Comments on: Compass Pointing South http://transabled.org/thoughts/compass-pointing-south.htm Talking about Body Integrity Identity Disorder - Just another disability! Sat, 10 Jan 2009 00:53:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7-beta2 hourly 1 By: Claire http://transabled.org/thoughts/compass-pointing-south.htm/comment-page-1#comment-14328 Claire Mon, 07 Apr 2008 23:37:32 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/compass-pointing-south.htm#comment-14328 I have <a href="/thoughts/telling-a-lie-to-live-your-own-truth.htm" rel="nofollow">agonized much over this</a> myself. My way to live a lie is to make it the truth, or as close to the truth as I possibly can. I cannot tell the full truth (to most people) because most people do not understand this and their negative attitudes cause me a lot of anxiety. And it is also none of their business. So over time I've come to a kind of compromise where what I say is the truth, and yet the way I say it lets them come to their own conclusion about what I mean about it. An example is when they ask me why I'm in the chair. I will say that I have a neurological condition. BIID is a neurological condition, and that is what I mean, but usually the person asking will think that I mean MS or something along those lines. If pressed for the exact name and nature of the neurological condition I give the name of another neurological condition that I actually do have, but which doesn't affect my mobility. I realize that I'm not being entirely honest, but on one hand, these people are not really entitled to the whole truth which is very personal and private. On the other hand, what I am saying is indeed the truth, just not the full truth. I have agonized much over this myself. My way to live a lie is to make it the truth, or as close to the truth as I possibly can. I cannot tell the full truth (to most people) because most people do not understand this and their negative attitudes cause me a lot of anxiety. And it is also none of their business. So over time I’ve come to a kind of compromise where what I say is the truth, and yet the way I say it lets them come to their own conclusion about what I mean about it. An example is when they ask me why I’m in the chair. I will say that I have a neurological condition. BIID is a neurological condition, and that is what I mean, but usually the person asking will think that I mean MS or something along those lines. If pressed for the exact name and nature of the neurological condition I give the name of another neurological condition that I actually do have, but which doesn’t affect my mobility. I realize that I’m not being entirely honest, but on one hand, these people are not really entitled to the whole truth which is very personal and private. On the other hand, what I am saying is indeed the truth, just not the full truth.

]]> By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/compass-pointing-south.htm/comment-page-1#comment-14327 Sean Mon, 07 Apr 2008 23:25:51 +0000 http://transabled.org/thoughts/compass-pointing-south.htm#comment-14327 The concept of "truth" is an interesting one. Your truth - that you need to be deaf - is probably hard to take for your loved ones. I have often said we have to tell a lie to live our truth. I have to lie about the reason I use a wheelchair in order to be able to live my truth, that I should be a wheelchair user. This does create some really difficult ethical issues. Your parents probably don't need to know. I told my parents when I was in my early 20's. It was a mistake at the time. They are slowly coming around, but it took 20 years of heartache, pain and frustration. However, your partner, I think you should tell her (I assume it's a her). This is too big a part of us to hide from our loved ones. Plus, consider, the longer you go hiding this from her, the harder it'll be to come out and tell her. And if you don't tell her, you are risking her feeling her trust was broken when it finally comes to light, and it will. If it doesn't, it simply means you'll be denying yourself and repressing and growing more miserable as the time goes. I could, of course, be wrong ;) The concept of “truth” is an interesting one. Your truth - that you need to be deaf - is probably hard to take for your loved ones.

I have often said we have to tell a lie to live our truth. I have to lie about the reason I use a wheelchair in order to be able to live my truth, that I should be a wheelchair user.

This does create some really difficult ethical issues.

Your parents probably don’t need to know. I told my parents when I was in my early 20’s. It was a mistake at the time. They are slowly coming around, but it took 20 years of heartache, pain and frustration.

However, your partner, I think you should tell her (I assume it’s a her). This is too big a part of us to hide from our loved ones. Plus, consider, the longer you go hiding this from her, the harder it’ll be to come out and tell her. And if you don’t tell her, you are risking her feeling her trust was broken when it finally comes to light, and it will. If it doesn’t, it simply means you’ll be denying yourself and repressing and growing more miserable as the time goes.

I could, of course, be wrong ;)

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