed as off-topic, and yet it’s tied up to my experience as a dev. And I know there are others, though I’m the only one saying…but if that’s the case, then I feel I need to speak for those who can’t, for whatever reason, speak for themselves. There’s always this feeling of not really belonging, and would everyone prefer that I just go away? Yeah, that’s probably more than you wanted to know about my inner insecurities but it does have to do with your question about why everyone has such a hard time with it. You have a hard time with it…*I* have a hard time with it.
I have met wheelers here who are totally fine with it. They are finer with it than I am. I’m invited to go wheeling with them! Most (not all) are the ones who have always been disabled, who were "born with it", which is interesting. And yet even these guys will (mostly) not be openly supportive of me if something comes up in public where I could use a little support. It’s okay to say things to me privately, to support me privately, but to be seen publicly to be in favor of pretenders and BIID…not so much. I gotta admit, it hurts.
Why do people have such a hard time with it? I think it’s because people view disability as a negative. You might think you don’t…you might be a dev, or disabled, or anyone else who is in favor of disability rights. But in the end, deep down, subconsciously even, disability is a negative, it’s an undesirable human state, no one wants it, because it’s bad, it’s wrong, and against the natural order of things to have a body that doesn’t function properly. Disabled is not "normal". It’s inconvenient. It inconveniences others. It weakens the pack. It is unattractive, it looks weak, it’s "survival of the fittest" in our deepest subconscious. Yes, you may be attracted to paralyzed limbs but would you, yourself feel that your own paralyzed limbs were attractive? So, we live with this inside of us. YES - we overcome these things because we have a higher cognitive function that is able to do that (important point). But deep inside, it’s still there buried in our instinct. So along comes someone who desires this "abnormal" state. You’re a dev and you’re repulsed that someone would want to be voluntarily disabled. You’re a para, and you’re disgusted that someone would want to be a para. I believe that in the end, peoples’ reactions to BIID reflect their deepest inner feelings about disability. If you’re disgusted that someone would want to be a para…then what is that really saying about what you really feel about paraplegia? If it disgusts you, then you have to be seeing paraplegia as a negative, on some level. If paraplegia were a positive, or neutral, then the idea that someone would want to be a paraplegic would leave you feeling positive or just neutral.
I’m not saying that paraplegia is a positive. I’m not saying that these instincts are wrong. Objectively, paraplegia is not to be desired. Objectively, it sucks. Objectively, no one should want this. That’s why BIID is a mental illness. Because we abnormally desire (intensely!) an abnormal and undesirable state.
Often, people will come around to being OK with BIID because with reflection and a desire to understand their higher cognitive functions will kick in that allow them to see it from a more intellectual and humanistic point of view. Sometimes the only reason people don’t come around is because they’re afraid of what everyone else will think: personally they are okay with it, but they’re still afraid of being openly okay with it. Sometimes they don’t come around because of issues with pretenders taking up resources, which is a totally different issue from why BIID in and of itself is so repulsive. Sometimes they don’t come around because they are simply unable to intellectually overcome their instinctual feelings that disability is a negative.
As for Gender Identity Disorder, I think it’s easier to understand because, while they desire a different physical state like we do, they are still desiring a "normal" physical state. There’s nothing "wrong" with being female, so it’s easier to accept a male wanting to be female than it is to accept a male wanting to be a paraplegic. FWIW, I believe there’s a link between the two, because there are a lot of transsexuals who are also transabled (not a scientific study, just a personal observation).
So, those are my thoughts. I may be way off base, I don’t know. Or I may be partly right but there’s more to it. But, it’s what I think. I would be very interested to you YOUR thoughts (and anyone else’s) and am okay with a frank discussion about it.
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9 Comments
2 On 13 February, 2008, Claire said:
I know you weren’t miffed, I was just joking. ;o)
That post was more or less on target. One of the reasons why I haven’t outed myself to any family members is that my family members have strong opinions about what constitutes as negative. They appear to be “okay” with things that they consider abnormal, including not only disabilities but also things like race, religion, orientation, etc., but if they found out that I wanted to join any of those things, they would absolutely freak out. This isn’t just a guess either, because I’ve heard them rag mercilessly on gays, other races, etc.
If they perceive those things as “wrong” (even though, for example, people of other races may perceive my family’s race as equally “wrong”), then it’s even tougher to sell the idea of BIID to them.
Sorry if that’s off-track, but that post really is a bit accurate in many more ways.
“I believe that in the end, peoples’ reactions to BIID reflect their deepest inner feelings about disability. If you’re disgusted that someone would want to be a para…then what is that really saying about what you really feel about paraplegia?”
I understand this- over and over, the concept of BIID comes up within the Deaf community and without doubt, almost all people express disgust and discomfort at the thought that someone would -want to be like us-.
It baffles me that we can both be proud of who we are yet also consider deafness an undesired state, one which attempting to obtain is “crazy.”
I’m pretty sure the same applies to other disability communities… how can one argue that their disability is a respectable trait and at the same time be repulsed by the thought of wanting it?
5 On 15 February, 2008, Sean said:
Aleser, thank you for your comments. It’s good to see some people with disabilities reading and interacting on this site :) One of my aim with transabled.org is to create more communication between those who have BIID and those who have other impairments (setting aside the question of whether or not Deafness is an impairment/disability) ;)
You’ve pretty much said what I intended to say in my Open Letter: http://transabled.org/thoughts/open-letter-to-the-disability-community.htm
First, I simply hope I wont end up overstaying my welcome. Sometimes, it’s hard to show the difference between interest and just being creepy over the internet. Neurodiversity (heck, diversity in general, too)as it exists in a largely un-noticed and unseen disability population (those with BIID) is quite fascinating. I hope nobody doesn’t mind me observing this. If you do, I shall exit the electronic door.
Second, I strongly consider deafness a disability. As a purely personal belief, I find the rejection of the highly accurate title “disabled” to be nothing more than the implication that disability is an unacceptable state. If we don’t believe that being disabled is okay, how will we ever convince anyone else that we’re okay? Heh.
7 On 16 February, 2008, Claire said:
Aleser, thank you for taking the time to post. I appreciate your thoughts. Far from overstaying your welcome, I wish more people with disabilities would take the time to talk with us and try to understand us. Being accepted by the disability community at large is EXTREMELY important to me. I need to fit in, I need to be able to share experiences, I want acceptance, equality. It’s people like you who care enough to want to bridge the gap between our two communities who are going to be able to help us do just that. Honestly, we need more advocates within the disability community. Thank you for being here, and you are MORE than welcome to stick around. :o)
8 On 17 February, 2008, Sean said:
Yeah, what Claire said ;)
I was going to make a horrible joke, saying “hear hear”, but I don’t know you quite well enough yet ;)
I’d add to Claire’s welcome that there are no offensive questions if you genuinely want to learn about BIID.
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1 On 13 February, 2008, Sean said:
I wasn’t miffed at all. I thought your post on Paradevo was most excellent and would greatly benefit the readership on this site :) Thank you for posting here.