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Balancing Acts
Written by Sean on Monday, February 19, 2007
We recently had house guests staying with us for nearly a week. My partner, after they’d left, asked me "was it that bad?". And the visit wasn’t bad, not in and of itself. The thing is, you can’t consider something just by itself, we’re not living in a vaccuum. And all things considered, I had a hard time.
Keeping everything in balance.
What occured to me, in the middle of the night, is that my entire life is a precarious balancing act. I’ve discussed in the past how I reach the end of a day and find myself with precious little energy left, and how living life is exhausting. Last night’s thought went a little further. I realised that because I don’t have a lot of energy I have to parcel what energy I do have. I have to balance everything.
I can get through most of my life if things aren’t thrown at me out of the blue, or if pressures/forces don’t modify my balance for very long. But when things happen, my ability to keep on balancing and surviving is wrecked.
Having visitors staying in your house for nearly a week is certainly a stretch on the ability to keep on balancing. Routines are changed, etc. Not that I’m so stuck in my ways that I’m unable to be flexible and to adapt to changes of routines. It just makes it harder to keep a grip, to balance everything. Visitors for a one night stay, that’s something that I can absorb without too much of a hickup. Having a week of stress and panic about getting the house ready before visitors come for a week, then having the visitors over, that’s significantly harder to absorb.
And part of what makes it so hard is that one can’t afford to let the strain show.
And now, after things are returned to "normal", it takes a while to recuperate, to get myself on an even keel. Transabled feelings, stuffed deep under because visitors had no clue. Joie de vivre gone walkabout (though one might say it’s rarely present nowadays).
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