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Brunch with Mum
Written by Sophie on Friday, February 29, 2008
Mum and I went into town today to have lunch. We ended up having one of those conversations where Mum talked about all the personality traits I inherited from Dad, and my similarities I have with her. It was a good long conversation.
She told me about a couple who were starting to seriously struggle financially because their quad son had slipped through the cracks of the health system years ago and it is starting to show it’s strain on the parents. I know already that this is my parents understanding of who a wheelchair user is and this isn’t necessarily the truth.
My Mum then asked me if I was over “that transabled thing”. I was honest with her and said “I’m still struggling with it Mum but I know that you and Dad will never understand it so the most I can do is just leave it there and not burden you with it”. She seemed to accept this answer. I didn’t tell her that I was still transabled, but I didn’t tell her I was “over it” either. I’m always wondering if there is any sort of a hope with my parents because I know they love me and they want to be a part of my life, I’ve come to appreciate that more and more as time has worn on. I guess all I can do is sit there and wait and see, there’s no point in trying to orchestrate anything.
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5 Comments
I’m not transabled Sophie, but we have much in common and I can empathise with that. I lost my legs when I was eighteen in an accident which my mother still blames me for. She can’t stand the sight of me in a wheelchair and when we meet I always have to wear prosthatics. My sister, who has stood up for me for all these years, is always held up to me as an example of what I should have become. I should be providing her with grandchildren and she’s mad as hell that I’m not. Sophie, there are just some people who will never understand your condition but there are others who do eventually see the world from your perspective. I just hope that sense prevails. Good luck.
Unfortunately, I am afraid to say that, one day a couple years ago, my dad found some research (before I knew about this site, thankfully) while going through my history folder, and, while admitting he remembered being told about it, it was plain he didn’t want to hear about it. Even now, he tries his hardest not to hear about it.
I am afraid he will never be able to come to terms with it. Sad, isn’t it.
4 On 25 March, 2008, Claire said:
Wow, Ceri, I wish I had seen your post earlier. It’s always very touching to me when people with disabilities care enough about our plight to post kind things here. Thank you. It means a lot to me and I know to others as well.
I am saddened by your mother’s reaction to your disability. :o(
Claire, we’re all in the same boat. Biid is as much a disability as the one I have, and we still have these stupid people to contend with. If you want to write to me I’m sure that Sean will give you my Email address.
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1 On 29 February, 2008, Sean said:
My mother is finally appearing to come to terms with BIID. She’s asking insightful questions, and willing to listen to the answers. She’s known about my BIID for 20 years or so. It takes a hell of a lot of time.