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Home / Thoughts / Another silly scheme

Another silly scheme

Written by Sean on Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Transabled feelings ebb and flow, with the one constant you know: They never go very far. In fact, lately, it’s been rather "there". Thinking of ways to get that elusive SCI. And then realising that none of my plans are really good.

Yes, I want to be a para. But I don’t want to risk getting a higher level of injury in the process. It may very well be an arrogant stance, but since I *do* have a choice about it, that is my choice: Be a para, or be an AB. While I have no doubt that I would easily make a happy life as a quad, or other impairment I might inflict on myself in the process of becoming a para, I do not *want* that. So, yes, someone who’s a quad never asked for it, and didn’t want it, but they didn’t have a choice. I do have a choice. That makes me, I guess, lucky in a way. I wish it just happened, not leaving me a choice, but it’s not.

Transabled feelings never go very far.

I’m therefore left with trying to think up a way that is safe, infaillible, and effective. And after nearly 30 years of thinking about this, and coming up with more hare-brained schemes than I care to remember, I still haven’t found something that fits my criteria. So it’s back to the drawing board, without much enthusiasm, as the more time passes the more certain I am there’s no point.

Believe me, there isn’t much you could tell me to dissuade me that I haven’t thought about myself, which is probably one of the reasons I haven’t done anything drastic yet.

Oh well, perhaps destiny will grant me that wish. Or perhaps I’m destined to never be a para…