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Home / Stories / Personal Histories / Sean's Story / My Story 5

My Story 5

Written by Sean on Monday, June 1, 1998

Ok, here is the time to write up another installment to my story, my 6 months deadline being sometime around now… But I’m not too sure what to say…

I last talked about how Louise and I fell in love, now I have to report that we actually got married. Neither her nor I ever thought something like that would ever happen to us, individually, let alone together. But it feels good. Our relationship is going on a level I didn’t think was really possible, every day, every minute.

I think that goes a long way towards quieting my mind. I still have moments of anguish and despair, but I also have support and that is something paramount.

I haven’t been in touch much with my parents, who I am sure love me, but it’s hard. I wrote them a couple times but no news from them since I told them Louise and I got married…. I guess that in views of their knowledge of my chair desire, the fact I married a para didn’t sit too well with them. But *I* am the one who has to live my life.

I live most of my public life from my wheelchair, and I sometimes smirk at the irony of the turn of events. I used to have to hide my chair, now, in a way, I have to hide the fact I walk. I never imagined it would come to that. It feels fine though. I mean, I see myself as a wheeler, hence have no real problem with not walking. Besides, I do that at home.

I’m not sure how to think of it anymore. It’s not a duality, where I’d have a wheeler me and a walking me, nor is it total unity yet, but I’m really starting to integrate both part in my life and self comfortably.

Louise tells me I’m getting to be a "gimp with an attitude". Don’t know what to make of that. I know I get really upset when I get confronted with ignorance and idiocy. But then, I’m not sure I want to have an attitude… Hmmm, that’s something else to put on the back burner and let stew awhile…

I’m more and more concerned with educating the wannabe crowd to their own reality, as well as touching on this topic with PWD in order to awaken them to the "wannabe phenomenon". It’s hard at times though. Wannabes don’t always want to work on themselves. They don’t want to trade the fear and anguish they are used to for insecurities and unfamiliar grounds of self-exploration. PWD often feel much hurt at our desires, mostly because they don’t understand, and because they haven’t accepted their own injury (ies).

But this sounds like us vs. them and I want to steer away from that idea. At this point, I’d like to promote communication. I’d like to see everyone involved talk to each other and learn and grow. Hmm! Who made me the Savior??? No one, not even myself… I simply think I have a fair understanding of the issues at hand, for both "parties" and hence see myself as merely *a* mediator, among many. It helps me to help other people. yeah, it sure does…

Now, I’m going back to finish the layout and edits of this page update, and then I’ll wait for my wife to come home… Now *that* is a meaning of life I dig…