This is quite serious. This is most certainly not about a need to role play. This is about people who feel a very deep need to have a certain disability. Yes, we can pretend, then put away our chairs or crutches and go about our daily lives as normal.

Emotionally, we do suffer. I carried this obsession with me, feeling as an outsider, abnormal, did not fit in between the ages of 12 and 25. I thought I was nuts, undesireable, a weirdo.

No, this is not an extension of the 100 plus yahoo groups for devotees and fetishes. This is not about role playing for sexual gratification.

It is impossible for anybody to feel another’s physical pain or know exactly how bad something hurts. We all experience pain differently, and our emotional pain must be as real as anybody elses.

The friend I spoke of earlier is actually my best friend. After she told me that she is transabled it called so many things into question. Is THIS the reason that she is my friend? How dare she steal something that is so mine? After a while I came to this conclusion: when almost all people first choose a friend they will consider appearance and interest and justly so. So what if it had been the reason that she was first drawn to me, I’ve gained a wonderful friend for it and all that we’ve been through since then proves it. Me using a wheelchair factors into it but among so many other things. As for her using my story, I truly believe that if she can she would be in my position in a heartbeat and i like where i am now. People choose how to live their lives everyday. You can eat unhealthly until you get diabetes or heart disease ‘to gain attention, have people take care of you, not have to work’ and most people will accept that and not critisize you. they will not question your motives in eating all that junk food. but my friend, and I trust most of you on this site, have a need that cannot be that most readily achieved, cannot be as easily talked about, and all the comfort that she had was to live an hour or two on the internet with my story. A while back, a person that is clinically depressed will just be told to snap out of it but now we now that it is an actual physical condition in the brain. While now i accept who I am and am happy, accepting a irrevocable need does not help much. Unfortunately I do not see how things can change in the near future or even in the next fifty years. Truly, i wish you all the best.

At the end of the day she simply does’nt want you, me or any of us to go through the crap she’s been through. Is that because she feels compassion for us, or is it because she feels it undermines and devalues her life experience/circumstance as a disabled person ?.

I’ve been through a hell of alot of crap in my life, and if possible i’d like to help those i see going down the same path and stop them making the same mistakes i have. But, i dont have the right to tell anyone what they can and cant do, whats right or wrong, or even tell them what to think ! All i can do is give a warning and a little bit of experiential insight. If that person thinks i’m an idiot or wont accept my advice then so be it !

So let people complain, whinge, accuse, or run away in terror ! We dont have to take the advice if we feel it’s inappropriate or misguided. We dont even need to respond to it (just dont let your pride get in the way !). If on the otherhand it’s worthy advice for you as an individual then by all means accept it and be grateful.

If there was ever a time when surgical disability became a recognised medical proceedure then we’d have a whole vipers nest of social/ethical/economical/political situations to address. So if we cant handle criticism at this stage then i fear for our futures. Go find yourself a teflon coated outer skin…..non-stick ! ;-)

A. Because I don’t like to mislead them intentionally
B. It’s too much of a risk to give people the real reason.

None of us ever really choose what disability we need. It’s merely a coincidence that most biid sufferers you hear about either want to be leg amputees or paraplegics. To be honest I understand other people’s compulsions as much as you would understand mine, I barely understand mine. But I’ve learned that everything is not black and white and I should treat people with respect and understanding till I come to a conclusion either way. It’s like the saying “innocent until proven guilty”.

And I have great sympathy on one level that you deal with this compulsion. On another level, I can’t help but be angered.

This is what gets me every time. She admits it’s a compulsion. Yet she’s angry. **She’s angry at someone because of a condition that they have no control over.** How fair is that? She’s taking it personally.

We want the friendship and understanding of the disabled community and in many cases we have it (yes, we have disabled friends on and offline who support us). But for those who take our BIID as a personal insult…BIID IS NOT ABOUT YOU! It’s just not about you. You have nothing to do with it. Get your nose out of your bellybutton.

You can’t just tell someone with a pathological compulsion “that doesn’t make sense.” You can’t just turn off a compulsion!! All you do is create anger and frustration. That’s no help AT ALL. If you really do want to help, then the best way would be to learn what BIID **really** is and spread the word about the reality. We need the attention of the medical and psychiatric community, and real solutions.

Also, as for “why not a quad?”, there is a good chance that BIID is neurological (another reason you can’t just turn it off, BTW). There is a well known neurologist (VS Ramachandran) who is studying it from this point of view and his hypothesis is that BIID originates in the part of the brain that processes body image. The level of impairment required (quad vs. para vs. arm amputee) would derive from exactly where that part of the brain is damaged. They have studied me and they believe this is the case; they just need more test subjects to confirm it. It’s not something we have a choice over.

Ultimately, there isn’t much here that hasn’t been said before by any detractor to the cause. The story at the start was interesting but at its core we have the same argument with different people, places, and disabilities.

As always Sean you’ve handled yourself amazingly well, the refutations are solid as they can be, and the explanations are both clear and concise. Maybe if we had a “Before You Complain” primer or something you could avoid a lot of these emails.