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Home / Thoughts / Being there

Being there

Written by Sean on Sunday, November 5, 2006

I was musing the other day on how important it is to be there for friends, and how important it is to be able to share things with friends. When I’ve travelled alone, I’ve always felt… Well, alone, you know? It’s enjoyable, but you need to be able to share the moments with *someone*. And when it comes to most things in life, you hope that the someone you’re sharing with gets it. Particularly when it comes time to share transabled related things, you want someone who gets it, somewhat.

Friends together, sharing
experiences.

I was recently "privileged" to be present in a way at Claire’s first experience sitting in her own wheelchair. I wasn’t *there*, being several hundred and thousand miles away. But I was there, in spirit, and on chat. And it was good. It was good for me to be present, it reminded me of my own experiences when I got my first chair, but at the time, I was all alone, I had no one to share it with. So it was good for me to be able to partake in that joyous experience.

I also think it was good for her. She’d told her husband about being transabled, and about having ordered a chair. But there’s no way he could understand just how big an event it was for her. Even willing, he couldn’t get it. And so I was glad to be there.

I was also there when Sophie got to sit in a chair for the first "real" time. This time however, I was there, physically there. In fact, it was my spare chair she wheeled around in. I could see the longing in her eyes at first, before we got the chair out of the car. And I could see a great big smile on her face when she sat in the chair. I’m glad I was able to be there, and to offer her the chance to wheel.

I know my partner doesn’t get it. Not really. She has her moments of insight, I think. And she knows about many things related to my being transabled. But she doesn’t get it. Were I willing to share, she couldn’t really be there. Not, I don’t think, in the way I need. She’d be there, but not there. This is why it’s important for me to be able to have this outlet, to share these transabled thoughts here, with you, my transabled friends who understand because you’re living it. Because I can’t keep them bottled inside, I must share.

And I think it’s one reason why I *don’t* blindsim. That is an experience I’d like to be able to share. An exploration that I don’t want to do alone. Perhaps one day, I will have someone here, and not just online, not just in spirits, but also in body. Perhaps, that person will be here, or I’ll be there, and I’ll be able to share that way. In the meantime, I am me, I wheel because I must, I wheel alone because no one’s there for me. And when I’m going down the street with my partner, we’re going about our business, but there’s no real sharing of the wheeling experience. But of course, you guys and gals are there, but not *here*. Just like I’m *here* and not there, with you, for you to experience your first steps in a wheelchair, to experience that first drop off a kerb, to experience the fight with a double swing door, the slant of a sidewalk…

And so, I am being there, as you are being there, and while a physical presence would be nice, we’re still able to share and partake in our experiences through the miracles of the internet.

[tags]Wheelchair, Blindsim, Experience, Alone, Friends[/tags]