Baselines
Written by Sean on Thursday, November 8, 2007
Depression is a strange beast. There a "line", above which one is not (so much) depressed, and below which one is indeed in the dumps. This is a bit of a base-line. It’s not to say that if I find myself below that baseline I don’t have happy moments, nor that if I find myself above it there aren’t "blue" moments. But it seems a fairly defining line indeed, as hard as it is to define and as fluid as it is.
This "depression baseline" also does not have a direct correlation to its equivalent BIID baseline. It’s not because I find myself less depressed that my BIID need is lessened, nor because I’m down in the dumps that my BIID is aggravated, though I’ve discussed that elsewhere on the blog.
Lately, I’ve found myself less depressed. Somewhat above that baseline. And things haven’t been so hard. I was wondering why things were easier. It struck me that it was simply more "normal". The struggle that I tend to experience, that struggle *I* find normal, or rather usual, is perhaps not so straightforwardly usual for people who don’t happen to have depression.
It was a bit like waking up in a really soft feather bed, in a mansion with a cook and staff and thinking "oh, is that how the other half lives?". It’s been nice to experience this. Life isn’t brilliant, perfect or junkey-dorey by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s much better. For now.
And BIID is still strong as ever. *THAT* is not giving me any respite.
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1 On 8 November, 2007, Rorachach said:
Yeah that’s what anti depressants have been like for me. Except missing a dose is like jumping back to where you used to be and falling through the floor. Though, quite similar to you, I have found that my feelings are still just as strong.